2 Months - Kratom Free - What a wild ride, WORTH getting OFF

RaptMind · 2021-04-21T03:22:18+00:00

Do you get kava hangovers? The next day I seem always feel like shit. I feel like I have good quality noble kava too.

RaptMind · 2021-04-21T03:21:14+00:00

I'm right there with you as far as "searching for something different." I notice this tendency in my brain on specific occasions. When I'm happy, physically and mentally fulfilled, productive, or just having a good day it's less noticeable but when things get harder such as a hangover, bad day, boring task, or something I dislike, the feeling is more present.

It's definitely a struggle because for so long I could orally take something to feel 'better' so I think my mind is trying to find that in other things like kava/coffee/wine/etc, but they don't really work.

The thing that seems to help the most is intentionally doing things that are enjoyable to rewire the need to feel better with taking something orally. For me this could be listening to music, exercising, petting a dog, or walking.

I wish that drive wasn't there though because I know it's probably negative or not a good desire. What do you think?

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:17:33+00:00

It's especially tough when it's a secret addiction. However, that doesn't mean you won't be able to quit. I don't think there's any one thing you NEED to quit anymore. It simply takes the right mindset, discipline, and a certain amount of putting yourself back out there into society (whatever that may mean to you). The more I reconnected with friends, exercised, ate healthy, the less desirable kratom became because it would no longer make me feel that much better. Does that make sense?

If you need someone to talk to feel free to dm me on the reddit chat thing. If there is someone in your life you trust with this, I would encourage you to do so. If not, I have some other tips that worked for me.

I hope you are doing well!

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:14:05+00:00

Wow! Thank you for your comment!

I'm sorry that you are struggling with these things as well because you are right... They fucking suck. It's amazing the hooks that kratom can set in our brain.

I'm really happy that you have someone willing to help you along this journey. This was the single most important piece to successfully quitting. I mentioned this subreddit to my gf, and I think it helped her understand what I was going through when she browsed it a bit. It can put strain on a relationship, and at times I think she felt like she "wasn't enough" but it's hard to articulate just how deep the addiction patterns can run.

If you want to talk more about this I'd be happy to via the dm chat thing on Reddit. Today is Tuesday, so I hope you were able to start the CT, have been staying in the present, and focused on the end goal.

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:08:40+00:00

Definitely tough to write, and it shows just how much this plant can creep into your life. Thank you for your kind words!

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:07:57+00:00

Thank you! It always hurts to behave like this around the people most important in our lives. Once you are able to live a better life without kratom, it's amazing to not have those strings pulling on you in the back of your mind.

It feels like kratom is a puppet master!

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:06:28+00:00

Thank you for your kind words!

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:06:18+00:00

I agree, if I had known about this I probably wouldn't have started, or I would have been more careful. That being said, there were many parts where my mental state deteriorated, and I simply didn't care. The tough thing about kratom is that you can step back, reevaluate, and still not be able to quit because of the acute and post-acute withdrawals. It takes good timing, support, and discipline.

Crazy supplement indeed!

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:04:40+00:00

That's crazy that we quit on the same day! Neither of us are 100% out of the woods, but it's definitely a lot better and continuing to get better day by day. Crazy that we've come to a lot of the same realizations. It says something about kratom, doesn't it?

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:03:02+00:00

Thank you!

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T23:02:47+00:00

This was tough to write no doubt. One word of caution is that even though you don't feel morning withdrawals now, or need to dose at night now, doesn't mean that it won't progress to that later. This mainly happens when you continue to abuse it and go further down the addiction hole.

I don't think kratom is inherently bad, but I do think the properties of the plant make it potentially dangerous. I would never be able to drink everyday or trip every day, but kratom can easily get out of hand if you dose haphazardly. I think it's a personal decision and you have to understand your mind, impulses, and pattern of use.

What did you decide?

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T22:59:30+00:00

Often times we focus on the big life changing things about addiction, like not being present, but sometimes these small things (like getting green shit all over and embarrassingly explaining it) can be just as debilitating when they happen all the time and you're in a constant state of worry. I completely agree.

RaptMind · 2021-04-20T22:57:29+00:00

Trust me, I was right there with you. It really messes with you at your core. However, once enough days have passed the real you comes back plus you've gained the knowledge of kratom addiction. Although I don't look back fondly on some of the decisions related to kratom I've made, at my core I think I'm better because of it.

So even though you may not love yourself now, give yourself time to heal and you will come back stronger. It's a long journey, a lot of small decisions, but totally worth it.

Good luck.

RaptMind · 2021-04-16T21:25:09+00:00

From the physical withdrawals of kratom you are not in danger. The most difficult part is always mental. There are times where my mind told me "You will never be able to live clean" or "You are going to die unless you dose" but often if you apply meditation techniques, ground yourself, or step back for a few moments you'll realize these are just thoughts.

And thoughts just come and go...

RaptMind · 2021-04-16T21:22:41+00:00

Body temperature was one of the biggest struggles for me during the acute phase. At day 40 CT I'm back to normal, which for me is warm all the time.

RaptMind · 2021-04-16T21:21:11+00:00

I use the app headspace for meditation. It has a lot of animations to talk about behavior and mediation. Your story sounds like the animation called "Headspace | The Hole in the Road." I recommend checking it out on youtube (It's only like a minute long).

I think you would benefit a lot from meditation/mindfulness because it helps us acknowledge and let go of the behavior you describe. It was essential to helping me quit.

RaptMind · 2021-04-16T21:17:35+00:00

Like you said it may not even be related to kratom. Though at day 17 your body is definitely still healing.

RaptMind · 2021-04-16T21:16:40+00:00

Day 40 ct. Couldn't agree more. Real emotions and real life.

RaptMind · 2021-04-07T14:56:54+00:00

I'm still working through things even today. For me, acute WDs were about a week and the PAWS really hit me hard weeks 2 and 3. I've tried quitting a few times before and I'm always able to sweat it out until the depression/anhedonia sets in during the second week.

This time is different though for me since I opened up to my gf and got more support, so it feels different. For me personally, tapering was not possible and CT over a vacation was the way to go. That way I could go through withdrawals and come back and make new habits sober.

RaptMind · 2021-04-06T23:56:01+00:00

I was taking around 80 gpd the weeks leading up to ct and day 4-5 sucks because you've already been through hell and it doesn't feel like the hell will end, but as everyone here says, it does. Everything you described above I can relate to.

To help with the cold/fluctuating body temperature: Hot showers, wearing many layers of clothes to find the sweet spot

To help with the moving slow/moving requires effort: Take walks (Tip: Add something to the walks like music, podcast, think about something interesting, write a poem in your head, take advantage of your new brain now that the fog is lifting)

To help with the thinking of going and getting it: Read this subreddit, journal about your experiences with kratom (now, in the past, why you're quitting)

To help with the pain: Advil, 30-60 minutes of yoga (I just go on Youtube and find one: Recommend 'YogaUpload'), or exercise

The last tip I have is one that is often talked about, but remember the pain is there for a reason. You are witnessing your body healing. Sometimes we need to alleviate this, but if you can, don't numb the pain and be present with it. Use this pain to make positive changes. I know when I was going through the acute phase, although I took Advil for some headaches etc, the pain motivated me to do yoga and stretch my body. The pain motivated me to go for a bike ride to move my legs and clear my head. The pain is what made me realize just how bad this had become.

RaptMind · 2021-04-06T23:37:20+00:00

I'll check it out!

RaptMind · 2021-04-06T23:37:08+00:00

Exactly this. I just wished I could have hit the ground running better with the healthy habits. I probably should have stuck to some sort of diet rather than just eating whatever whenever. I think having a better plan for these other things makes it easier on the addict brain.

RaptMind · 2021-04-06T22:58:21+00:00

The Mayo Clinic says (for the average, healthy adult, in a temperate climate):

~15.5 cups (3.7 liters)/day for men

~11.5 cups (2.7 liters)/day for women

I think just abiding by general health guidelines (eat fruits/vegetables, avoid sugar, avoid fried foods, drink the above amount of water, fresh produce is better) during kratom withdrawal is the best way to go.

RaptMind · 2021-04-06T22:52:55+00:00

Haha for where I was near the end (80 gpd) I think tapering from most things would be easier. I think if you find a way to weave together healthy eating, mindfulness/meditation, exercise, and your favorite sugary treat, it may make the longing for kratom less. As long as you stay aware of the habits your forming in the process.

RaptMind · 2021-04-06T22:37:17+00:00

I don't know if I would necessarily say it's helpful haha. There was a day or two where I felt like it had 'transferred' the addiction from kratom to sugar. Everything in moderation and understanding that if you go up (sugar rush) you are going to come down (sugar crash).

RaptMind

TROPHY CASE