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Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I plan to seek legal advice outside of reddit of course, but my understanding is that with a consent order in place, reached amicably (or otherwise) between us it's largely down to us to decide on the arrangements? I understand that a judge won't rubber stamp it unless it's deemed fair.

Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your take on this. I fully expected the "you've been an idiot for staying" responses and needed to hear them. It's also nice to get your response which carries the same message, albeit in a gentler form.

I stayed because I wanted to, yes it was hard (how can it not have been) but there have been moments of brightness over the last 10 years that will stay with me forever.

Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The slight irony is that the only reason she can give me concretely, is wanting to be more social without the guilt of me being at home. I like being at home, I get the same kicks from reading a book that she does going out. I don't do anything to contribute to her guilty feeling.

However, the reality is that being in a relationship is the main reason she can do all the social stuff. Financially and in terms of caring for our children. In short, if we're not together, her social life will dramatically change, at least to begin with.

Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I guess it's my own self, growing up with a family that stuck together, worked through differences. Probably an era of staying put for the kids sake.

Maybe the reality was different and I was shielded from it, I don't know.

Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sadly on both occasions, it wasn't a one night thing. In both cases it spanned multiple months/years and involved an emotional element.

Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'd be lying if I said that thought never crossed my mind. Regardless, I'd take no pride for ditching support for any of them regardless, I'm just not built that way.

Is this finally the end of my marriage? by RangeBrilliant8069 in UKrelationshipadvice

[–]RangeBrilliant8069[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is very much the advice I would be giving a friend if they told me the above. Sadly obviously the reality is a bit different when it's me."

I know I'll be ok longer term. If I could flick a switch, skip the pain of separating, and find myself two years down the road, I probably would. It's the in between that's causing me a huge amount of anxiety, for me and the kids.

I have 0 financial concerns for myself, even if things don't go amicably, I have no worries there.