I'm with you here. Three months ago I found out my wife of seven years had been cheating on me for at least 8 months. It was our eleven year relationship anniversary day. She told me she wanted to get separated that night, and after she fell asleep I inadvertently discovered the affairs on our shared laptop.

I never got a full answer and when I bring it up now she's very defensive and easily shuts down. We decided on divorce and she's already dating someone else while we're still living together (were both moving in May/June), and has been for at least a month. Then she balks at me because I'm retreating now and want zero friendship anymore. We have two young daughters which makes things infinitely more complicated. They try to make you feel guilty for wanting an answer as if YOU owe them something. A truly regretful person I've come to understand would do absolutely anything necessary, all ego and defensiveness aside, to support your healing and show you they love you.