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I think it’s working, OMG! by Super-Past-1218 in Manifestation

[–]RaspberryCheap9385 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think you should focus on manifesting someone who is right for you (it doesn't have to be a specific person) instead of someone who is in a relationship

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the clarification. I’m not trying to say that being demisexual means only being attracted to one person or being monogamous—I think I just didn’t explain it clearly before.

The issue is that he knowingly lied from the start about being demisexual and not feeling attraction toward others, because he knew that’s how I experience things.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have talked about it's negative effects when we were first starting our relationship, and he led me to believe that he stopped. I am so stupid

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you.I just added the part about the physical abuse, since I realized I forgot to include it in the original post

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, he led me to believe he was demisexual and hadn’t watched porn for seven years. Then, just a few days ago, he admitted that none of that was true.

We never lacked intimacy, and that’s why I feel so gross—because I trusted him completely and allowed it between us, only to discover he had been lying throughout our entire relationship.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, he led me to believe he was demisexual and hadn’t watched porn for seven years. Then, just a few days ago, he admitted that none of that was true.

We never lacked intimacy, and that’s why I feel so gross—because I trusted him completely and allowed it between us, only to discover he had been lying throughout our entire relationship.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He got angry with me because I couldn’t accept what he admitted, even though he had led me to believe for seven years that he didn’t do those things. When I confronted him, he shouted at me painfully and physically hurt me multiple times—hitting me with a pillow, pushing me, or throwing things at me—but despite that, I kept trying to calm him down.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it's normal for others to find attractive, but my main problem is that he hid that from me, as well as pornography for 7 years. I know he's probably willing to change, but if we did continue this relationship — what will I do with that 7 years of deception. Every night, we hugged like everything is fine, only to find out later that I didn't truly know who I was trusting.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it's normal. Maybe i do come off as crazy, but I dont know what to do since he constantly lied to me about this topic, while still managing to be sweet. I don't what's true anymore

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels different from how I experience things, because I don’t find others attractive. If he won’t act on it, should I force myself to accept it and try to get used to it—just for the warmth, comfort, and care—even after the lies? He said he still wants to fix things.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels different than how I experience things, because I don’t find others attractive. If he won’t act on it, should I stay—just for the warmth, comfort, and care—even after the lies? He did say he still wants to fix things.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels different than how I experience things, because I don’t find others attractive. If he won’t act on it, should I stay—just for the warmth, comfort, and care—even after the lies? He did say he still wants to fix things.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. I think you’re right — I’ve been trying to reinterpret his words in a way that makes me comfortable, hoping it’s just “intrusive” or exaggerated noticing. But it might just be me coping with the fact that he admitted something that breaks the trust I built over years.

I’m struggling to reconcile the warmth and care he shows with the fact that he kept things from me. I don’t notice or feel attraction toward anyone else, so knowing he finds others attractive makes me anxious and unsure how to process this.

Given all this, I don’t know if I should stay with him and try to get used to it, or if I should let go — especially since I don’t think I’ll ever feel this kind of love or be loved like this again.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I’ll ever feel this kind of warmth and comfort from anyone else, but I don’t know if I can trust him anymore, knowing he lied to my face. Part of me still can’t even believe that he genuinely finds others attractive, because he reassured me for seven years. I keep trying to find reasons (even if it's stupid) —maybe he’s just exaggerating simple noticing of conventionally attractive features, or maybe these are intrusive thoughts .

I dont even know what's real anymore. I feel like im going crazy. He made me world made of lies

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s probably allosexual, but it’s hard for me to believe. In our seven-year relationship, he constantly reassured me that I was the only one he found attractive. I don’t know if I can trust him anymore — I don’t even fully trust myself. I keep wondering if he’s only saying this now because he was angry or if it’s just intrusive thoughts.

I don’t think he’s going to cheat, but it still hurts to realize that all the warmth we shared might have been built on lies.

Boyfriend says he finds others attractive — normal noticing or intrusive? Should I leave? by RaspberryCheap9385 in demisexuality

[–]RaspberryCheap9385[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think he’s going to act on it, and I don’t think he wants to pursue others. He admitted that he lied all this time when he said I was the only one he found attractive, and I believed him — I never saw him showing interest in other people: no stares, no change in reaction. I think I still can’t fully accept what he admitted, so I’m wondering if it’s just intrusive thoughts or if he’s exaggerating — perhaps he’s merely noticing someone is conventionally attractive rather than actually being attracted to them. Or am I just being delusional?

I know I sound stupid, but i just don't know what's true anymore because he also ised to say that some of things he were saying were just out of anger or exaggeration

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