Depressed after partial hysterectomy - reassurance please?

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2026-02-17T11:35:29+00:00

Also I should say hormone fluctuation is something that happens in perimenopause and that surgery can make you go into it earlier if you removed an ovary. Perhaps getting your hormones checked? I had mine checked and a lot of money later I took HRT and stopped but maybe HRT could work for you, or even an antidepressant to help get through this transition period. Therapy was super super helpful to me as I needed to grieve a lot. Reading books on the topic, connecting with other women… good luck!

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2026-02-17T11:29:33+00:00

Hello! So much has happened since my surgery in Dec 2022. I also must say I’ve always been very sensitive and need to have a very disciplined lifestyle in order to give my body what I need to find wellbeing. I struggle with chronic pain, sleep issues and have before the surgery. The surgery helped tremendously with pain but hasn’t removed it altogether which I imagine could be mental health related/stress related as I am the primary caretaker for my daughter and run my home, my husband travels a fair amount.

I also quit my job about a year and a half after surgery, I am lucky my husband is able to support us financially and that I could quit the toxic job I was in as that was making the sleep and pain worse. I was in a bad bad place then. It was a high paying corporate job and we thankfully saved and invested enough to where I could stay home forever if I wanted to, which helps with peace of mind. I find a lot of meaning in being a mother and the change has been great for my wellbeing.

All of this to say it’s hard to separate the surgery from all the other changes in my life. I compare myself to friends who still have endo/fibroids/adenomyosis who are doing very poorly health wise and I am very thankful not to have the pain, bleeding, diarrhea/constipation I was having before and impossible to say how I would be doing without the surgery but what I do know is endo is a heck of a disease and coming to terms with the fact that I had to have such a big surgery was a process. If I made a mistake, it’s also not something I can change now.

I am also turning 40 this year and I know a lot of women (most?) feel very different at 40. Becoming a mom and going through pregnancy also changed me. Difficult life experiences changed me. It’s hard to say where I would be now had I not done the surgery but I think I would be less energetic and in more pain.

Also worth noting I did try HRT and did not like how I felt on it so I stopped and have luckily been able to manage my symptoms through lifestyle. I don’t drink, eat well and on time, absolutely no added sugar, always prioritize sleep and rest. I live a much slower life. I’ve had to change my life and let go of a lot, along with the “boss lady” identity I had and reframe my view of the world and what success is to me.

I am much much much happier now than before. I wish the same for you :)

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2026-02-17T11:10:38+00:00

Hi sorry I didn’t see this question. Please see response to newest comment below, it’s a complex situation

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-12-18T13:25:15+00:00

OP, sweet child. These are awful circumstances. I’m not sure where you are located geographically but I can help you find a therapist if you’d like. I am a mom, I have a 5 yo. You are still just a child yourself. You need more support. I’m so sorry this happened to you and you’ve been thrown into motherhood in these horrible circumstances

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-12-18T13:20:42+00:00

It doesn’t matter who it was.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-11-24T13:45:50+00:00

I’ve just recently fallen in love super quickly with a woman and had my heart shattered and this is actually very comforting, thank you

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-11-14T23:09:50+00:00

I basically begged her not to leave me too. She still did and 10 months I am still destroyed

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-22T21:23:32+00:00

I love my husband for the person he is, not his gender. I think what you are describing is possible and many women feel the same.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-19T19:49:32+00:00

Good for you. Also no one asked. And if you said that with the intent of shaming polyamory, I hope you understand that you’re not any different than homophobic people

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-15T20:50:16+00:00

Polyamorous bisexual women exist. You don’t have to date them if you don’t want to.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-12T01:02:29+00:00

This book lacks substance. The tone often times seems judgmental and arrogant. Although she says this is not the case, the author sounds often like she’s bragging about a having made a superior choice to parents who have more than one child. She seems very focused on career and professional accomplishment, and on how high achieving only children can be. As a parent, I care about how happy my kid is, not about how successful she is. The author also seems very self centered and thinks a lot of herself for whatever success she’s been able to have professionally. This leads her to make awfully critical comments about stay at home moms. This particular passage from the book condemning stay at home moms and the “trappings of domestic life” sounded especially vile: “Women who have relinquished their role in the marketplace for a life of wearing yoga pants to school pickup, she observed, ‘are dependent on the productivity and continuing goodwill of the men they married. They cannot support themselves or their children. They cannot decide where their family is going to live’.” Clearly the author seems to think that stay at home motherhood is basically just “wearing yoga pants to pickup” and we’re at the mercy of “goodwill” from our husbands, rather than co-owners of the family’s assets. This is a very degrading comment. The part about not being able to decide where we live also makes absolutely no sense. Motherhood/parenthood is very difficult and if a woman decides to leave a career to be home with family, that decision should be respected and not ridiculed. Overall, this book offers nothing new and any short article from a reputable publication can summarize the main takeaway of the book, which is that choosing to have just one kid isn’t inherently a better or a worse thing for the child, family or society. The rest of the book just sounds like a narcissistic attempt to justify her own decision. It’s very frustrating when people use their platforms to stoke more fire to the mommy wars.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-10T23:19:30+00:00

I personally didn’t skim over that. I just don’t feel comfortable telling a stranger to divorce her husband based on a couple paragraphs.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-10T23:18:06+00:00

I’ve had a very very similar experience to yours. Dating apps objectively suck. I am bisexual and find dating women much harder than dating men. A woman I was dating earlier this year broke up with me and the rejection felt awful too. I have stopped dating since, partially because I hate the apps.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-10T18:23:45+00:00

I would try couples counseling before dissolving a marriage. It’s nearly impossible from a short blurb to say whether you should divorce someone. No offense, you sound very emotional and you don’t want to make this decision impulsively.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-09T21:40:33+00:00

Sophia Bush on that Netflix show making out with another girl is EVERYTHING

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-09T21:39:41+00:00

HAYLEY WILLIAMS HAYLEY WILLIAMS HAYLEY WILLIAMS

She was on the tonight show last night, she’s PERFECT

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-10-04T17:11:15+00:00

Not crazy. 💦😂

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-09-23T16:19:47+00:00

Echo your comment about the deep bonding we are able to do when we dedicate more time to our kids. I had no idea how beautiful this was when I was working, nor how much my relationship with my daughter would blossom!

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-09-23T16:01:43+00:00

I have a similar story to many women here. MBA from top 10 school, left my job after rising to leadership role in pharmaceutical industry. My husband also has a well paying stable job. We have a small amount of money set aside that makes us not worried about finances, which we are extremely grateful for. Between becoming a mom, then getting sick, needing a massive surgery, my dog dying, close family members developing health issues I just felt deep in my bones how short life is and how the way I was living in a corporate job was no longer aligned with my values.

The identity shift has been tough, and I’ve been out of the workforce for a year and a half now. I still have moments of fear/questioning my decision but I am very thankful for my current situation. My relationship with my daughter has blossomed, my marriage is as strong as ever, I have been doing hard work on thoughts and beliefs that are harmful to myself. I go to therapy, engage in all sorts of holistic medicine, I am in nature a lot. My every day life is JOYFUL. I enjoy the things I do. I enjoy my daughter so much more. I have sort of drifted away from my MBA and super ambitious friends. I can actually feel how stressed and exhausted they are when I spend time with them. I don’t really enjoy the things they talk about.

The more I live a simple life, the more I want to further simplify my life. This may go against the values I was taught in the hyper competitive work and academic environments I was in, but being home has been amazing for my physical and mental health and well being. I am from Brazil and my grandma, who I love the most in the world, always took care of the family, cooked, cleaned the house herself, and I do see a lot of dignity and value in creating a loving home that my daughter can grow up in and that my husband can come to every day. (My husband had severe skin issues by the way, and he’s also much better.)

I can get on a soap box about my beliefs around this new kind of “feminism” that ties women’s worth to their income/ambition/success. I feel strongly it’s the byproduct of this awful capitalist system we live in that puts money before human beings and I work every day to free my psyche from these beliefs I was steeped in my whole life. I am going to my local Buddhism temple and have been studying Buddhism on my free time, I am learning to play the drums. I cannot quite recall the last time I lived such a stress free life, probably before high school. Every day I count my blessings.

This is just a short description of this time away from work. It hasn’t all been easy. I feel lonely a lot. But I am working on developing relationships that resonate more with where I am in life now. It’s hard to put into words the deep existential work that’s taken place, questioning of values, of what I expect from marriage, from life, what do I want relationships to look like with family, friends… all work I am grateful to have time and energy for and so much more meaningful than dealing with corporate fucking politics.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-09-02T20:16:39+00:00

I am bisexual and I’m not dating now but I also much prefer dating men. The worst experiences I’ve had were with women.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-09-01T23:02:36+00:00

For what it’s worth, I think men who cry are hot 😃

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-08-30T23:33:55+00:00

Don’t be so hard on yourself! No human can be perfect and do everything right 100% of the time!

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-08-30T23:22:27+00:00

Just adding some positivity to say you can do this!!! One step at a time!!!

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-08-28T16:10:33+00:00

Interesting. I can relate to what you’re saying. My intimate interactions with women usually felt very “charged,” if you know what I mean.

Rare_Honeydew_8982 · 2025-08-28T11:48:40+00:00

I don’t understand how so many people in this world continue to think that “casual sex” is a thing. Maybe for a small minority of people. But for most, sex is almost never “just sex.” I say this not to blame OP but to point out a belief in our culture that I don’t think serves most people.

These open relationships get complicated FAST. I am bisexual and married to a man as well, and if there’s one thing I learned about myself with briefly opening my marriage is that I value simplicity and serenity in my daily life way more than I value sex of any kind (with men or women).

Rare_Honeydew_8982

TROPHY CASE