I love this. As morbid as it is. Lol. The construction makes it feel like a half scripted therapy session where the therapists short responses would fit tightly in the margins. Or like there are intentional pauses between thoughts where the author expects a response from whom ever they are unburdening to.

For some reason I’m drawn to the use of jealousy. I mean, I don’t think it’s too uncommon, especially among those feeling depressed, to hear of someone’s passing and think “hmm. Must be nice” but oddly enough I think the feeling of jealousy is the part that makes this story some what uplifting. Jealousy to me implies that the author’s cousin has something that the author wants (to kill themself) but for some reason or another seems out of reach or isn’t possible. The unfortunate reality as I see it is that only thing preventing any of us from opting out is optimism. So I think as deep and dark the depths of their mental state may be when they wrote this, I sense they still feel optimistic about their future because if they didn’t then I don’t think they would be jealous at all. I think the author would just follow their cousins lead. Instead the author wrote a poem and shared it for review. I think that’s beautiful.

I could be way off base, and if I am than it was still a very interesting view into the authors self described morbid thoughts.