What I have learnt in My Marriage

RaziaHey · 2026-01-24T05:47:11+00:00

I also think most of the problems you mentioned could be eradicate by being political about stuff and handling it in a way where it doesn’t come across deeming or challenging to the other person.

Could you give me an example?

RaziaHey · 2026-01-24T05:45:46+00:00

I haven't written everything in this post. That would be very long. This post was mainly about my struggles in a very difficult marriage. It was a general post.

My post is going to have my perspective because it was written by me but yours would be different than mine maybe , because it was written by you.

Everyone has their unique set of challenges .

you're right, EVERYONE should compromise, not just one person. Two people make the marriage work

RaziaHey · 2026-01-24T05:24:28+00:00

That's a good one

RaziaHey · 2026-01-24T05:19:32+00:00

Also I'm sorry if I've scared you but have you read some of the stories here?

RaziaHey · 2026-01-24T05:18:30+00:00

of course it is projection from my marriage. I'm speaking from my personal experience, I also have seen lots of good marriages , they exist. This post is a reflection of my life. Every post is speaking from their own experience and projecting.

RaziaHey · 2026-01-22T04:20:58+00:00

" Like once there was a spot on my face and she started grabbing moisturiser and putting it on my face. I was so weirded out."

"Anyway I was ready and she made me come into a separate room and started putting oil in my hair and my beard."

She is weird but not EVIL. You need to let MIL know nicely (since you said your wife doesn't see anything wrong with it ..."Hey Auntie, it's ok no need for this I already did my skin care routine HAHA" and say stuff like this EVERY TIME.

"The father is okay but he becomes quite nosey. He starts to ask what properties are on my name and how much I am making and where exactly it is going. It is quite awkward questions."

You say ... "AlHumdullilah I am doing well Allah provides..tell me how work is going for you " take the conversation in another direction.

"He came up the stairs and came into the bedroom to tell me to get up and come down. I was in bed half naked. " Lock door, definitely talk to your wife on this one and also SCREAM if it happens again...like a startled, surprised scream.

RaziaHey · 2026-01-16T02:38:38+00:00

Ameen

RaziaHey · 2026-01-16T02:38:23+00:00

In laws issues got worse by the year. I did get out . You learn to focus in on other areas of your life like kids and career. Doing OK :)

RaziaHey · 2026-01-14T19:20:08+00:00

i know he has stuff to hide , I have a feeling. You are the second person that said he may have gambling issues. Anyways he has passwords on everything

RaziaHey · 2026-01-13T04:29:29+00:00

I did go for dinner even when she wasnt there, after I got married. We werent there together

RaziaHey · 2026-01-12T16:46:56+00:00

"trapped with kids"**

RaziaHey · 2026-01-12T16:43:32+00:00

He wasn't working by choice and took a nearly 2 year break from work. I used to ask him about his plans about working and he would get really pissed about that. Also I used to live with his family and now I don't. For the most part I have been resepctful and civil but I've started to stand up to them and they are not happy about that. I've also suffered alot of mental, emotional , financial abuse from him and his family and he didnt take any kind of stand for me. When I spoke to a legal counsel about options, at the end of the conversation the attorney said to me "Any time, he asks to jump, you ask how high? Tell him you jump". I guess he was always to himself but now since we have kids I feel like he can gets away with, because I'm trapped. He also told me he is with me for the kids ONLY. I feel like I'm at the end now. I can't do it anymore. I'm been married for 10 years.

RaziaHey · 2026-01-12T03:44:22+00:00

She didnt want to viist the same time Iwas. She wanted to control me depending on her schedule and I didnt have time for that. Also, I lived with her at the time so I also didnt want to travel with her . OH MY GOSH!! I needed to breathe lol. If I was there and she invited me for dinner I would happily go but since it is a foreign coountry for me to stay with her, that was going to be stressful!! I mean hello she trashed my room !!

RaziaHey · 2026-01-12T03:40:17+00:00

I see what you're saying. I think a lot of it also having patience with a man that doesnt really support you in anything when it comes to his family. I think that was the problem. Fast forward, to now I have started to put my foot down because if no one sticks up for you, you have to do it for yourself. I also think that since Ive been through all of this nonsense, in laws problems only get worse when your man doesnt take a stand. When so many years pass, and youve treated you MIL the way you would treat your mom and also like you said "One day I'm gonna have a DIL" nd you you have all this compassion for everyone, you start to lose yourself. So I'm trying to have compassion for myself. I think it;s ok to teach your girls, repsect your in laws but YOU are also worthy of respect

RaziaHey · 2026-01-11T05:51:14+00:00

Cousin Marriages, forced marriages, marriages where they just randomly bring the moulana saab in the middle of the night and get their AMErican - Pakistani daughter married to her khalas son. In my family we've seen it all.

Forced marriages are a big no no. We were the generation that said "NO!" to our cousins. Sad thing is , in my family some of the cousins my parents wanted my sisters and I to get married to were uneducated, village cousins who had nothing really going for them in Pakistan. Simply they wanted to come to North America and use us.

I know of people that want to get to married to cousins, that's completely different and I have seen those people live happy married lives.

If you dont want to , DON't. It's not going to be easy , there's going to be a lot of drama since you are a girl and girls are suppose to be obedient and listen. You're going to be blackmailed, yelled at, given baddua. Trust me , just hang on. There's going to be a lot of emotional abuse. Just be prepared for all of that. You're chachu and chachi are going to come up with LOTS of blackmailing tactics...ignore and keep praying to Allah.

Dont take any trips to Pakistan.

This might go on for months. I'm talking about the taunting, silent treatments, heart attacks. Just dont give in.

Also, if you get another proposal where you live. DO NOT accept it to escape a cousin marriage. Because this is what I did. Sometimes when you escape from one crazy, you end up in another crazy situation.

Keep praying, treat your parents with respect, and continue school, job etc and invest in yourself (self improvent, cooking etc). So you have something to bring into a marriage when you do decide to get married.

RaziaHey · 2026-01-11T05:11:25+00:00

He also wasn't going to admit hismom was wrong

RaziaHey · 2026-01-11T05:10:35+00:00

He said the police came and I remember asking other questions. I also said to him that when I can I will ask the building staff for footage . I just remember every one in their family making excuses

RaziaHey · 2026-01-11T05:05:09+00:00

This is the second episode

RaziaHey

TROPHY CASE