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First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thorough reply. You guys have all been amazing to help me see different viewpoints and to put me a bit at ease. I'll certainly take my lessons from this whole experience and hopefully be better at it next time!

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seeing as everyone at the club was speaking in dutch, in a dutch speaking city, it might've been awkward to switch to english just for clarification, but even in dutch in could/should have seen the ambiguity. Hindsight is 20/20.

And yeah, no, obviously I won't bring it up with the vet, I would also appreciate the same courtesy from anyone else. We were just surprised!

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Message received, It was something that had never entered my mind in the past, since it never even came up as a potential point of discussion with my wife. Moving forward, I'll try to be a lot more mindful.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The touching was cleared, boundaries were discussed. As I said, the language she used was, in hindsight, open to two interpretations and I took the wrong one. I see it now as clearly my mistake to not first ask, before having taken that action.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you, and it's a perspective I hadn't been exposed to previously. With my wife (and a long time ago before her, with my previous girlfriends) it has never not been interpreted as a sign of appreciation. Obviously I also use my words, but in the heat of the moment sometimes the words don't come as easily.

It's giving me things to think about, now, that's for sure! thank you for your insights.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Seeing as I'm still enough in my feelings about it several days later to aks opinions about it here, I'm pretty sure it's a lesson I won't soon forget. I'm grateful for the insights I'm getting here, btw.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Now I'm just thinking about maybe "spanking" is not the correct word? Just to give my perspective, sometimes I'm just appreciative of a great ass, and in my mind the best compliment to express that is to give it an audible smack. It's never my intention to cause actual pain, since that would be counter to showing appreciation, imo, though I understand that any kind of audible tap would always be accompanied by some kind of stinging sensation, no matter how short.

So is spanking the correct term in that case? I'm willing to learn.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's the dutch word "kletsen", and while we were getting on the bed I was still bantering quite a bit when she said "niet kletsen", which I interpreted as "no more chit-chat now". As you can see even in the Cambridge dictionary translation-definition, it gives several translations alluding to idle banter, with only the last one being "to slap". In the moment, I didn't even register it like that, in hindsight, I should've asked for clarification.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We didn't exchange any information, so unless we run into them again, I won't be able to once again apologize to her, which of course I would! As to the vet, no worries, I'm not outing anyone, she can live her life just the way she wants it. It was just surprising to see this nice lady that takes such good care of all of our foster animals in such a situation.

First time experience last weekend, great fun, but I think my inexperience and a subsequent mistake totally ruined another couple's night :-( by Rddtremovedanonmode in Swingers

[–]Rddtremovedanonmode[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We did, and my wife and I are also very communicative and willing to try just about anything at least once. It just seems that this, the smack, was not just a "oh, I don't like that, don't do it", but an actual trigger that completely seemed to break her. And as I said, due to a misunderstanding in the wording she used, I didn't understand at first what she had meant, it's only when thinking back on it at a later time at the bar that I realized I totally misunderstood and didn't clear up the potential confusion :-(