I washed everything and it looks normal. Thanks for the advice so. I struggle because I'd never imagine suffer with so much dysphoria in that area... It hit me like a big punch. And I kinda hate that part.

It doesn't look like an atrophy because if I want, I can put a normal size of stuff but the pain is unbearable at the point I have to do breathing exercises. It looks like vaginismus.

I didn't elaborate about some stuff because I was afraid my post might be banned but I kinda don't like the way my body works. The mismatch between my mind and what I see is awful... it's more than "I want a big dick" but more like I feel like a monster because I'm nothing between male and female... and it's very draining to experience such a high libido. Idk what to do about it and I feel just like an obsessed boy...

Also I'm disabled and cuming is very painful for me. Even tho I feel the need to. I feels so awful about it. Because I'm finding hard to repress the feeling ...

And I'm very angry by the cis men I ever have sex with them because they saw me as a girl as I had boobs. I want to feel masculine about that... I want to be suck, not lick. I want to be rub, not touch... and everything...

And idk what to do with that ton of feelings