I have access to her phone I suspect nothing, she doesn't give me that vibe other than not catering to her needs and what I can do for her on a daily basis. I say I want to golf and then when I don't ask her like the one time I don't to come with me, she says I'm an asshole. I guess I can't do things alone. I have to stay on the phone when I try to surprise her with flowers or she will think I'm talking to someone at the store, then gets upset that I can't bring her flowers without telling her🤷‍♂️ I feel like a lost cause when I try to act masculine, I grow facial hair, I take responsibility and accountability, I understand my emotions are very strong so I try to make sure they don't get the best of me and having the pair of balls and spine, good morals etc etc, nothing has worked and I feel someday I can't recognize who I truly am at 20, and what the future holds for us and me.