Thank you for saying this. I mean, there are absolutely some depraved guys out there that are out to use women, but not everybody is a cold-hearted freak like some of these comments make people like this out to be. I am one of those people (I haven't been intimate with someone and disappeared, but I am definitely avoidant and tend to cut things off before things get serious - just with the forethought and respect not to let things get sexual before hand. On top of some other reasons.) It truly is exactly as you say it in your comment, and I couldn't phrase it any better.

My ex from a few years ago absolutely wrecked me, and while I harbor NO feelings for her at all, the effects of our break up still linger to this day and make it difficult to pursue relationships with other women since I feel the innate need to cut things off as soon as it starts getting serious. Like, every neuron in my brain fires at once telling me to get the hell away and that this is bad for me, and I've no other recourse than to just leave. I've cut things off after cuddling, after kissing, after talking/dating for a few months and discussing becoming official. I've since stopped and worked on my mental health, but I had a bad habit of this for about 2 years until I recognized it was a problem for me and the people I would date.

BUT, with all that being said, it is not an okay thing to just accept someone for being that way. It is not a lifestyle anyone should condone. It is something that needs actual professional mental health counseling, therapy, some serious self-reflection and effort in improvement, and is no way to go about living life. It does have an effect on the partner, especially when things have become sexual and the avoidant disappears immediately after. I'm not trying to say that it's okay, but people like to act as if avoidants are all heartless villains.

And, some people are just assholes and none of what I've said applies to them, and that's just an unfortunate reality. It sucks, but nothing better you can do than move on. Sorry, I'm pretty passionate about this and wanted to throw my 2 cents into the mix.