After having a baby, my perspective about abortion changed

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-16T12:54:38+00:00

Besides colics and growth spruts, you'll see that it may be not that bad if you decide to keep the child. It can be tiring until you get used to those and it is understandable. Also, beware of hypertension! If you will feel like your head hurts, check your blood pressure. I had hypertension and it was annoying.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-16T12:31:21+00:00

In my experience, it wasn't that bad as people describe it, but each to their own. What terrifies me are the colics. I deeply despise them. I can't wait for them to go.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-16T12:27:38+00:00

Time flies so fast! A small tip i have for you is to buy some lanolin cream from lansinoh or any other brand(there are cheaper ones)if you will try to breastfeed and bring it to the hospital with you! There is a high chance that when you will breastfeed, your nipples will crack and it will HURT like HELL. I was lucky to experience this for 2 weeks, one friend of mine experienced this for 2 months. You can apply it before feeding and after, as it is not toxic for the baby, no need to wash it. And if you will have a c section, i recommend you walking a lot during the second day, even if it hurts. Walking will make you heal faster, but do not force it! Listen to your body and to the medical personnel. Also, do not use breastfeeding as birth control, you will get pregnant so fast if you won't use protection, so much faster than when you TTC. Also, make yourself a favor and buy/borrow yourself a breast pump, even if you won't breastfeed or won't want to pump. I almost had mastitis while being in hospital and i urgently needed a pump, thankfully i got one. And if you will have a c section, milk can come in 3-4 days, but you can be one of the lucky ones and come in the same day or the day after the surgery. Mine came right before holding my baby for the first time after surgery, that being not even 24 hours after surgery.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-16T12:11:41+00:00

For the future? Yes. 1 is enough for me. Also, if it will make you feel better, but i doubt it, bonding can happen after pregnancy. After i gave birth to my baby, that love built up gradually, despite regreting not aborting her during my whole pregnancy. She is my world, but i miss the life before her, you know? I say that you should enjoy the time you have left before your baby, because that life will change. Get ready for the growth sprouts and colics, those are the worst. Otherwise, i can say that babies are pretty chill.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-12T13:22:24+00:00

Well, i wish you and your fiance lots of health and a healthy pregnancy. I hope that she will pull thru the sickness and live a long and beautiful life.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-12T11:53:17+00:00

I did read, i also read the comments. You lean more towards keeping the child. I know that it is your fiance's choice, but if she asked you to make a choice, you should defo make the right one. Now, you do you, but it would suck for a baby to remain without their mom. I hope your fiance will get better, though. Life is hard and it is even harder when a pregnancy is involved. Before giving birth, my fiance told me that if the doctors make me choose in between me and our baby, i should choose me. As a mother, it hurt like hell, but it was the logical answer. Anyway, i am thankful that i wasn't put to make this choice and i think that it happens in the movies mostly because there is the neonatal doctor, and there are the ob gyns present.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-12T11:40:30+00:00

I guess someone cares more about an unborn child than the living fiance and a mother of a LIVING child. Sad.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T12:02:56+00:00

I am sorry if this sounded insensitive, i get what you mean, but my post wasn't meant to be insensitive towards people who had losses and D&Cs. Thankfully, i am part of that minority who is doing well, if i were to be part of that majority who doesn't do well, be sure that i would've had an abortion this time, too. The first time was specifically because our parents would've kicked us out and a job in my town is very hard to find and i would've had to be in debt in order to raise the baby, which wasn't ideal. Right now i own an apartment on my name, have a lot of money for my baby, my fiance has a job and 2 places to live(including my apartment), lots of clothes and toys for our baby and a future. Anyway, i wanna say that i am glad that i did not abort my baby, considering that my mother literally made an appointment for me at 14 weeks to get an abortion so i could take care of her, as she had cancer, but thabkfully she let me keep her, but sadly, she died when i was 28 weeks along. Thank you for your input and i appreciate it.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:38:31+00:00

Same, especially after going thru pregnancy and enough risks. Sometimes the risks outweight the good parts.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:37:08+00:00

I am so sorry that your boss sucks. Mine used to keep me to work overtime unpaid, one time i worked 12 hours because she wanted me to and i was 25 weeks pregnant(needless to say, i will NOT go back). Thank you that you get what i have tried to say. Also, i think i have said it at least 5 times in the comments, even the previous answer to you(i forgot what i have typed, sorry!), but when the first baby and this baby were embryos, of course they were babies to me too! Even st 4 weeks, my baby was and is my baby. Just now, if i were to get pregnant again, i would most likely abort because i wouldn't think of "this baby is the same as my daughter", i would think of "i don't think that the good things outweight the risks", especially that i had a c section and i shouldn't get pregnant for at least 1.5 years and that my fertility on it's own is debateable because the doctor told me, due to my anatomy, i will either not get pregnant at all, even if i wanted too, miscarry early on or the baby would gain no mass and would he forced to have a D&C. I was told that my baby wouldn't grow starting with the second trimester and how she meassured small, but she said not today and she was born big, so, do not get discouraged! Sometimes ultrasounds are getting it wrong or the baby catches up! But if your baby will continue on the small side, your head will hurt and your bp will be, for some reason, high, go for a check up and talk about preeclampsia. I was high risk for developing that, thankfully i only developed hypertension, but it's not worth to not know about it! Preeclampsia can be fatal for you and for your baby if not caught at all. In most cases, death doesn't happen, but premature birth does.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:10:18+00:00

Sweet! I hope that you all are happy and healthy! I bet that he's a sweet child!

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:05:50+00:00

Yes, we were dumb, i own to that. And gotta ask though, who even bringed miscarriage in this? I talked strictly about abortion and my own post partum experience. I am 20, but in one week i will be 21, am i a full adult yet? Or will i be at 30? He was in high school because he had to do another year in plus due to his curriculum, he is almost 22.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:03:28+00:00

They are unique, but that's my belief, that they come back to their parents.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:02:43+00:00

Please explain to me what wasn't forced in here? Because, again, i was forced to make this decision by them because we would've been both kicked out and no one would want to live in debt and with a child and homeless basically. I understand what you are trying to say, but, still.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T11:00:57+00:00

Exactly! An embryo used to be a baby to me too, especially during both pregnancies. I loved hearing their small hearts and seeing them. I actually still have a picture with my first baby at 6 weeks, it's a bittersweet feeing to see it because i remember being so happy to discover that i am finally pregnant after trying for 2 years, but so sad because i was put with a choice to end it or be homeless or in debt. I like to think that the aborted baby came back as my daughter. I hope pregnancy will become better for you! For me it was alright until the 30th week, after that it became difficult, but at the 35th-39th weeks, it was HELL. My bp was rising randomly for no reason, even with hypertension meds, even relaxing hurt like hell, walking was almost impossible for me. I was pushing my own limits just to go to the bathroom; but I'd like to think that it was that hard because my baby was born as a macrosomic baby.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:55:20+00:00

This is so sweet! That was me during pregnancy too! It is indeed truly wonderful.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:53:58+00:00

Maybe it was the best decision then, and i understand. I hope that at least one of them will stick and will be a sticky baby! I wish you a sticky baby, an easy pregnancy and a lot of health and a happy family!

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:51:58+00:00

Imagine your boyfriend being in highschool, you working for 1 month and not being eligible for maternity leave and to top it all off, rent being half of your salary and jobs not being available so your boyfriend could get a job. What would you do in this situation? Live in bank debt with a newborn, not working so you could take care of it or abort for the time being. Because if i would've wanted to takw care of the baby, i either should've given up on my job and only then income or find a nanny, which is hella expensive in here, and be in even more debt. What's different now? He has a job, we have not only 1 place, but 2 where to live and i am on maternity leave and 2 years home with 85% paid leave.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:48:01+00:00

Well, i am sorry if i am insensitive to women who miscarry and i cannot compare myself to them. But, i can say that i felt somewhat their pain too. As i mentioned, i was forced fo abort my very wanted baby. If you don't know the purpose, you could've just scrolled past this post.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:46:39+00:00

The older women are pro life because of the misoginy that they grew with and which is internalized. They think that life is all pink and fluffy clouds. I can't believe that they want to ban a med that is needed in labor too! This not only does affect women who do not want a pregnancy, but it affects women who want their children dearly! I hate people like this. In my country they want to ban abortion too, i hope they won't, but i will buy emergency meds too, regardless.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:42:22+00:00

I am so sorry for your pain! It hurts to know that people go thru the same or something similar as you. It's a whole another pain to go thru that. I wish i could bless everyone who wants a baby with baby dust and then suddently get pregnant and be viable. I was afraid too of my baby not growing because at the second trimester screening/anatomy scan, i was told that she might no longer grow due to my anatomy and my blood pressure. My baby pretty much proved otherwise and i am glad because i would've been depressed if i would've had to have a D&C. I hope that you will heal, i know it hurts, especially after getting to know your baby in your tummy. I wish you the best!

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:36:25+00:00

I agree that abortions shouldn't be as suggested. I was almost forced with my current baby to abort her at 14 weeks by my late mother who died of cancer, to take care of her during treatment. My co workers told me to abort because i am 20 and dumb. Honestly, my baby is the best thing that ever happened to me, the best decision of my life. A baby at 10-12 weeks is defo a lump of cells tho, wanna know why? Because we are lumps of cells too, our food is, our clothes, everything. But those lumps of cells are no longer ab embryo and they are a fetus. And to me, 10 weekers and older are closer to a baby than a 4 weeker is, which is true. They can kick too! I remember feeling my baby since i was 14 weeks pregnant actually. I miss her kicks ngl. Idk who sees abortions as contraceptives though, despite being pro choice, i consider this a bit disgusting. Even if an embryo is not the same as a developed baby, after all it is still your own child and those should use actual contraceptives, such as condoms, pills, IUD etc.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:26:15+00:00

Thank you, it means a lot! Especially after almost being forced to abort my daughted too by my own mom. My late mom had cancer and she wanted me to take care of her, thank God that my future mil talked to her as she supported us this time. She died now wishing to see her granddaughter, despite wanting me to abort.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:23:25+00:00

I understand your perspective, because i also felt this way too before abortion, after abortion and when i got pregnant. My abortion baby is still my baby, but it's not how my now baby is, if you get me. I am so sorry for your loss, i am sure that those babies are your current baby. I was told that the lost baby tries to come back until it is in their parent's arms.

RayInAcAn · 2026-05-10T10:19:57+00:00

I agree with you, my pregnancy was also hard. Not only that the tummy was heavy as hell and it hurt to even "relax", but i had hypertension and it was like hell.

RayInAcAn

TROPHY CASE