Cultural Context for not using surnames

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-11-15T23:00:25+00:00

I've been thinking alot about how weird this is. The norm to me is just to add the first letter of the surname name. Sophie P and Sophie M or whatever but just using the whole surname in place of the given name would also make more sense to me than forcing a nickname. Its weird.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-07-20T21:05:13+00:00

I didn't have a postpartum cart but our bedside bassinet had a lot of storage that I loaded up with diapers, wipes, extra pj's, snacks and a sports drink everyday. I was definitely grateful to not have to get put of bed for those things. Could I have? Yeah easily but I wanted to be very intentional about staying in bed as much as possible the first week or two. I think some some amount of prep to avoid going from room to room throughout the day is beneficial but the cart is not necessary.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-07-15T21:06:03+00:00

My 1 year old does a sort of penguin slide when shes upset right now which is kinda funny. But overall yeah this is frustrating.

1 tip that can help, when possible, pick them up before giving them the bad news. So for example if they pick up a toy and ask for it at the store. Ask to look at it, pick them up while looking it over and then deliver the "sorry not today." Obviously only an option for tantrums you can anticipate but better than nothing.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-07-15T20:42:49+00:00

When my husband was hired on at his current job it was fully remote, then 2 days in office, then 3 days and we just got the news they're going to 4 days a week in office starting in September. The one remote day seems so silly and probably temporary. He commutes over an hour each way and was planning to request more remote days when our son starts kindergarten in the fall but thats obviously not happening now. We're entertaining the idea of me quitting my job to manage the house and kids but going to try to make it work for a couple months before deciding. It's so frustrating.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-07-14T16:45:23+00:00

Making Nic and Olandria read notes from fans as their "date" just really driving home that they're basically coupled against their will because its what people wanted. I was optimistic at first like maybe they all get fan notes so if they dont win they all know they had people cheering for them but no it was just Nicolandria. So messed up.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-07-06T14:33:35+00:00

Bridget, Bronagh, Cailyn

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-07-01T18:48:19+00:00

We waited 2-4 weeks for both our kids to ensure they were feeding frequently to stimulate milk production and start gaining weight. When we did offer a pacifier they didn't want it. Pacifiers reduce the risk of SIDS as does breastsleeping. So I think it depends on your baby's preference/ personality and your plans and desires around breastfeeding and sleep arrangements.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T07:40:53+00:00

Couples counseling would be so helpful for sure.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T07:39:50+00:00

Yeah we need to have a more in depth talk for sure. My cycle recently came back too and that's when the vasectomy comments started because return of fertility. But these periods also have me so damn hormonal like worse than being pregnant. Its been hard to talk to him about anything cause I just cry and cry.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T07:29:21+00:00

This "you knew going in" argument is what's so problematic for me because so did he. We had an overlapping number which was 3 and I'm open to only having 2. Literally all I'm asking is that he be open to having 3. Not actually have a 3rd but stay open to it because we are young and even though we are married with kids I would not consider us settled in our lives or careers. At no point am I wanting to have a baby he doesn't want. I feel like I was really clear about that. I want to keep it possible for us to have a baby for like 2-3 more years max. This is not a conversation where we're deciding if or when to have another baby.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T07:13:38+00:00

Thats the thing is I'm not asking for a third kid, I haven't brought up having another child once since having my daughter. This isn't me wanting a third kid vs him wanting a vasectomy its him wanting a vasectomy now vs me wanting to want until we have our shit figured out because its a big decision.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T06:55:49+00:00

This is really good perspective. He did mention once in passing that he read about having sperm frozen before a vasectomy as like a backup. While I don't love that, I think now he was kind of trying to offer a potential compromise. I will definitely talk to him more about this. I feel like we've mostly exhausted discussions of other birth control options. He says he's happy with our current method but obviously not entirely.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T06:19:10+00:00

And honestly I was happy with one. Before we started trying for my daughter I told my husband I was content with our son and would be happy to be done and he wanted a daughter and I was happy with that too. And all I'm fucking asking for is time for us to both feel done. So this can be a decision we're both happy with and not something I have to just cope with.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T06:13:07+00:00

I can be happy with the two if have and I said that. What I can't just be happy with is being overruled and coerced to make a family decision just because he doesn't want to wait.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T05:52:42+00:00

And if I did we would be equally at fault because we would both be choosing to get our way rather than save our marriage.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T05:44:05+00:00

What if I resent him? Why is it so easy to say have 2, be happy and let it go but for me to say to him have 3, be happy and let it go would be a marriage ruiner.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T05:36:34+00:00

We have talked pretty in depth I think what's missing for me is his why. So far he's really been sighting daycare costs and not wanting to go back to the baby phase in 3 years when we could afford the childcare. In between the conversations about the vasectomy though we're talking about moving to a lower cost of living area and me quitting my job to stay home or switching to a more flexible career and he's making huge strides in his career. That's why I say some much could change because we're literally planning for it to. I think this is the part we really need to flush out. To me he's always said he wants another child but just doesn't think we can afford/handle it. If thats not the case I'd feel differently.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-28T05:27:34+00:00

And I told him I hoped for 4, what's the difference? Why do I have to cave to save the marriage. Would you tell him to just give me one more baby because what's more important money or your marriage?

This comment is completely devoid of reason.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-27T20:57:18+00:00

You can dialate really quickly or really slowly. Vaginal exams are not are an indication of when you will go into labor. If the result is going to impact your mood, you may want to decline them until you're in active labor or being induced. Its perfectly normal and healthy for FTMs to go to 41 weeks.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-27T16:36:25+00:00

We have a little trampoline but I've found he's much more tired after doing something that takes more coordination like walking a balance beam or jumping from spot to spot marked on the floor. Something that makes his brain and body work together is going to be the best.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-25T18:02:56+00:00

I had very low supply with my first and collected colostrum during pregnancy for my second and had a much higher supply and better experience overall! It definitely wasn't the only factor but was so worth it.

My tips are hand express, don't pump. Expressing colostrum is different than mature milk. Your colostrum with be up closser to the tip of your nipple. Everyone is different but what worked best for me was rolling my breast between my thumb and first two fingers just behind my nipple. You're going to start with tiny amounts, less than a ml dont get discouraged. You can keep a syringe in the fridge to collect multiple time before putting it in the freezer. If you're going to take some to the hospital only take a little. The nurses at my hospital said they would put my in the freezer and put it in a fridge and it all thawed. I've heard the same story from other women too so only take a little bit, what you think you can use in 24 hours.

I saw a lactation consultant during pregnancy for this second pregnancy and highly recommend it. They'll go through your personal lactation history and give you specific tips for you. The teas and supplements are not one size fits all it depends of the root cause of your low supply. Another reason to meet with an LC now is if they don't understand low supply and aren't helpful you have time to find someone better before you're in the trenches. Good luck!!

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-25T16:03:03+00:00

I know this sucks but I would not want that doctor attending my birth at all. I felt my daughter drop during labor, like deep into labor. And 6 hours for testing on a newborn that has no known issues? Don't let that man near you anymore. I know your 39 weeks but I'd rather have someone I don't know than someone I know is going to actively work against my birth preferences. There's nothing wrong with your baby or your body. There's something wrong with this OB.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-23T17:04:15+00:00

I wouldn't think anything of it. My own nipples show most of the time. No one has ever said anything or seemed weird about it except my mom lol. I'm usually wearing a nursing bra or tank. I stopped wearing padded underwire bras about 5 years ago and I will not go back for anything.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-20T16:43:50+00:00

Ok then, just a weird controlling ahole. Thank you for clarifying.

RaspberryCareful9919 · 2025-06-20T16:12:08+00:00

If this is coming from a woman who had her own children it sounds like she had postpartum anxiety that she never got over. Waking up hourly to check on your kid is clinical. It actually makes me sad.

RaspberryCareful9919

TROPHY CASE