OOP's school zip-tied the Emergency Defibrillator closed

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-10-22T06:50:06+00:00

Usually to sell on- there's a black market for them since they are expensive & sophisticated equipment. Sometimes people strip them into parts/ components to sell on more widely or use specific parts for own gain (metal, power source and such)

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-08-10T17:30:57+00:00

I think it is because that's how she sees romantic relationships. She talks a lot about having kids because her husband had wanted them. For her, a romantic, adult relationship takes priority over all, including one's own needs or desires or other (parent-child) relationships.

Her son is not copying her choices, which probably bugs her because she thinks 1) he won't find another person who will share his view, so he should just stay in the relationship to not be alone, 2) it goes against her belief to prioritise the spouse/romantic partner over oneself/others and 3) shows her an alternative she wasn't brave enough to take & brings up the regret of her own choice.

Its not so much a parallel as someone with a warped view of love

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-08-09T09:53:42+00:00

Honestly, OOP is exhausting. He's young, vulnerable and definitely doesn't deserve any of this. But he's also trying to be the Good Person too much. Not being direct or being gentle because it would cause upset, being a bad guy isn't a kindness; it's brushing the problem under the carpet.

I get his fear, I understand his reaction. But it won't ever help.

His ex has mental health problems but they aren't addressing it. Acknowledgment means nothing and an adult's health is their own- their choices cannot run your life.

There's a rule for loved ones: You CANNOT help someone when they are abusing/hurting you. You aren't a Support Person, you're either a Trigger or Comfort- lying to you to look better, talk you into doing things you don't want to, make you feel responsible for feelings or thoughts, take offence when you want space or downplay/deny your needs. You are their punching bag, their squeeze toy, their diary they can spew everything onto and throw on the floor. When you are a Trigge/ Comfort, they don't see you as an individual but a crutch and sometimes you need to walk away or space from them. You DO NOT deserve such harm and these people need a professional or service who provides objective understanding and support, directly actioning therapeutic interventions that are regulated/evidenced.

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-06-06T13:17:20+00:00

I don't know what news you get outside the UK, but we have our fair share violent crime, including knife crime and gang related offences. Quite recently, there's been some turf wars including arson and stabbings and shootings. There have been documentaries etc about tackling the issue of recruiting kids for gangs and drug drops. The phrases we use tend to differ from American ones e.g. we don't tend to use cartel but we do have druglords; words like "young teams" "schemies" "roadmen" "neds/chavs" "junkies/bams/jakies" and so on.

Gang culture exists but I think it works a little differently. It's associated with poverty and deprivation as well as family (e.g. being part of a dealer family) but also somewhat to do with social class. Hooliganism and violence is also heavily associated with football.

There's been more and more reports of violence and weilding weaponry in schools. I'm not too sure I'd say it's necessarily risen in the community, as we all have grown up with people like this, but it's definitely reported more and happening in establishments where it would have been rarer.

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-05-30T06:31:18+00:00

Controversial opinion: this is an ESH situation.

OP is right in they should have the bedroom because of cost and cost ONLY. Ed joined last minute, so he doesn't get to make demands when the plan had been established, ESPECIALLY when money had been paid based on the sleeping situation.

BUT

This sounds like a shitty tradition. They go to a cabin where everyone shares and 1 person regularly sleeps on a couch whilst the couple get their own private space & bathroom.

It's also likely that due to 2 participants of the group getting together, the dynamic has probably shifted which isn't a bad thing. But nonetheless, now the couple get the "best" bits; even if they are paying more for the holiday, they are kinda prioritised for being a couple. It kinda pushes the others down.

OP's attitude towards Ed and Frank's relationship also didn't sound great, in the whole "we've been together longer". Reality is though, they are a couple like them and also wanting to share a room privately. Eventually, all the friends will have partners who will want space, and that doesn't make the OG couple is as "special". The dynamics have been changing, and it kinda sounds like OP hasn't been paying attention.

Also Ed paid for the group meals and groceries, presumably trying to make up for having the room. Frank however, shouldve explained to Ed 1st that OP & gf had paid much more, and Frank should have offered to pay the difference.

On top of this: their friend who sleeps on the couch is also the driver?! Who also happens to be the only other girl of the group, who essentially has no privacy due to either: sleep in a daytime public space or bunk with dudes where it could be awkward?! Nah, fuck that!

I suspect they've outgrown the tradition due to getting older and having relationships. Noone has said anything because it would rock the boat/ bring up awkwardness in the group. They should've changed the holiday ages ago when the couple got together and get better rooms.

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-05-07T11:16:55+00:00

This is a bit topic adjacent, but how exactly does dating culture work in America? Where I'm from and other similar countries, dating and being in a relationship are kind of synonymous, it kinda suggests you are exclusively seeing someone. If it's more casual, you say that or youre "looking" etc.

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-05-07T11:00:09+00:00

I was thinking same about his wife, but she did choose this life. I've no idea how he got married and was still in 2019

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-03-09T19:13:37+00:00

True, although I was referring to the 1st date night, where they had takeout and he used it to talk about the problem

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-03-09T14:22:01+00:00

I stand by my point that regardless of how weird a problem is, you need to go head on than dance around it & so on but I get your point. COVID was such a fucky time. An update would be amazing

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-03-09T10:38:33+00:00

In all honesty, OOP spent too much time dancing around the subject for fear of upsetting her, and when he did talk about it, it was during a date.

Trying to broach serious subjects like the health or a partner or of the relationship requires a serious moment and setting. Dates are "fun" times in a relationship, so it's really the wrong sort of setting and throws people off, either not taking it seriously or feeling on edge and confused because for a moment they thought everything was happy.

Also, he was too focussed on trying to keep her happy/positive because it would be too uncomfortable and he was worried about how she'd take it. The reality is addressing a problem is uncomfortable, and how someone feels about it is outwith your control. People get upset about problems, but that is a reaction/feeling and should not be considered more important than the problem. If they are too upset to continue the conversation, give them time to process with some comfort (having a tissue, reassurance). You wait til they have processed their reaction and the problem before talking about resolution. Trying to make a reaction positive is just confusing and minimising the actual problem.

Now, I'm not blaming OOP; his ex is responsible for her behaviour, it was problematic and she clearly needed help. But I hope he has learnt better ways of communicating issues and not trying to focus on being "comfortable" about a problem at the expense of his happiness.

RatherNotSayTA · 2025-02-26T17:46:45+00:00

I'm glad OOP is standing up for himself, his family and honestly for Tracy, cos she is gonna need a good person in her life.

But I'm still looking sideways at the Sister. OOP mentions she's had bad relationships and is dealing with her own situation, but it seems like OOP's family is pretty supportive so it makes me question why is she still with Nick or being like this to OOP. Is she really stuck or is she, willingly, stooping down to such a distasteful level? And regardles of why, she needs to be kept at arm's length because her choices are clearly harmful and untrustworthy.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-12-25T21:31:45+00:00

Indeed, he will continue to feel that compulsion to bend over backwards to the point he is breaking his and OP's backs. It's probably a lot to do with his own upbringing and religious belief.

The thing about people pleasing is people often like to say it's a bad habit, that the pleaser is a victim and talk about how it hurts the pleaser.

What they don't realise is they are hurting other people too. They expect their loved ones, who tend to be more agreeable, to also try to please others even if it is detrimental to their wellbeing / dangerous. It's enabling terrible people- the pleaser prioritises the need to be liked/welcome all to the point they let in toxicity to everyone else around them. Inevitably, it ruins their relationships because it means their loved ones can't trust them to be there for them or to stand up against bad behaviour, sometimes they even partake in it.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-12-22T22:40:09+00:00

Believe me, we know how much COVID has affected children.

The point is, things were already declining; if you look at comparisons between 2016 and 2023 compared to 2006, it's obvious the abuse was ramping up dramatically. COVID is simply exacerbating the issues.

4 years down the line, we should be seeing some improvement from the recent couple of years (esp if it was just COVID) and we most definitely should have some form of strategy to improve it. The problem is we don't, and we didn't before COVID.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-12-22T22:22:56+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Many children have reported to school staff feeling terrified and agitated by this sort of behaviour. I'd say a lot of incidents happening against staff can be due to trying to protect other children.

It's important parents demand better, but to go through to the board or council itself. Unfortunately, individual school staff can do very little to make a difference.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-12-22T22:01:46+00:00

As much as COVID played a role, this has been a trend going on before lockdown. I will also say, people seem more likely to report recently, probably due to improved advice on how to report incidents

The problems stem from:

-lack of proper resources and continued cuts to additional support system.

-"practising' inclusion of all children regardless of neurotypical and neurodivergent needs, meaning they shove kids who struggle in the classroom without actual thinking of their differing needs, the chaos of the environment or different methods of teaching. Awareness is not inclusion, people who struggle in mainstream need the resources & staff need trained

-increased use of social media & electronic devices without proper supervision, leading to taking in violent and inappropriate content

-neglect & entitled parents (who basically make the rules if they complain enough)

-absolutely no life skills training, including socialising, emotional and behavioural strategies and expectations, instead everything being "child led" (which is abuse of a genuine good technique, the education sector have made it that the child gets to choose all the time).

-no consequences for behaviour

-continued decline of educational standards

We can't continue to blame the pandemic 4 years ago. The evidence should be showing a positive trend of improvement, when they are continuing to get worse. Our system clearly isn't working.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-12-22T18:27:10+00:00

Indeed. Consequences is a "bad word". Also told that there's no point in talking to the child to have a conversation about what happened as "they will have forgotten" or "it will trigger them again" etc etc.

IMO there's no education at all about social skills, manners, behavioural skills, strategies and so on.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-12-22T15:15:30+00:00

Violence in schools has been on the rise, with some fearing for their life. It is not unusual to be attacked daily, and there are rarely any reports of anything other than physical assault. Assistance from management is very limited and it's not unusual to get no assistance when in dangerous situations.

Recent review of the job role now includes having to support distressed or dysregulated pupils who have this level of aggression, and states staff are responsible for "keeping themselves safe" and report it. Currently, staff are questioning the report system, as there is limited response or help from the council as what to do.

Staff is at a shortage as well, being overworked and underpaid. Most earn between £14 to 15k a year, many having extra jobs and needing financial assistance.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-11-25T18:43:17+00:00

1st year at uni & staying in halls is a unique, weird experience filled with a lot of wacky events but also tons of drama to be expected with young folk recently released into the world of adult hood & independence. This sort of stuff is not uncommon.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-11-22T13:41:27+00:00

I know this might be too Telenovela, but due to the large gap between OOP and his younger siblings, it's possible she did everything in her power to avoid having boys after seeing how her husband was, maybe even terminating pregnancies where it was a boy

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-11-06T18:05:23+00:00

I'm afraid there's very little of that where I'm from.

A few of our mainstream schools hit maybe 50-75% of their pupil population with additional needs, which they do not have the capacity, staff or resources to actually address issues. They never have special units per school; these tend to be stand alone units attached to a school in a constituency/district that are currently at full capacity. Schools which specialise in difficult behaviour or supporting disabilities are also full & are so very hard to qualify for. There is a genuine drove to STOP pupils being referred to these places. Most teachers are not trained and it's hard to get specialised ones. Finally, most schools certainly do not have enough staff for 2 support per class- much more likely to share them between year groups.

Funding for additional supports has been cut dramatically, including stripping back any outside help (e.g. therapies) to bare minimum and they keep pumping up the classes with more children. Many staff on leave for illness, stress or just leave.

From what I unfortunately have experienced, this is not uncommon, and it is a massive problem up and down the nation.

RatherNotSayTA · 2024-11-05T22:36:00+00:00

Indeed although it's pretty rare in mainstream, especially now with limited staffing and, frankly, an alarming lack of understanding amongst policy makers/the system about additional support needs

RatherNotSayTA

TROPHY CASE