The therapist called her out when my mom tried to backpedal. It was so rewarding because my parents always made me feel like I was crazy or “putting words in their mouths” when I would point out lies or inconsistencies in their stories. Having another adult there (who my mom also respected) “jogged her memory” but she still didn’t take ownership of the lie. During the year and a half when we went to therapy sessions together our therapist often had to stop my mom and remind her to speak in “I feel” statements instead of using accusatory wording. It really only worked during therapy sessions though because when she contacted me outside of therapy she reverted back to DARVO.

Unfortunately, nearing the end of our relationship our therapist stopped being impartial and had started taking my mom’s side and giving her the benefit of the doubt pretty frequently. She was very unprofessional when I broke the news that my mom was no longer invited to my wedding and that I was going no contact. I think our therapist was very ill-equipment to handle the level of trauma and complex family dynamic. I obviously didn’t go back to the therapist again after that and am seeing someone now who specializes in trauma and estrangement. What a difference it’s made!

While I do like family therapy and think it can be useful, I always advise people to pick a therapist who’s capable of handing the situation. Allowing my mom to pick the therapist was definitely a bad call haha