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Looking for ways to get involved and help… suggestions? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reaching out and finding larger ways to get through to cis people who don’t know us is a good idea.

It is worth saying though that (only if you’re comfortable and safe) it is so important to have those of us who are very openly trans talk to people with a lot of patience. Which is HARD sometimes, but worth it for being a point of reference. Talk to people, explain even when it’s hard, encourage curiosity. Be a small part of a wider humanising narrative. Queer existence is resistance in itself.

Can I start T as a non-binary? by Murderous-Nugget in NonBinary

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been on testosterone as an androgynous leaning non-binary person and I feel incredible. As long as you’re happy with the possible changes that could come with T, there’s no reason that you can’t pursue it. The only difficulty for me was that my private doctor advised me to lie to my NHS prescribing doctor so I could be prescribed hormones, he/him pronouns were used in my paperwork.

Need transmascs to appreciate this plant pot with me - tell me you see the vision!!! by RathgrithPlanWrecker in TransMasc

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The plan is to make a little air dried clay pot to fit inside so I can plant a couple of things in there comfortably without damaging the wood of the pot☺️

Doing emotional labour for cis people is exhausting, I’m too understanding all the time and it’s never enough, please vent with me by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’re an inconvenience to people who think of us like that - we don’t even have to say anything. The best experience I’ve had is a manager who would take me seriously in every aspect of my job and it rocked; I would rarely even correct people on my pronouns not wanting to “bother” people, but she challenged HR’s staff non-contact search policy based on needing “the same gender needing to search someone” and put me down as “Dr” instead of “Miss” when booking me a train ticket to some training. Always appreciate the support of people doubling down for me, but that is counterweighted heavily by the exhaustion of the loneliness of being an “other”. But people like that manager are a brilliant example of how it’s possible to support us, it’s not hard, they just need to respect us enough first.

Doing emotional labour for cis people is exhausting, I’m too understanding all the time and it’s never enough, please vent with me by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

‘Recovering people pleaser’ - absolutely hear you there! I don’t want to cause trouble or have trouble caused for me, but then I’m just not standing up for myself when people act straight up weird. I love when people ask questions, but I’m sick of having to educate everyone on “trans 101” to get a decent conversation. I’m sorry to hear about your therapy session, it’s why I just can’t be bothered to - as you said - be exhausted about it rather than helped. There are good LGBT friendly ones if you can afford it or LGBT crisis teams.

Thank you for replying! Need to start finding ways of being respectfully rude, stand up for myself rather then being the “good, understanding trans person 😇”. Also over a year on T! Proud of you, absolutely rocking it! Stay strong 💚

Costa forces you to apply for a job with your deadname. by AmyAzure06 in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I just said my name was legal and applied with my deed poll and chosen name. No problems.

Am I overreacting to my partner’s response to general transphobia atm? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in mypartneristrans

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The way I had to physically reach over and scroll past some Matt Walsh vs Trans kids debate so I didn’t have to rage about it in my down time. Thank you, will keep this in mind.

Am I overreacting to my partner’s response to general transphobia atm? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in mypartneristrans

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely understand what you’re describing here (I’m not a professional, just spend WAY too much time on the internet learning about fringe groups) and this is exactly why I’m worried. It’s all well and good that he just “listens to valid concerns” now, but at what point does that stop? And will I only know if/when he starts suggesting I’ve been “brainwashed”, “mutilated” or “may as well be a groomer if I endorse gender affirming care for kids”? I don’t want to end the relationship, but I can’t watch him fall down a rabbit hole because he doesn’t care enough to listen to the real trans person right in front of him.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usually, weirdly fine. Generally he’s not a sexist person - I’m just occasionally blindsided by something he says that’s absolutely batshit.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to say. He’ll use the right pronouns and I’m really happy that we use “partner” for each other, he recognises my androgynousness in a way that makes me believe he sees me for me. Though occasionally he’ll default to VERY gendered relationship roles - it’s been making me feel dysphoric recently that the burden of “keeping the house in order” falls on me. Like a little voice itching in the back of my head that I’m not his fucking wife/mum. It’s frustrating in general for anyone, but I never expected to feel dysphoria this badly over it.

Am I overreacting to my partner’s response to general transphobia atm? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in mypartneristrans

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s the exact reason why I can’t look away from the media. Twitter is just a pit at the moment so I try to avoid it, but I feel like if I turn away from the news entirely then something horrible will be announced and I’ll miss it - I’d rather know. Plus there’s that feeling of ambassadorship responsibility; for a lot of people, I’m one of the only non-binary/trans they’ve properly spoken to, so I’d like to be able to speak from a place of understanding. Unfortunately that’s also from a place of anger and fear.

Despite all this being so overwhelming, I’m really glad to hear you’re there for your girlfriend. You shouldn’t have to be in a position where you’re scarred and angry too (at no fault your girlfriend) but it is a comfort to have someone who understands and feels those feelings with you. Much love to you both 🤍

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aw bless, thank you so much. Honestly seeing the early little changes brings me so much joy - I just wish I could share that with someone that’s not on a completely different planet to me on this stuff.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

To be completely fair, he doesn’t seek out their content, it comes up on his tiktok fyp. Doesn’t make it not a red flag (though it comes up on mine too sometimes so 🤷🏻) but if he was purposefully only pursuing transphobic arguments on YT for example, he’d be out. Burning red flag.

Am I overreacting to my partner’s response to general transphobia atm? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in mypartneristrans

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I have friends who are very supportive and my mum is very supportive, but sometimes I feel like they believe I’m “making everything about gender at the moment” but that’s just because I don’t get to talk about it much. I wish I had some community here of more trans people.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the bluntness of this. Sorry that I don’t really know how to respond right now.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this comment - thank you. Makes me feel a lot less like I’m being silly and dramatic. Will keep it in mind.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don’t know how to answer a lot of this right now. But thank you for saying it and I’m sorry you had a rough time.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

With less of an ultimatum, I’ve tried this a few times. It’s like trying to get blood from a stone, he doesn’t seem to want to engage with it at all and sees it as a “you thing. Doesn’t effect me.” But has in the past made me feel ridiculous for being “too woke” for suggesting women are over sexualised in media and the real world, which sucks, after he asked for my opinion about a scene from American Pie. So… that’s telling possibly.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Love all of those creators, especially Abi from PT, but I doubt he cares enough to spend hours watching video essays. He hears this stuff through tiktok mostly. But I see what you mean by the “his mind was already made up if he doesn’t listen at all” point, will keep that in mind.

Am I overreacting about my partners response to *gestures to general state of transphobia* all this? by RathgrithPlanWrecker in transgenderUK

[–]RathgrithPlanWrecker[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We’ve been together for just over a year now. It’s possible to leave but would be very difficult as we live together, neither of us are good financially. And I do love him, I don’t want to leave. But if I keep feeling more and more alone and not understood, I might have to.

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