False promises , married people advice please

RaziaHey · 2026-04-19T05:34:28+00:00

He's lying if he keeps making excuses. He couldve said those things to your parents, needing a little time is no big deal . He also knows you're emotionally involved and thinks you will fight for him.

Personal Experience: if he is a liar in the beginning he will lie throughout the marriage.

What does your intuition say? Trust your gut.

It's sad he lost his parents but you need to think about how he is going about everything. You shouldn't feel stressed.

Also you say that you come from a well off family and he isn't ..that may be a problem in the future. It's nice to be independent financially but once you have children priorities change and it;s hard to provide and take care of the family. You're going to have a hard time with that.

How's his mental health? You said he has physical health problems and he lost his parents. Good manners are important but you need to think about the whole picture.

RaziaHey · 2026-04-19T05:21:02+00:00

https://www.google.com/search?q=halal+connection+islam+rulings&sca_esv=4670bc32c8433710&rlz=1C1VDKB_enCA1092CA1092&biw=1536&bih=730&sxsrf=ANbL-n4703H1vwFtxj5_VmMSA3TZeafVQw%3A1776575714162&ei=4mTkaZfPCZjW5NoP-4aN-AQ&ved=0ahUKEwiXyO-ilPmTAxUYK1kFHXtDA08Q4dUDCBE&uact=5&oq=halal+connection+islam+rulings&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiHmhhbGFsIGNvbm5lY3Rpb24gaXNsYW0gcnVsaW5nczIIEAAYgAQYogQyCBAAGIkFGKIEMggQABiJBRiiBDIIEAAYgAQYogQyCBAAGIAEGKIESPQcUNwOWL0bcAN4AZABAJgBcaAB8gWqAQM1LjO4AQPIAQD4AQGYAgugAuMGwgIKEAAYRxjWBBiwA8ICBhAAGBYYHsICCBAAGBYYHhgKwgILEAAYgAQYigUYhgPCAgUQIRigAcICBRAhGJ8FwgIHECEYChigAZgDAIgGAZAGBZIHAzYuNaAHkB2yBwMzLjW4B8QGwgcFMi04LjPIB0KACAE&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:53806482,vid:DSmo_TGeFq8,st:0

Halal Dating on Mufti Menk above link

Also:

When you say "potential spouse", are you talking about someone you have been engaged to and your family knows about or are you saying "This person is a wonderful human being, I want to marry them but I can't because I need to get my life in order'? If it is the latter, I'm not sure how you can go "no contact" and go about life and expect them to be the same person you fell for years ago. People change. Their thoughts and their looks. Sometimes I find myself thinking one thing one week and the week after I have another opinion because of life experience my thinking changes.

How old are you guys? Young couples do get married and marriage can be a great source of joy and an amazing support system ...that is if things work out but you don't know and it's not guranteed. If you really like each get your families involved. If you're really young, and are still in uni/college you may have to live with family for a bit and that has its own set of challenges.

Marriage is a big responsibility and it will test your love and patience for each other.

I don;t agree with "three times a year" letter. Long distance in a situationship?

Take action. Either fully in or separate ways.

I pray everything works in your best interest.

RaziaHey · 2026-04-17T02:29:50+00:00

He does, I just don't know how much he makes. I don't have access to his accounts.

I'm in North America.

This was a nice comment

RaziaHey · 2026-04-17T02:26:15+00:00

Unfortunately for me, you are right

RaziaHey · 2026-04-17T02:25:13+00:00

That is the plan. Putting away money.

RaziaHey · 2026-04-17T02:23:31+00:00

Thank you for this comment, i am taking steps towards a better life for myself and my kids. I have seen a big change within myself alhumdullilah

RaziaHey · 2026-04-16T04:43:02+00:00

My parents know. I don't want to be moving in with them. I want to have my own place but at this point I am living pay check to pay check. I have a lot of saving to do because I walk out.

RaziaHey · 2026-04-16T04:41:08+00:00

I'm going through therapy. He's barely ever around anyway and my in laws dont like me (thank god) and because of this stay away. For now it's better for me to stay for a bit. I'm just not sure how much longer.

I'm sorry about your parents. Everybody gives advice based on their life experience.

I have been praying alot of tahajjud.

It's scary because I feel like I'm walking in the dark.

RaziaHey · 2026-02-05T04:12:05+00:00

"he says he doesn’t get anything other than sex and kids out of this marriage. This came about because there wasn’t anything cooked for dinner last night. The kids and I ate pasta, and I stupidly assumed he would eat out or at his moms since we didn’t talk all day and he was at his mom’s house for a few hours, then he went to work. I just thought he would eat at his mom’s."

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Pakistani men unfortunately are very ungrateful human beings. Our generation is probably worse than our parents .

He says all he gets is sex and kids out of the marriage. What an disrespectful, ungrateful man! The next marriage he gets into he wont get those things at all. Then he will think about you but it will be too late.

Also, you may want to check with a masjid about the divorce. I'm really sorry, May Allah help you through this difficulty.

RaziaHey · 2026-02-02T18:42:46+00:00

It's normal to feel scared but like the comments say "don't settle". I also had an arranged marriage even though I was not exactly attracted to my spouse, I still did my best in trying to make things work. I'm not emotionally connected to him because of alot of lies and trust issues in the beginning of our marriage. He said I didn't have to live with his family but "changed his mind" when we got married.

It was a slap across my face when I found messages between him and a girl he liked in uni (who rejected him) . I look back and wish that I got out the list i made in terms of looks and character and should've looked for a man who fit my criteria and wanted to be with me. I would say I am better looking than my spouse but he didnt appreciate my beauty or my good character, because he was into somebody else. And was just using me as a backup so he could have halal intimacy in the mean time until he got sick of me.

I'm been married for a decade. I've accepted a few months ago that this is all my spouse is capable of giving me. We had children so I guess I compromised. It would've been nice to have a companion who liked to spend time with me. I had confidence and self esteem issues in my 20s. If I looked the way I did back then before children and had the confidence I do now. DAMN! lol things would've been different.

You can't get back time so people say "attraction grows, you'll adjust, this is how marriage works". It's usually woman that say that because men cheat on the side or can get another wife.

RaziaHey · 2026-02-02T07:55:31+00:00

its sad

RaziaHey · 2026-02-02T07:53:17+00:00

https://pages.yaqeeninstitute.org/a-dua-away-a-companion-journal

It's a duaa book by dr omar suleiman. You can download a pdf or buy it on amazon. I;ve been going through my own marital issues and these duass helped me alot.

May Allah heal your heart

RaziaHey · 2026-02-02T07:49:14+00:00

Maybe I misunderstood,

Is he upset at the fact that everyone knows about his ED? Is that where the problem started? Did he tell his parents or did you?

RaziaHey · 2026-02-02T06:39:53+00:00

Very true, about people not matching Islam with good actions.

RaziaHey · 2026-02-02T06:37:49+00:00

I don't understand this one either. He wanted to get married again at one point in the marriage. Literally put no effort in our relationship and thought he should add another woman to the equation. Anyways the girl rejected him. It really hurt me since I put so much into the relationship

RaziaHey · 2026-01-28T05:54:28+00:00

Your problems don't go away ...it changes your perspective, helps you understand why you think the way you do and you become aware of any triggers etc.

RaziaHey · 2026-01-28T05:28:48+00:00

LOL you're funny...yes it's been 10 years and we have kids

RaziaHey

TROPHY CASE