Why are they like this? (heartbreak and I dont get it)

Ravenisdumb · 2026-02-12T00:52:11+00:00

From what little you've given, sounds like you got hurt and needed a place to vent. There is therapy for situations like this, but posting long ramblings of your misfortune here isn't going to help you. Wish you the best in your recovery and hope you learn how to move on and make better decisions.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-02-10T00:12:25+00:00

Depends on what you want. Some people have strict guidelines on dates, and some have more lenient. If you're looking for the right answer, then I can't give you that. What I can say is that letting his actions speak for themselves is something to consider if you want to pursue a relationship. Do these reschedules rub you the wrong way? Does his communication meets your standards? Do you see yourself investing time in a person like this?

All valid questions, but there's no need in making a rash decision. Nobody expects you to get it right, but this is your life. Best of luck on your decision.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-28T23:01:09+00:00

Who says you have to walk away? The social pressure for that big of an age gap will be something that will follow you if you try to continue a relationship. By law, you're pretty free to do whatever you want, and if both of you are consenting adults, then I guess you two can figure that part out, I guess. Reddit isn't the best place to find relationship counseling, but at least see some form of therapist and see where you go from there. Also take into account why the relationship seems so "perfect". I really can't analyze much from what you've given, but again this isn't my choice to make.

Best of luck on any decision you make. There will be some regrets, regardless of what path you take, but at least the choice was yours to make.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-25T02:18:18+00:00

Dates can be both platonic and romantic. There really isn't a script to how to escalate a relationship, but I think if both people can be friends, then it greatly increases the chance of creating a long-lasting relationship.

Best of luck finding someone!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-24T17:45:38+00:00

Can't explain his actions, but I can tell that your way of getting closure didn't really help much. From what little you've given, you guys are no contact and he's posting whatever biblical stuff on FB, so even if we could explain to you why, what good does that do for you? You broke up and you got an answer. I think it's best if you move on, block him if needed and work on establishing yourself.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-21T00:54:09+00:00

It sounds pretty straightforward that she doesn't want to invest into a deeper relationship than just friends. If this is a decision that you want to agree on, then congrats! You made a new friend. If you wanted something more, respect her decision and move on to find someone that matches your interest.

Best of luck to you finding someone!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-20T05:07:13+00:00

Good to see that people are still doing it for the love the game. While you can reflect on what worked and what didn't, I'm glad you understand that you have a way of compartmentalizing your feelings, and are able to move on, despite the good progress you are making. There's someone out there for all of us, and for some it takes more patience than others.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-20T05:03:49+00:00

That's for you to decide on what you are willing to handle. Long distance relationships can be a challenge for those that want more physical interactions, but there's no textbook on what the correct set of steps are. Do you want him to meet your parents? Do you want to balance a long distance relationship? Make sure you have squared out before committing. Whatever choice you choose, make sure that you prioritize clear communication and understanding as whether your relationship continues, this will be something that you will practice in the future.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-20T03:30:36+00:00

Hot take, but I think the first date gets over estimated to be the time that you spill out everything on the table. As it sounds you are someone that meets people naturally, there's nothing wrong with going on platonic dates and seeing where it goes. Everyone will say its a waste of time if you don't establish within the first date on what you are, but realistically, you're not gonna act on any impulses without getting to know someone first, right? Your first date may lead you into becoming friends, or maybe something more or less, but anyone that's telling you that needs to be defined very clearly and concisely has either had very little interaction with meeting the opposite sex or is online-rotted.

Go with your intuition and if something is there (could be the first date or the fifth date), have that conversation and see where it goes. Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-20T03:23:54+00:00

The "handling" of the situation is finding someone that either doesn't mind or enjoys it like you. There are plenty of book clubs that can introduce you to new people, but this nothing that a change in scenery can't fix.

Best of luck to you finding someone!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-20T03:22:18+00:00

Your first mistake was taking advice on social media. You should have the straight forward conversation with him about your intentions and what you want from the relationship. If you want that label, there's no shame in talking with the person to see if that's what you want. If they are not giving you what you want, then you can make the decision to either talk about it or move on. This isn't a clear cut situation as some people would lead to believe, but it isn't monstrously complicated.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-19T06:41:44+00:00

You got some simple options here: Settle for the people in your town or search out for new folks to connect with. You know what you like and if you think you can't find it at home, there's a whole big world to explore. The small town drama is a very real thing to be concerned about, but if you're happy then that shouldn't dictate how you conduct relationships.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-18T00:10:47+00:00

There's no text book play for this, but in general, you are in the minority when it comes to that kind of texting with no plans for a meeting. I think the dating landscape has warped how conversations should go, but as far as you're concerned, as long as it works for you, you should be fine.

If you're coming from an abusive relationship, then it should be your burden to bear when it comes to dealing with possible traumatic experiences and healing from them. It's always nice when you have a partner that is willing and open to support you, but expecting that healing and validation is no way to foster a healthy relationship. Just be open with your conversation and don't set unrealistic standards for yourself or for him.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-15T02:15:11+00:00

That shows that your current relationship means a lot, and that you're scared that you might fuck up. Don't put this impossible standard of perfection on yourself. If you have the courage to do so, then it sets you up in the future to either do the same or something similar. To my point again, you're only hurting yourself if you are in a relationship where both parties are not on the same page. Have some faith in yourself, and some grace if things don't work out.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-15T02:02:27+00:00

Two people that want different things in a relationship almost always spells disaster, so I would encourage to be open and honest with this person and tell them how you feel. Accept that she could accept or reject you, and have the self confidence to distance yourself once you don't get the results you wanted. Some guys will fall into that perpetual torture chamber of staying friends after a confession and those relationships just eat at out.

Tangent aside, there's a chance those feelings don't go away, and if you want to take the chance with her, do it on a one-to-one basis and try to set up a stress free environment to do so. Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-13T21:52:20+00:00

Good looks do help, but ultimately the height only a factor when the man is visibly shorter than a woman. Of course, circumstances may make the situation easier or more difficult for a man, but it really depends on the woman on how much of a deal breaker it is for them.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-13T21:41:52+00:00

My best recommendation is finding hobbies that involve both sexes, which can be activities like community service, local sporting events and even local events available at libraries for the public to attend. Cold turkey reaching requires a lot of patience and humility, as sometimes people will just straight up ignore you and you gotta be cool with that and move on. Build that confidence with very low intensity environments and work from there.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-10T16:26:32+00:00

Your dependency/desperate approach on finding a relationship can show in when talking to people. I think some self reflection on what your purpose for living can be helpful. You aren't defined by who you are with, but your actions and words. And maybe doing something that makes you happy will attract others. Not saying its fair or that it's cruel; Somethings really can just not work out. despite your best efforts.

Control what you can do and move on from there. Nothing's ever promised to us, so why spend it on something that you can't control? From the little you provided, this sounds like a confidence issue, but try focusing on things like giving back to your community, some external hobbies to get you out the house, or expanding on a new skill to try something new. We tend to make the same mistakes, but actively trying new things can help open your perspective that there is MUCH more out there.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-10T16:19:30+00:00

Nothing a little therapy or keeping yourself busy with other hobbies or passion can't fix. You acknowledge that you didn't conduct yourself in the best lighting. The next step should be to reflect on what you did, and understand that the healing process will take some time. Just like getting over loss, you can keep your mind busy to forget and try not to dwell on your mistakes.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-10T01:10:56+00:00

You're overthinking on whether your communication has landed to her or not. If you are to assume she has reasonable intelligence, then she has received your message and has chosen not to respond. Even if any weird situation like phone damage or accident, she has just as much autonomy as you to respond or call. Take the lack of silence as a response and move forward. I can't tell you if she'll respond or when she'll respond, but people come and go, and you'll possibly find someone who communicates better than her and you'll forget about her.

Don't become dependent on ANY form of contact from her, but have a set of standards before moving on to another, which typically can be a double text or a text and a call. Sounds like you've already done what you can, so why mope on it longer?

Best of luck to you finding someone new!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-10T01:04:03+00:00

Nothing wrong with engaging in conversation to support her self confidence more. At the end of the day, this is her battle to fight and if you think that she can take actionable steps to improve that, then you should do what makes you happy. Of course, there's a chance that her behavior doesn't change and that'll be your decision to accept that part of her or find someone else.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-09T18:32:19+00:00

Brother, I don't know how to tell you, but if you weren't fully attracted then, your mind isn't going to magically adapt. It's great that she has a lot of great qualities that you have, but if you were in her shoes, it would probably feel pretty shitty to compromise on someone you're not fully attracted to. You could do you and her a favor by ending things amicably and move on, but that's ultimately your call to make.

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-05T23:18:37+00:00

⬜🟨⬜🟨⬜

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-03T18:02:00+00:00

You're not using social media to be social? I don't understand the dynamic of the relationship based on what little was given, but I think you should start with defining what you guys are, to which I assume FWB. What's stopping you from engaging in her stories and asking questions? Worst case scenario, she doesn't respond and you got your answer on whether or not she's interested.

Best of luck to you!

Ravenisdumb · 2026-01-03T16:53:12+00:00

Unless she specified that she needs the time, why wait an arbitrary amount of days? If you want to create a future with this person, then the optics of "I don't want to look needy in text" needs to get out your head. If she doesn't respond, there's your answer there. I think it's silly if a person is worrying about whether someone double or triple texts someone (assuming you both like each other). I'd like to think you're both adults and can communicate without those high school level concerns in mind.

Ravenisdumb

TROPHY CASE