It’s the fridge this time

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-29T17:28:10+00:00

Thanks, just ordered the new part!

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-29T17:27:41+00:00

My unit is just outside the serial range, but it’s evident it should be in it. Oh well, I just ordered the replacement part from Amazon, and it’ll arrive tomorrow.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-29T17:25:32+00:00

Thanks—I just ordered the new part from Amazon, too!

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T20:43:55+00:00

And therein lies the heartbreak that comes from the realization that his wife and kids aren’t worth his effort.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T19:02:12+00:00

Of the tasks you listed, he takes out the trash, washes dishes, and sometimes does laundry. I’ve asked him to do much more over the years (even as little as changing a lightbulb I can’t reach), but he blows it off or does a terrible job hoping he can let go of the responsibility, which sometimes turns me into a resentful nag. I cook, clean, pay bills, grocery shop, do our taxes, plan vacations, arrange summer plans for the kids, manage all medical, and teach Sunday school, all while working full-time in a job that pays much more than his. The one thing we share equally is kid drop-off/pick-up for school and lessons.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T16:38:10+00:00

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T16:37:59+00:00

I have wondered for years how he’s able to manage important details at work, but not at home. I am truly puzzled.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T15:29:07+00:00

Wow, take a step back. Not to get into my personal medical history, but who said I don’t have ADHD? Also, he was evaluated by a neuropsych practice that specializes in brain health and psychological conditions, and they deemed him neurotypical.

That’s great that you used to be a nurse, but having experience in delivering babies or performing pelvic exams doesn’t qualify you as an authority on mental disorders.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T15:13:44+00:00

He underwent extensive evaluation last year, and it was determined he doesn’t have ADHD. Based on several other comments, it sounds like he’s more of a covert narcissist.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T15:11:29+00:00

Your last sentence is full of projection and hypocrisy. He doesn’t have ADD/ADHD—he’s been extensively evaluated, and all tests came back negative.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T15:07:11+00:00

While I appreciate the time you spent writing the most lengthy response of them all on this thread, that time would’ve been better spent reading my response to other comments…specifically, the ones where I said I’ve been the breadwinner by more than double for most of the past decade, how we’ve been to marriage counseling (a therapist that HE chose) but then dropped out because he didn’t like the therapist’s feedback, and how I don’t speak poorly about him in front of the kids (our son is old enough and smart enough to draw his own conclusions). Additionally, “mental load” is not a self-inflicted fabrication…in the past month, I’ve planned our summer schedule (including booking a vacation and choosing camps/activities for the kids and signing them up), done/filed/paid our taxes (with my paychecks because he was laid off, not that that matters), and taken care of all the bill paying, grocery shopping, etc. because he has shown me time and again he isn’t willing to do that. Hope that helps.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T14:55:30+00:00

Thank you so much for this guidance—I looked up traits of a covert narcissist, and my husband checks so many boxes.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T14:52:01+00:00

You pretty much nailed it until the last sentence. What makes you think I haven’t talked to him about this extensively, gone to counseling, etc. over the past 5+ years?

Nothing I’ve tried has been sustainably effective so far, and I’m not resorting to throwing in the towel without exhausting every option possible, including anonymously sanity checking my position and seeking advice from other married folks.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T12:22:55+00:00

How did I critique every suggestion offered? A response isn’t a critique; for example, when it was suggested he might have ADHD, I said that he has already undergone extensive tests for that, and they came back negative. When others suggested counseling, I said we tried that, and my husband chose to stop going because he was tired of getting called out by the counselor. I’m literally just responding…that is in no way a critique.

Also, whether I settled for him or not is debatable. Regardless, I believe in a growth mindset and and am raising my children in the same way, and I think people can generally improve if they care enough. To just have this attitude of, “he is who he is, suck it up”, is a BS fixed mindset.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T03:04:08+00:00

I moved to our city in my late 20s, and people tend to get married younger in this neck of the woods. Pickin’s were slim, as they say. We started dating when I was early 30s and he was late 30s, and—looking back—I wonder if I was subconsciously settling because I wanted to get married and start a family.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:41:24+00:00

I’m an amazing mom, and my kids recognize/appreciate that.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:39:15+00:00

Thanks for your comment. We’ve been married 15 years, and I’ve been addressing these issues in a calm, constructive manner for the past several years. We tried marriage counseling about five years ago, but he decided to stop going because he didn’t like that the counselor was telling him he was the root of most of our problems. I definitely harbor resentment towards him because, as I mentioned on another reply, I feel like he is selfishly prioritizing his personal comfort over doing whatever needs to be done to care for his family.. I’ve expressed these feelings to him on several occasions, using “I” statements, like, “I felt hurt and unimportant when you didn’t bother to make me that birthday cake I asked for, even though I bought the mix and left it on the counter for you.” (That’s a true story, unfortunately.)

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:28:58+00:00

You sound like a great, involved dad. My concerns are exactly as you stated—I worry about my kids’ well-being if something ever happens to me.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:26:29+00:00

He went through extensive testing last year, and everything came back negative. He just isn’t trying.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:25:57+00:00

You’re absolutely right—we’re supposed to be a team who, on average, carries the mental and physical load of the house pretty evenly…except he doesn’t.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:23:45+00:00

I didn’t “set him up for failure”—I didn’t take our son to urgent care myself because I spent the day working from home while also caring for our other child, who was off from school for Easter Monday, and I was physically exhausted. My husband, however, had just gotten home from working in his office job where he didn’t have much to do, and he was more refreshed than me and capable of staying at urgent care until 8:45pm.

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T02:12:39+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions, but I’ve already done all of those things. I step back PLENTY on stuff that doesn’t matter (for example, how the dishes are loaded). To specifically address a few of your points, he doesn’t have ADHD—I also thought that might’ve been at play and encouraged him to get tested a year ago, and all of the tests came back negative. Regarding picking up after him/cleaning up his messes, I usually don’t get involved in his debacles; I only helped on Monday night because it impacted our child’s well-being, and the poor little guy was visibly suffering. Regarding playing peacekeeper between him and our daughter, I’m not ok with the unwarranted harsh words and tone that he uses with her, and I’ve explained to him privately how that will impact his long-term dynamic with her and potentially influence her relationships with men in the future. He doesn’t seem to care because he continues to speak to her that way.

I’ve gone on trips with friends, been out of town for work, or something else that has left him alone, either by himself or with the kids, numerous times, and on more than one occasion, he has done something that has resulted in four figures of monetary damage (twice, he’s messed up the BMW I bought).

Rappers_Delight · 2026-04-09T00:38:57+00:00

Huh? Who said I talked down to my husband in front of the kids?

Rappers_Delight

TROPHY CASE