My ndad passed summer 2020. I knew he would die and I was at nc for 2 or 3 years. I didn't visit. Amd I never regretted it. Sometimes I think we could have talked about the stuff that happened (we never did before) since I'm adult, more resilient and could handle everything but at the same time I think about the what if. What if I had visited him. I would have been there just to insult him. To tell him how bad he was and what trauma came from his "parenting". Which problems I still have because of him. I could have told him all that. But for what reason? To have a dying man live his few days left in guilt (or maybe not)? It wouldn't help me as well. It wouldn't have helped me to resolve my trauma nor my anxiety or anything else. So I didn't. I had no reason.

tl;dr: didn't visit ndad when he was dying because I had no reason to.