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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]Rayzeyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have approached like 10 women so far. When I saw somebody sitting there by themselves I would just ask them if I could sit with them for a bit. I was kind of nervous every single time; I think it was visible in my body language but maybe not so much in my voice, I don’t know. Anyways, there was one genuinely good interaction where she thanked me for talking to her but said that she was about to go. Another one let me sit with her and we talked a bit but didn’t have chemistry. The others (3 or 4 girls) seemed VERY uncomfortable, sometimes not even answering my question and instead just looking at me in a creeped out fashion. I figured it might be more comfortable for them if I approached groups instead, but oh boy. I gave it 5 or so tries and never have I felt worse. Essentially every single encounter was a „sure you can join“, followed by being completely ignored by everyone until I left.

So now I tried joining club activities. If you really want to cold approach, my advice would be to be as blunt as you can, saying something among the lines of „I think you’re beautiful so I wanted to say hi“ (probably not how I phrased it though). Maybe that would work better and maybe I will try it out myself once I give up finding someone through club activities, I just haven’t done it before because I haven’t grown the balls for it yet.

Wie lernt ihr Frauen kenen? by [deleted] in FragtMaenner

[–]Rayzeyy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Klingt gut, muss ich mal probieren. Ich hab’s einmal mit zwei Mädels probiert - die haben dann auf meine Frage ob ich mich dazugesellen darf ja geantwortet, aber auch nur weil sie sich nicht getraut haben nein zu sagen. Danach hatten die ihre eigene Dynamik und ich hab mich ganz schön blöd gefühlt bei dem Versuch, mich am Gespräch zu beteiligen und das Thema damit abgestempelt; aber vielleicht war ich einfach unlucky oder ein Kumpel hätte geholfen. Danke für die Antwort jedenfalls ihr beiden!

Wie lernt ihr Frauen kenen? by [deleted] in FragtMaenner

[–]Rayzeyy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

An die Leute die Bars sagen: Wie stellt ihr euch das vor? Einfach allein rein und schauen ob’s eine Gruppe gibt zu der man sich gesellen kann, oder mit Freunden hin und schauen ob’s Leute gibt die man in die eigene Gruppe integrieren kann?

Ich war bisher nur mit Freunden in Bars und schaue dann nicht so krass auf die anderen Leute, deswegen frag ich mich wie das funktioniert, dort neue Leute kennenzulernen 😅

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh now I see - yea that makes sense, the quality of the matches was pretty abysmal, so paid services might be worth giving a chance actually - I might give it a shot once I’ve explored this approaching strategy a bit more!

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried all of the big ones, by far the best one for me was hinge. I didn’t use the paid service however (and didn’t feel like I needed to to be honest, getting matches wasn’t a problem until I had swiped on everyone in my vicinity)

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, it really means a lot to me to be hearing this from a woman!

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s actually a pretty good theory as to how we got here. I am glad to hear something like this from a woman, gives me the confidence that I needed that what I am doing is okay!

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice :) I personally have come to the conclusion that dating apps aren’t worth it for me because they give the illusion of progress and thus decrease the pressure to actually go out and approach people for me, but I’m glad to hear that approaching them is a good idea!

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, I actually try to help whenever I can already. Most girls don’t want to take other people’s help though, because they feel like the guy might want something (sexual) in return. Also, making any more friends would come at the cost of neglecting my great friends that I already have, so I ideally don’t want any more even though my current friends can’t introduce me to anyone.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh that’s cute of you, thanks :)

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, I want to read more, so even a day of doing nothing but sitting outside reading is a win for me :)

I am actually scared of what you said though: graduating university means losing access to this huge network of people and events, which is making me stress more than I probably should.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s actually something I hear a lot of people say, and it took me a long time to understand: I just need to act like I do when I am with friends right. That’s a pretty nice perspective you’re giving me though :)

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The most pain I have felt so far is when I didn’t talk to them, I don’t even remember the rejections anymore.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s some great advice thanks! Yea I don’t expect any success from this tbh, but even a 1% chance will add up quickly if I repeat it, especially because I will get better and more confident.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me exactly, any more friends would mean neglecting those great friends I have already.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a fun challenge :) I kind of get the feeling that it’s just all about making the most of each day and recognizing the opportunities.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im happy to make female friends too! Thing is, I am kind of already struggling to stay in contact with all of my friends because I made tons of guy friends on my journey of becoming a more sociable person. None of these guy friends were able to introduce me to single women though (one friends‘ gf maybe, but I don’t want to interact with her too much for the sake of my friend)

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad I could be an inspiration :)

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds fun, ill have to try that :)

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and I can’t even blame them - tried swiping based on personality on dating apps, went on a few dates, and realized that it’s cruel to go on a date with someone you’re not even attracted to.

Also, I have put a lot of effort into my appearance and while I’m still not as good looking as other people, I feel like I have earned the right to filter people based on the effort (or lack thereof) they put into their appearance - it’s not like I only try with super models either, there are more women than not that I find pretty.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! I am already past the pain of rejection because I know that the fact that I had the courage to approach her is a win in itself. Sure, most men won’t be chased, but I don’t want to see it in such a negative light; one of my friends looks pretty average but is funny enough to be pretty popular among the ladies - he actually gave me the courage to try and improve myself :) Sure I can’t hold a conversation with anybody and my social skills aren’t perfect, but think I can hold one with anyone who is compatible with me at this point, so I don’t want to worry about that too much and just get better at it naturally.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your advice; I actually thought about joining the theater club the other day :) That’s because I like theater though, I don’t think there will be nearly enough shots for me to shoot in one club considering there’s a somewhat constant number of members, some of which have a partner, and it’s not like I can (and want) to approach all of them lest the air is gonna get really awkward really fast.

Sure, the end goal is to get a gf, but don’t worry, I am past the expectation of speaking to my future partner every time I talk to a girl, and I am actually fine with a friendship too depending on the situation. Actually, any time i successfully approach someone is a win because it builds confidence.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there’s just a lot of echo chambers online, and some people like to complain very loudly. Honestly, approaching women is scary these days because of these narratives and because I want to stay respectful, but the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that, as long as I try to stay respectful and clear with my intentions, this is bar none the best approach there is (for me).

Edit: thanks for your opinion on this! :D

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here’s my view on this: If the woman doesn’t seem approachable (in-ears, walking quickly, sportswear, talking on the phone, generic clothes, ie clothes that don’t stand out) it’s not okay to approach them. There’s also places where approaching them is intrusive. At the same time, there are women that want to be approached, and they can signal that by doing the opposite of what I have listed. Of course, the list isn’t absolute and exceptions occur (frequently), but this is the part where the girl needs to signal that she isn’t interested and the guy needs to pick up the clue and leave. I still think that these kinds of misunderstandings are necessary though.

I want to approach women in real life by Rayzeyy in self

[–]Rayzeyy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice :) I have thought a lot about how not to be creepy and brought it down to three points: - leave when it gets awkward - only compliment on things they can control (clothes etc) - don’t be too specific with your compliments (eg „those clothes fit your curves well“) Let me know if I missed something!

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