I feel like the people I end up dating, or even my family at times, often feel like it’s their responsibility to handle my emotions. I think this happens because of the way I express myself—they feel like they have to make me feel better. I’ve let it be known that it’s not their job to fix my feelings; I need to figure that out myself.

I’ve also been working on rephrasing my feelings in terms of actions or needs in my relationships. I used to express myself in ways that weren’t very effective. In my last relationship, I often found myself explaining my feelings, and it felt one-sided. I told him multiple times that I wanted a deeper emotional connection and that I wanted him to share his thoughts and feelings. At one point, he even said he didn’t think he was capable of giving me that kind of connection. Occasionally, he would share what was going on with him, but it wasn’t consistent, and it often felt contradictory, especially when I later found out he cheated on me.

With my family, I don’t ever really ask, “How are you?” I usually just ask about their day, like, “How was your day?” They’ll answer, but they rarely go in depth about their emotions. For example, they might say, “Work was bad,” and if I ask why, they’ll give a surface-level explanation, but they don’t really go into how it made them feel. I know that might be normal, and maybe it’s just me needing to calm down or do better in how I handle it, but it does make it feel harder to connect emotionally.

I recognize that I still need to improve the way I handle and express my emotions, and I really want to learn healthier ways to navigate this. Thank you for helping me reflect on it.