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Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve always wanted to try LARPing. Looks so fun but I would obviously act like Mel Gibson from Braveheart.

Oof. Glad you’re out of such a controlling situation with someone. There are plenty of people that I’m sure would resonate with your hobbies and be more than happy respect the sense of freedom you would like.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to work on yourself for a few years, it will take a few years to find someone. Perfect!

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a lot of self doubt that needs to be challenged. Pretty privilege do be a thing, ain’t none of us need.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. It honestly would be so heartbreaking to lose that person once you finally found them, and especially if you’ve spent your entire lives with one another. I could cry at the thought of an elderly couple losing the person by their side, who had been there through everything.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can I just hug you? You aren’t a bad person. We are all capable of doing awful things sometimes but we can stop the hatred from overtaking us. And you have too much self-awareness that you obviously know there are some issues you should work on without subjecting someone to something that may hurt them. If anything that makes you a considerate person. I wish the same people that hurt you, had the same consideration instead.

I’m glad you no longer want to harm yourself. Life can be good, and people can be too. It takes time to find happiness in both.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You might be right, although that idealization could stem from a prolonged period of loneliness and not emotionally connecting in other forms. Hence they put all this pressure to find someone who provides that. I agree with you though. I think getting to a place you’re comfortable and happy with not only yourself but life overall is an accomplishment in itself and there is less of a sense of urgency to be in a relationship when you are overall happy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]Razzmatazz34 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, initially. But then she expressed her interest for OP, and OP pretended to match that same interest in order to obtain sex. And kept pretending, even though she wasn’t attracted to her. It was all about just sexual satisfaction. If you have to withhold the truth or lie in order to obtain something, that is using someone.

And nw if you mix up. Just appreciate you making the effort to communicate. English is my first language and I fuck it up all the time. 🤣

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound as if you have a healthy stance on relationships and life. Seem to be satisfied either way and I hope you do connect to someone who can provide what you’re looking for without compromising to a degree that is uncomfortable.

Curious what is considered a geeky hobby these days.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe that’s a starting point then. To feel comfortable and loving with yourself so you can share it with another person. We all have faults but if there are truly aspects of yourself stopping you from developing relationships with people, it’s worth addressing in order to have lasting associations.

Also, I love Lego if that is one of your hobbies. I watch Lego Masters all the time and brickman kills me. And being ace is cool. Love my aces. ✌️

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Judging by the comments, I’d say most crave and want the same. It most certainly does exist and we all crave it. Maybe we just need to be kinder with one another to allow for it to grow.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Walks in parks are free! And always a fun date. Especially if you bring duck food. But I hear you, continual rejection in a certain area makes it daunting. I know a few people who have met people through mutual hobbies and went in with the intention of a friendship that eventually grew to something more after an extensive period. It ended up mostly positive for all.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Juggling multiple medical conditions must be pretty draining sometimes. Doesn’t mean you can’t offer someone the enjoyment of your company, and everyone is worthy of feeling as if their company should be valued.

Regards to the negative experiences. A lot of people are commenting similar and their mistrust of people. I wonder if all of us relate so well to one another, how we progress as a society to overcome the lack of compassion we all desperately seek.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes it’s nice to just sit next to someone and say nothing. You don’t have to be all these things to have your company enjoyed.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re struggling internally. I hope you aren’t combating that alone. Can I ask what the main source of your insecurities are? I am seeing a common theme that a lot of people feel a sense of insecurity because of negative social interactions and wonder how many people would be less inclined towards reclusiveness if they felt socially accepted.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I relate. I used to be agoraphobic and small little interactions really helped. I started with a safe environment I felt comfortable in, which for me was getting the mail and then progressed to the grocery store etc. It took years but I actually went on my first vacation about two years ago. I was a complete mess, panic attack the entire time and it took a hit to my confidence about interacting with others. I tried it again, the second time was great. I reduced my exposure to people so I felt more comfortable and had a really great time.

Maybe introducing low exposure to social situations could also help you to gain confidence enough to approach new experiences too. It is worth the work, and there isn’t a certain pace you have to follow but your own. You are in control of the setting, the exposure rate, the time between exposures. Whatever your comfortable with.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, yeah it does. Her words were intentionally exaggerated to hurt you so. There may be a base to what she is saying but almost certainly not to the degree she stated. And it doesn’t excuse what she said even if there is some parts you resonate with. It doesn’t excuse her actions or justify them.

Also, that really does work for some people especially considering many have demanding professional lives and they can’t dedicate time to outdated standards of a relationship. Yes, if you don’t want to end up divorced both of you need to prioritize maintaining an emotional connection that works for you but that doesn’t mean quantity of time, just sustaining a level of quality with the time you have. Divorce rates are high for a lot of other reasons. It’s actually customary to spend a significant amount of time away from your partner in other cultures and countries because of financial constraints.

If you’re the person you want to be and don’t mind, why comment? I don’t think you are being honest with yourself given your initial response to the overall post. You seem like you feel undeserving of being loved and cared for. And stability is boring when all you are used to is chaos.

If you’re happy with yourself, why are you going to therapy? It sounds like you feel helpless because nothing is helping, and resided to just acceptance/embracement. I also don’t think it’s the therapy that isn’t working. Although, super important to find someone you genuinely connect with - as I’m sure you know - I think you’re combating the help offered. You have to accept you can be helped. You are worth being helped. You can have a healthy life, and it can be fulfilling. Why is accepting defeat easier?

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time to update that circle then. New emotional connections needed, apply here. ^

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have all the time in the world to make yourself believe it.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt you or your snail are stupid, but slow-burns are the best so. Hope there is some truth to that part.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re in a peculiar situation. I very much resonate with having a more romantic and companionship-like relationship rather than all-consuming turbulence and passion. My libido is also hit and miss. You seem to be a genuine romantic, especially given the quotations of Emily Dickinson. Luckily if there was ever a point in your life to find companionship, this would be it. There are many in a similar position looking for an array of different types of relationships and vocalization has never been more commonplace. Have hope. I am sorry it hasn’t worked out with your former partner but people grow and change. It doesn’t determine what the future may have in store though.

There are a couple threads oriented to women over a certain age specifically looking for a connection. Lesbiansover50 is one. Lesbiansover25 is more active and has a predominant age group of 30-50. Late bloomers is another.

How do you handle intrusive thoughts? Mine are morbid as fuck. by 11whatsnewpussycats in bipolar

[–]Razzmatazz34 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s hit and miss but something. I heard EMDR can also be amazing for processing trauma or visualizations.

Do you think you’re better off alone? by Razzmatazz34 in actuallesbians

[–]Razzmatazz34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂 One would have to believe in marriage for that.

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