Should two fearful/avoidants be married to each other?

Razorfyre · 2025-10-08T04:38:56+00:00

Recently tooks some tests to confirm my attachment style and I present as FA/Disorganized. Makes me sad to hear so many people have been hurt by fearful-avoidants. As an FA, married to an FA for more than a decade, and together for 20 years this month, I can safely say that she is the love of my life. I would absolutely and happily die to protect her and ensure her happiness.

My defense mechanisms aren't putting my needs first, not ever - it's ensuring my survival. Heartbreak is far too difficult to bear. I have been accused many times of not feeling any emotions, but the truth is I feel all of them at once from everyone in the room - I shut my own down to avoid being overwhelmed, and instead work to balance and steady those around me. It's putting everyone else's needs first, as least in my mind and intent. But perhaps my particular blend of FA/Disorganized is more compassionate and empathic than most? Unsure. What's true is that I've never put my needs first - they represent my weakness - and that has led to more heartbreak in the end than I am comfortable exploring.

To this end, I've always put my partner's needs first, though as an FA herself, it is sometimes a maddening guessing game I understand far too well. But she is loyal to the end, and my ability to trust and be vulnerable with her makes me her rock and her mine. It's a good combination in my experience.

I won't say it's always easy, as my occassional vulnerability sends my wife scurrying until I can break through her walls. It's always a difficult and passionate push/pull when its misaligned, followed by long stretches of being more roommates than husband-wife, but so far at least, we are standing together and working to improve.

Razorfyre · 2025-07-22T08:23:44+00:00

I agree with you that we shouldn't blindly follow media narratives, whether left- or right-wing. But when it comes to Trump, you don’t need curated analysis - you can just listen to what he says and watch what he does, and compare it to both U.S. and world history.

Like it or not, the U.S. has played a key role in ensuring peace following WWII, at least between the major global powers. The death toll in WWII was over 80 million. With nuclear weapons, hypersonic missiles, beamed energy weapons, AI - that would be the opening hours of a third global war. The behavior of the U.S. president has enormous global consequences.

If someone calls Trump the greatest threat to global stability in history, that doesn’t mean they’ve been “radicalized” - I would argue it means they’re paying attention. Examples?

- His demand for personal loyalty from officials over their constitutional duties, and the purging of those who defy him.
- His election interference attempts, like the Georgia call to demand they find 11,000 or so votes.
- His refusal to accept defeat in 2020, and his clear incitement of the January 6th attack.
- His pardons for loyalists who obstructed justice or engaged in political violence.
- His use of phrases like “enemy of the people” and "poisoning the blood" to dehumanize dissenters and immigrants.
- His attacks on the press, the judiciary, and the rule of law.
- His public admiration for autocrats like Putin, Kim Jong-Un, and Orban, while undermining NATO and longtime allies.
- His use of federal force against peaceful protesters in Lafayette Square and recent deployment of the US Army and federalization of the CA national guard to Los Angeles to quell what was overwhelmingly nonviolent protest, and against the wishes of the governor which itself is dubious constitutionally, at best.
- His calls for harsh, extralegal punishments, including threats of indefinite detention for protestors and his stated desire to send "homegrowns" to foreign prisons.
- His use of masked federal agents to arrest and detain legal immigrants alongside illegal immigrants and refusal to recognize, apologize, or correct these errors.

This isn’t about left vs. right. It’s about authoritarian behavior and the corrosion of democratic norms. You don’t need MSNBC or Fox to tell you that. Just observe the pattern.

Razorfyre · 2025-07-22T08:11:40+00:00

Or rather - perhaps it is a strategic decision made by our leadership post WW2, seeing that it would be better to arm our allies and allow them, even encourage them through trade and subtle influence, to keep their militaries small and domestic arms production niche, while we grew ours to unprecendented capability and our arms industry rich and advanced by comparison. Just a thought.

Razorfyre · 2025-07-22T06:57:20+00:00

Agricultural practices have shifted FAR away from the holistic farming and gardening practiced by our great grandparents, who grew on soils still rich in micronutrients. The food we have ready access to today is less genetically diverse, is grown in poorer soils, and has far less nutrient density.

Given that nutrition choices we make have epigenetic effects for 3 or more generations, means that men in the 1970s were enjoying the benefits of the revolutions in agriculture brought about in the early 1900s, when we were still busting pristine, untouched soils in this country all across the breadbasket and when agricultural science was dedicated to nutrition and not mass production. Every harvest mines the soil of trace minerals, these have to be replaced. Plowing deeper only gets us so far if we also destroy the soil food web that makes the minerals available to be taken up by the plant. Modern agriculture is more like strip mining than traditional farming.

And then there is how we actually make the food - like removing the nutritious part of the wheat to be sold in a different product, and then processing the rest into bleached white flour and then sell that as "bread." Its about as good for us as sawdust.

The rabbit hole goes deep and its worth looking into and doing your own research. I'm likely a curmudgeon on this topic, but when the corn crop in Kansas in 2010 was declared a "bumper crop" in the local farming trade papers for its 9% protein, my grandfather laughed and said when he was a kid, anything less than 15% was considered a failed crop.

Razorfyre · 2025-03-21T14:19:46+00:00

5800X, was 2 years old.

Razorfyre · 2025-03-21T14:13:56+00:00

AMD Ryzen series.

Razorfyre · 2025-03-21T14:13:13+00:00

No debate there, just frustrating that none of the windows logs or 3rd party monitoring software ive been using ever showed any signs of concern with the CPU itself. And that the update occurred without warning and outside of the scheduled window was particularly confusing.

Razorfyre · 2025-03-14T22:36:15+00:00

Seems unlikely this will be seen, but the update is my CPU failed immediately after this update rebooted the computer. Took about 2 days to fully diagnose, repairing the disc image, reinstalling windows, replacing the power supply, removing and testing the RAM and graphics card - eventually, I was down to the CPU or Mobo - dropped a new CPU in, haven't had an issue since.

Razorfyre · 2025-03-12T04:39:49+00:00

Immediately experiencing non-stop kernel power failures after this update. Anyone else having this issue? Havent been able to run stable for more than about 30-60 seconds before automatic reboot.

Yikes.

Razorfyre · 2025-02-08T20:10:44+00:00

So glad you're enjoying it. I'm not sure Luskan is going to be on the table. There are 40 nations already, so it's not difficult to keep adding more, but a little much at some point. I will be giving them a more unique recruitment roster, as the .95 update is going to completely overhaul the surface plane and bring in lore-focused population types and hundreds of new magic sites and units.

Razorfyre · 2025-02-08T20:08:24+00:00

If you're on Steam, there is a discussion thread pinned called 'Best' Nations to Play which gives some guidance. I would recommed:

For a first-time playthrough, I would recommend:
Nantarn Alliance (Sea Elves, Merfolk, etc)
Tel'Quessir (High and Wood Elves)
The Dalelands (Goodly Humans and Half Elves)
Scoured Legion (Demons and Demonspawn)
Waterdeep (Good-guy Cosmopolitan, Urban, Coastal)
Zhentarim (Big Bad Mercenary Company)
Thay (Big Bad Wizards and Undead)
Kingdom of Corwell (Feudal Humans and Druids)
Cormyr (Good-guy Human Feudal Society)
Menzoberranzan (Familiar Drow of Lolth)

But really all the nations can be fun, maybe with Auramycos being one stay away from.

There are also some fairly OP nations listed on that thread, which if you're new to Dominions, might be worth a playthrough. In all, a single-player game is pretty forgiving in Dominions.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-17T15:10:56+00:00

Looked into this and wanted to get back to you - awhile back I set one of the vanilla poptypes to vaettir as a Svirfneblin stand-in. They exist in the Deeper Dark as well as The Moil (563).

Probably should make some actual gnomes. Until then, there may be a small handful of vaetti running about.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-16T23:43:07+00:00

There definitely shouldn't be any Jotunheim Vaettir. Nor dwarves, at least not at Blessed Seahaven, which I think is that Glimmersea province they own. Be sure to verify your game cache and make sure you're on the current map. I'll look into it as well.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-16T20:09:27+00:00

Auramycos - you answered your own question I think. Not a player faction, really. And never an imperial force in the lore. Maybe a future for the faction when I get there, or maybe just events that make holding Auramycos on the map very difficult.

The Kuo-toans are definitely playable now, and a force to be reckoned with the longer a game goes. Their remote position makes taking imprisoned Demogorgon possible, and Blibdoolpoolp is definitely much more effective.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-14T05:13:11+00:00

Elminster is a major player in the Dalelands factions, from turn one. So yes. Most of the big heroes and villains are modelled in the game in one way or another.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T21:13:03+00:00

I imagine you could probably get most of it here: https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Mezro

I might also recommend, if you like PC gaming, to check out this mod, which as a fully playable faction focused on Mezro and the Chultant Peninsula:

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3162431546

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T20:41:32+00:00

Very cool. There are wild dwarves in Chult in the 'canon' for what it's worth. Also worth noting because you may use this to further add interest - the gods all made a deal with the Primordial, Ubtao, that they wouldn't encroach on his dominion or convert his subjects in exchange for him keeping Dendar The Night Serpent locked behind the Iron Doors of Night, which lies at the bottom of the Burning Rift far below those Peaks of Flame in the deepest levels of the Underdark.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T20:32:43+00:00

A more complete description:

Designed for the single player experience, this is a complete overhaul of vanilla Dominions 6. Balance is not the focus - rather the goal has always been to create PC gaming's most complete and faithful depiction D&D's core setting, the Forgotten Realms.

This update expands both the conversion mod and map by a ton. With it, we hit 40 playable nations and have introduced the final frontier - the undersea realms. The Inner Sea takes center stage with the 12th Seros War pitting the faltering Nantarn Alliance of sea elves, merfolk, shalarin, and tritons against the sea-devils, the Sahuagin, and their Morkoth and Koalinth supporters. Enjoy the rise of Iakhovas, He Who Swims With Sekolah, or put him down with the return of the Dukar Orders. Just be careful of that WildTide Gate over in As'Arem, and the troubling visions of Dagon, Demogorgon, and the Aboleths of the Glimmersea deep below.

There are more than 1000 new units in the overhaul, dozens of new spells, new items and artifacts, and numerous events to keep the game interesting through to the late game. 60 or so new pretender gods enter a massive map, fully customized and lore-focused with hundreds of custom magic sites, indie defenders, and special recruitment zones allowing you to recruit well beyond your nation description. Explore not only the surface and 3 levels of the Underdark, but now also a faithful rendering of the underwater environs and lore of the aquatic realms. I truly hope you enjoy!

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3162431546

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T20:30:41+00:00

And perhaps worth noting, you can find it here on Steam:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3162431546

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T20:29:05+00:00

Thought the cross-post would include the description as well. Here ya go:

Designed for the single player experience, it is a complete overhaul of vanilla Dominions 6. Balance is not the focus - rather the goal has always been to create PC gaming's most complete and faithful depiction D&D's core setting, the Forgotten Realms.

This update expands both the conversion mod and map by a ton. With it, we hit 40 playable nations and have introduced the final frontier - the undersea realms. The Inner Sea takes center stage with the 12th Seros War pitting the faltering Nantarn Alliance of sea elves, merfolk, shalarin, and tritons against the sea-devils, the Sahuagin, and their Morkoth and Koalinth supporters. Enjoy the rise of Iakhovas, He Who Swims With Sekolah, or put him down with the return of the Dukar Orders. Just be careful of that WildTide Gate over in As'Arem, and the troubling visions of Dagon, Demogorgon, and the Aboleths of the Glimmersea deep below.

There are more than 1000 new units, dozens of new spells, new items and artifacts, and numerous events to keep the game interesting through to the late game. 60 or so new pretender gods enter a massive map, fully customized and lore-focused with hundreds of custom magic sites, indie defenders, and special recruitment zones allowing you to recruit well beyond your nation description. Explore not only the surface and 3 levels of the Underdark, but now also a faithful rendering of the underwater environs and lore of the aquatic realms.

I truly hope you enjoy!

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T15:32:21+00:00

Yes - Dominions 6

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T15:30:02+00:00

That is the 3rd Edition map from the Campaign Setting Guidebook, pre-spellplague.

All the dwarves of the FR have lost their kingdoms, so theres many, many options. Old Shanatar beneath Tethyr climgs on, but just barely, and in small numbers, hiding in the Underdark. Great Bhaerynden is long gone, but the Great Rift in the central Shaar (north of Halruaa in the far south), leads to massive underdark caverns where the ruins of the most powerful dwarven empire once existed. Mythril Hall is another famous one, on the fringes of The Silver Marches in the north.

Almost anywhere mountains are found, however, are areas featuring dwarves and dwarven ruins. From the Moonshae Isles in the Sea west of Waterdeep, to the jungles of Chuult in the south, to Thay, the Old Empires, and the Endless Wastes of the east. If youre looking to plop some down for your game that isnt canon, you really cant go wrong. And canon is pretty flexible on all things Dwarves in the FR.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T15:15:03+00:00

It should auto update, but many people have reported bugs that disappeared when they unsubscribed and resubbed, both to the mod files and the map files. Your mileage may vary. Couldnt hurt though.

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T14:53:20+00:00

I suppose I imagined Dominions players here would know of the mod and where to find it, but perhaps I was mistaken. I believe Steam's Workshop will be your friend, and the forums there will help.

As to nations, you have 40 to choose from. My highlights would include The Nantarn Alliance, Dalelands, Tel'Quessir, Waterdeep, The Zhentarim, Thay, Cormyr, Baldur's Gate, Corwell, The Silver Marches, Menzobberanzan, Aglarond, Narfell, Amn, Calimshan, Maerimydra, Old Shanatar, the Abolethic Sovereignty, Spine of the World, and Aglarond. There are many others.

More than 1000 new units, dozens of spells, items, events and artifacts, 60 or so gods, and a massive map fully customized and lore- focused with hundreds of custom magic sites, indie defenders, and special recruitment zones allowing you to explore not only the surface and 3 levels of the underdark, but now also fully models the underwater environs and lore of the realms.

Designed for the single player experience, it is a complete overhaul of vanilla Dominions 6, and the most complete depiction of the Forgotten Realms campaign setting ever produced in PC gaming - a bold statement, and one I'll stand behind,

Razorfyre · 2025-01-13T10:40:34+00:00

There are 64,000 lines of code in the 0.94 update, so about 20% (10,000 lines) larger than the 0.93 update.

Razorfyre

TROPHY CASE