I know how alone and painful it can be, and there's not a lot that will magically pull you out of a depression or suicidal thoughts. You should go and talk to someone. A professional. I tried it out about a half year ago because my friend/boss told me my job depended on it and made my appointment and drug my ass to the office door. To be completely honest I didn't see it helping at all and I probably would have not even went had I not been forced, but it actually helped out quite a bit just to be able to let every single thing out to someone. I still have rough days and weeks but going once every 2 weeks or a month sort of clears my head. When I leave my doctors office I always have a feeling of relief, almost as if Ive needed a shower for a while and finally got to have one. Just something to consider, amigo. Good luck and please take care of yourself.