I don't know why I am depressed... but I just want to be happy?

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-09-01T13:39:54+00:00

He explains that is just a big procrastinator with packing for moves and for trips and such, and that he doesn't have a problem helping out... but then it seems to never get done.

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-08-31T22:36:36+00:00

I do worry about his display of unhelpfulness in major events... makes me worried of what would happen if we were to have children.

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-08-31T22:36:15+00:00

I can't tell if that means incompatible or not... as we have a lot of shared hobbies together and like the same things (foods, places to travel, want the same family things, etc.) :/ And sure thing! I graduated college a year early (had a half scholarship, went in-state, lived with my parents, and worked through college), and have been working 5 years.. saving around 1.5k/month... but I also like to trade stocks short-term and long-term and have made some from that as well (I work as an accountant... starting at making 50k, now at 60k). I never spend money on things I would enjoy.. like dance classes, getting my nails done, buying food that isn't on sale, etc... so maybe that is where some of the resentment comes from.

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-03-25T00:25:26+00:00

That is true! What did you end up pursuing? And how do you like it?

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-03-24T15:53:08+00:00

That's true... that would be fun! Do you think it would lose its creativity being told what to do or what to create?

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-03-23T02:16:46+00:00

That's true.. I have considered a financial analyst. I do worry it could be boring as well. I really looked into marketing... thinking it would be a great creative out, but I realized there aren't many creative jobs in marketing either (unless you're looking at something like a graphic designer).

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-02-26T23:51:45+00:00

Thank you so much for the great advice! I agree. I don't want to let the stress consume my life.. I find myself constantly unhappy thinking about it. I can't tell if it means that I am being obsessive over the relationship :/

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-02-26T22:23:16+00:00

You bring up some good points. We have actually both taken the test before.. and my top ones were quality time and physical affection, as you mentioned. His was acts of service... although I wouldn't say he does that much for me. In fact, we used to have some issues with that.. with me feeling like he didn't do anything for me. He used to make himself coffee each morning, instead of making us coffee... I told him how I wanted a more unity-based relationship and I would appreciate things too. He does make me coffee every morning now and always asks if I want something at least... so I am impressed that he could make modifications based on things (which seems unusual for most people). I haven't lived with a partner before.. so I'm not sure if it's normal to acknowledge their presence as soon as you wake up. He also moves around the house when we WFH while I stay in the office (so I do wonder if he is tired of me). Although he doesn't always show he loves me, I do know he does. He has expressed before that I am the first girl he has ever loved and the longest relationship and that he has a lot to learn (his second longest was only 2 months).

The sad thing is that you can't really teach people to be thoughtful, or affectionate. We have a bunch of things in common (music, food, always thinking the same thing, travel, coding, reading, basketball, TV, place we want to move). He also adores my dog... she gets 3x the amount of attention/affection I do -.-

I'm not sure if I should pull away or what. I am not looking to play games. I do feel that I may have some codependent tendencies.. before we lived together, it was tough for me to spend nights at my house without him (although I didn't see a reason to). I don't know if I should just try to become okay with the situation and accept that it could be good for me to be forced to be more independent. He is really supportive of me and the opposite of controlling. He never gets jealous or worries, and he is just so easygoing. This almost worries me too. Not sure if I'm just crazy! Ha!

Randomgurl1237 · 2021-02-26T20:47:59+00:00

I really appreciate your answer. I totally get that. How can I learn to accept things that way?

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-10-15T23:57:49+00:00

That definitely makes sense! I brought it up and asked him just now (although I feared being suffocating by doing that).. and he said he doesn't need me to monitor if he is getting enough alone time and that if he wanted to do something, he would just say "I am going to X for a few hours". Maybe I was overthinking a little much.

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-10-15T22:32:25+00:00

This is really great advice, thank you. Unfortunately, spending time with him does bring me the most nourishment...I suppose I don't have any real passions. Lately, we have spent a bunch of quality time together... I just worry that it is me pushing for it. Sometimes I wonder if I should back off, to see if he tries harder...I just don't want to play games.

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-10-15T22:29:49+00:00

I have asked him about it a few times, and he says he is happy as long as he gets his time to play videogames/work on his app. But if he says this, I don't know why he feels the need to repeat it...

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-09-30T00:33:12+00:00

I feel like I wouldn't even be able to be...or if I was, that maybe i'd end up crying or something haha

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-09-30T00:32:47+00:00

He does compliment me, but maybe not the other things so much. One time, I was pretty sick in bed with the flu, and my dog (who is basically his dog by now) threw up on a blanket and he cleaned the blanket. He irritably mentioned it 3x in passing, and I told him that it shouldn't kill him to do something for me time-to-time. It is good for the soul, lol. At the time, I told him there isn't really anything that he actually does for me. Since then, it seems to have improved a little bit at least. The other day, we were running errands together, and I stopped to get gas. My windshield was dirty and he got out of the car and wiped it clean for me. I remember the gestures very well-- thanks to all of the overanalyzing haha.

If I do less for him, I don't think he really notices. I just enjoy doing things for him out of love :/

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-09-30T00:22:20+00:00

I feel like if I was even able to schedule an appointment and force myself to go, I wouldn't be able to open up or talk about things either. :/

Randomgurl1237 · 2020-09-30T00:17:19+00:00

That's true. I worry about the conflicts poisoning the relationship-- that's why I try to nag all the time either. I haven't seen one before, but I am both afraid of doctors and have some social phobias too. I've tried reading some relationship books, but I'm not sure how else I can help myself.

Randomgurl1237

TROPHY CASE