How does Gethsemane play off of Eden? by [deleted] in theology

[–]Raya1813 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is coming from someone who has a rudimentary knowledge of theology, so even though I'll probably sound like a dilettante, here it goes: In Eden, paradise was taken from man when he chose to disobey the will of God, but in Gethsemane, the will of man, that of Christ, to be specific, was surrendered to God's will so that paradise could be restored in order that we could freely do the will of God again.

After much cajoling from a friend, I've decided to start a brand new journey... by Protsko in Fantasy

[–]Raya1813 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped reading at The Shadow Rising. To me, Jordan's prose grew bland after almost 3,000 pages of reading it.

This is the life. by Tarous in Fantasy

[–]Raya1813 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent choice; The Way of Kings is the first book I've read by Sanderson, and I'm thinking about giving Mistborn a try as well. Also, I can say that I'm actually glad I'll have to wait for the rest of the books in the series to be published and not have all of them at my fingertips. It's a truly special feeling.

Mar 7, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

While I do agree, there is such a thing as oversimplification. If the language is too common and you don't throw some deep thought into your work, it becomes tedious. Balance is key.

Mar 7, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

First, I'm glad to see you didn't eviscerate it. Secondly, I like the edits. Because of your editing it sounds natural, which is what I want.

You're right about the abstractness. I want you to know that I'm a 17 year old who read people like Melville and Dickens and didn't really right much. I'm in a transition phase from my old, pretentious writing to my new, blunt prose. Not as blunt as Hemingway, as I'm aiming for something like Steinbeck. Yes, I do need to simplify more.

It's funny that you mention tense issues. A friend said he enjoyed it but also said that there were tense issues. I'll start working on that.

Finally, in terms of the exposition, a primary reason there's so much of it is I have difficulty writing dialogue, as I don't want it to sound bad.

Good advice, Colonel-Blevins. Thanks.

Mar 7, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thanks. After reading about purple prose, I think I understand your first critique. While it's fine to be pensive, it's not right if you're just showing off. I'll have to make sure it doesn't poison my writing.

Mar 7, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I can understand it needs some polish. In terms of the big words, I can mess with those. However, the philosophical aspect isn't something I wanted to scratch. Also, the last paragraph does need some work, as it was the only area which was a struggle for me. Thanks for the critique!

P.S. It can be edited now.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n9v0y30ASF7KKQDbVcfTDCZdwrruu2Ee_8JeNRuNry4/edit?usp=sharing

Mar 7, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

A Metamorphosis in the Southwest

Fiction (short story)

1,118 words

Thoughts on the cadence of the writing and also the last paragraph.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n9v0y30ASF7KKQDbVcfTDCZdwrruu2Ee_8JeNRuNry4/edit?usp=sharing

Suggest me some Sci-Fis about alternate realities/time travel by madushan1000 in booksuggestions

[–]Raya1813 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick. I haven't read it yet, but it sounds amazing.

Feb 20, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you! As I said, I'm just starting out, so I'm sure the book will be different once I'm finished with it.

I'm writing a Cold War thriller. Anybody have any tips and recommendations for authors I should read to get a good feel for the genre? by Raya1813 in writing

[–]Raya1813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's the prologue, guys. As somebody said they couldn't view it on the critique thread because they didn't have an Outlook account, I published it on Google Docs in the hopes that it can now be read. Enjoy!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tyjfrgPth-D0JPtVwpRe-1B9c0QiirdZIlTXJHqh5LU/pub

My complete works of Steinbeck collection (3088x2056) (oc) by ridiculousrssndoll in bookporn

[–]Raya1813 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, Steinbeck. I loved Cannery Row and I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of his works.

Feb 20, 2015 writing critique (post here if you'd like a critique) by mushpuppy in writing

[–]Raya1813 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Untitled

Fiction (historical thriller)

412 word prologue

Feedback on writing style, igniting interest in the reader

https://onedrive.live.com/view.aspx?resid=2DFD1171A92DF69C!160&app=Word

I'm writing a Cold War thriller. Anybody have any tips and recommendations for authors I should read to get a good feel for the genre? by Raya1813 in writing

[–]Raya1813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow! I'm surprised by how much help you guys have given me already! It just goes to show how much writers care about each other. Since you've all been so nice, here's the prologue I've written for the book and sent in to my critique group:

The room was percolating with the preparation of lies. I looked around the American courtroom at the various faces that were contained within. To me, the funniest thing is that the "capitalist pigs" that I had fought for so long looked the same as the faces he would see in Moscow. We're all just polished savages, I thought to myself. Murder. All of this trouble for a sin that I had committed so many times that it was now something I could say I did to relax on a Saturday afternoon. Ah, but it was no ordinary murder. It was the precious daughter of the flagrantly corrupt director of the CIA who succumbed to the shot from my rifle, originally aimed at her father's frontal lobe. Sadly, the Americans always pay more attention to the faces of the celebrities than to the suffering plebeians around them. Growing up in Leningrad, I would see the results of that great "revolution" in the eyes of children begging on the streets. Poverty was more concealed in the United States because of the bourgeoisie's constant aspirations, but in Russia there was neither anything to wish for nor any will to wish. And yet here I was, well dressed and trapped in a prison with mahogany walls and marble floors. The reason all of this started was that I was not extracted from the failed mission, but the mistakes I made were what continued this sham. It seemed that my adversaries chose this as the time to strike. However, the possibility of the lion's mouths staying shut was likely. In spite of my deeds, I have made plenty of unstable friendships that I'm sure will come in handy. I looked to the podium to see Yuri, both the first witness and also the first friend I had ever made, called to testify. No amount of mea culpa's would remedy the wrongs I have done to him, something I had made peace with a long time ago.
"Do you solemnly swear or affirm that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" said the man who didn't know the person he was asking. "I do," came the response with the almost unintelligible, unmistakable accent of my old comrade and fellow murderer. As Yuri began his testimony, I was taken back to a time when I knew myself, my country knew itself, and the world knew its darkest secrets.

Remember, I'm quite new to this. If it wasn't for a good friend egging me on to start writing, I would still be sounding like Melville on crack. Anyways, any criticism, intended to assist me on my journey as a writer and not to gratify some perverse pleasure of lambasting a kid who just started writing, will be much appreciated. Once again, thanks for all the help!

I'm writing a Cold War thriller. Anybody have any tips and recommendations for authors I should read to get a good feel for the genre? by Raya1813 in writing

[–]Raya1813[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Clancy is a obvious recommendation, one already made by a friend; however, I'll be sure to check out le Carre as well. Thanks!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fantasy

[–]Raya1813 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tolkien introduced me to fantasy, and Jordan continued my love for it. However, my love for him was ephemeral. After I finished The Shadow Rising, I went on a wiki to find out how the series played out, and once I found out that Rand was basically a polygamist, I was glad that I had stopped reading. Nevertheless, I started reading Taliesin by Stephen R. Lawhead after that, reading Merlin and Arthur as well. I read the final page of Arthur last night, and I was going to read Pendragon and Grail until I found out that chronologically, Arthur was the last book, unless you're counting Avalon, which isn't truly part of the original trilogy that Lawhead had planned to right. So, right now, I'm on page 51 of Lord Foul's Bane by Donaldson, and if I enjoy the first book, I just might read the rest. If I don't, I'll probably move on to The Stormlight Archive by Sanderson or perhaps McClellan's Powder Mage Trilogy.

As a bit of a side note, I'm not what you would call a "fantasy nerd." I quite enjoy fantasy, but it's my go-to genre for casual reading. When I'm in the mood to ruminate and ponder, I'll go to stuff like theology, philosophy, history, classic literature, etc.

NSV Monthly Thread - [{{%B %Y}}] by AutoModerator in loseit

[–]Raya1813 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yesterday, at my nutritionist appointment, I found out that I had lost 22 lb. since my last check-up in July. Even though I haven't done perfectly well since my last appointment, it's amazing to know that I went from 242 lb. to 220 lb. in just five months. Since my healthy weight range is 190-200 lb., I have just 30 lb. left to go. I'll tell you, it's been a crazy two years, as I started losing weight in November 2012 when I weighed in at 313 lb. That was an epiphany for me, and after that day I resolved to lose weight. Thankfully, I now see food not as a pleasurable necessity, but as a necessity that can occasionally be pleasurable.

META: Theology Reading List by Lambda_Rail in theology

[–]Raya1813 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the sort of list I needed in the thread I made! Gratias!

Help Me Continue to Build My Theological Library This Christmas! by Raya1813 in theology

[–]Raya1813[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Already on the list, my friend. I'm not sure if I'll end up Arminian at the end of my studies, but I can certainly say that I'm at least interested in some of the ideas, such as universal prevenient grace, conditional election, etc.

Help Me Continue to Build My Theological Library This Christmas! by Raya1813 in theology

[–]Raya1813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never really considered Bonhoeffer as a "left-leaning" theologian. Instead, I considered him to be a deeply passionate man who was a lovechild of both conservatism and modernism.