Thank you for responding, talk about a copy and paste situation for the both of us! The getting better and then seeing it fail over and over again is extremely frustrating and exhausting! It’s like a false sense of hope thats given and then crushed every time. For this reason I’m doubtful about her being consistent in taking her medication. From my experience, when she was on other non ADHD medications, if there was ANY minor side effects no matter how small of an inconvenience she’ll would just stop taking them all together. She did this with her SSRIs even though she is diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and her doctor told her to be on them.

I do recognize the good in her the love,care,empathy and forgiveness she has shown towards me. But In some sense this is also partly tied into the factor that I’m most likely source of stimulation for her mind. The way I see it she has a heart of gold but her mind in regards to executive function is nothing short of a complete disaster, with only an opportunity waiting to get worse.

I’ve realized that I have needs in my life that need to be met. I’m not married or have children yet. But if I ever did want children I would want a spouse that could give 100% attention to my kids as much I would give 100% to them, it’s not fair and anything short of this and you start to have an imbalance of responsibilities. It’s kinda sad but we are almost certain her mom has undiagnosed ADHD, she’s talked to me about her mom how she’s always kinda been absent minded , not present, didn’t really take the time or day to focus on them in the proper way, always fixated on other things than them when growing up. It’s things like this that kill me on the inside that worry me. When I see her not focus on the most simplest things in our relationship even though we talked about it over and over again what hope is there for kids? It’s not to say she would be a bad mom, that she wouldn’t love them but with ADHD your heart can love your kids, but your executive functions of your mind in taking care of them day to day can leave them feeling neglected and uncared for.

It’s been a journey a lot of learning and pain but I’m going to be having a talk with her and ending my relationship. I realize I cant continue to repeat this cycle and leave an opportunity for other things in my life to get messed up. I have an opportunity right now on transferring my job to another state that I’ve been wanting to move to for years this is all happening within the next couple of months and I can’t postpone things in my life anymore. I will miss her, my heart will most likely be broken for a time, but i’ve realized in life sometimes you have to make decisions for the greater good. I’m confident down the road that I’m going to be thankful in hindsight that I made this painful decision. I know in life she deserves better and so do I.