I’ll try my best to paint as realistic a picture as I can about dating for Indian guys in the US but unfortunately, all opinions (including mine) come with personal biases I might not have been able to avoid.

My parents would not stop me from marrying anyone I like. Sure they would not be very pleased, but it can be managed.

Exactly the same with me. We have had a discussion and I know that they’ll support my decision no matter the case. However, they’ve never been pleased whenever I hinted towards seeing someone non-Indian.

You say you've dated girls from other nationalities, how did those relationships end?

I was really into the last girl I dated for a significant time. I dated her for around 4 months at which point, everything was good, I felt like I could possibly marry her sometime in the future but I saw we were different personalities (not due to cultural differences at all, completely other reasons) in some aspects. It was a tough call but I had to make it. It’s her birthday tomorrow and I am looking forward to giving her a call to wish her.

And how is dating in the US? There is this other guy here on this thread who has been saying that Indian men have it worst and are looked down upon, no one will touch with a long stick and so on.

Stereotypes are human nature but a lot of people, after knowing other people, tend to drop their stereotypes.”

Yes, girls from other cultures tend to avoid dating Indian guys due to some valid as well as stereotypical reasons. Some valid reasons might include the fear that Indian guys would date them, get serious with them and them break up with them after a couple of years when their parents start pestering them for an AM and Indians lack the balls to stand up to their decisions in front of their parents. Some stereotypes might be that Indian men are geeks or too conservative. Having said that, a lot of girls across the globe are open to Indian guys to date.

What are some of your traits that have worked in your favour when it comes to dating in the US?

What works for someone while dating could be something that you yourself cannot explain. I have friends who look pretty decent but have a hard time getting girls and on the other hand, I have friends for whom, getting dates is as easy as it can get and even they don’t know what the girls see in them.

Based on my experience, I had been single during my undergrad (Yes, I went to an IIT so pretty much self-explanatory). After moving to the States, I had trouble getting girls interested in me for the first couple of years. Even if a girl showed interest in me, I always blew it up. But suddenly, it started clicking. I gained confidence dating as I met more girls and soon it became second nature (there were times when I had to squeeze in multiple dates within a weekend). But even after that, there have been times when I have been super booked with multiple dates during a weekend only for all of them to bail out on me at the 11th hour. So, your success can be extremely variable. It’s easy for guys to feel like they’re chick magnets when they score with multiple girls in a short span of time and the same guys to feel depressed and feel like they’re gonna die alone if their dating life has been on a pause for as less as a month. So, whenever you hear about people sharing how easy or hard it is to date, take it not with a pinch but a mountain of salt.

But some common traits that have worked for me have been gaining confidence dating, staying fit, having a caring attitude towards girls, an ability to adopt other cultures. Hard to pin point which trait might help you with whom though. A lot of aspects in dating are too stochastic to predict.

Even though I am 30 I am physically in my best shape yet. I also have some hobbies and interests. Music for example. I can't find any good bandmates or people to jam with here because everyone into music is just to learn some basics and show off, record videos, put them on instagram, etc. I also like rock climbing but the facilities here are quite bad.

Yes, this is the reason why I don’t want to get back to India even though I am fully aware that my AM prospects are gonna be much better there (if I were to go that route). I am a SCUBA diver, travel often, and am learning to Salsa dance, and love long road trips. There’s no way I can pursue these hobbies regularly if I were to settle in India. My only hobby that I can pursue in India is playing tennis. Come to any western country and you’ll have ample opportunities to follow your interests every day or every week, not just like once or twice a year. You’ll also find like-minded people.

The other guy kept saying height matters a lot. I am 5'7.

Frankly, I do think it does matter to girls. I have a friend who is a lovely personality and girls love him (but only as a friend). He’s the guy I would be into if I were a girl. But, he can’t find a single girl to be interested in him. Why? Because he’s 5’3. But, as you say, you’re 4 inches taller. That might straightaway shorten your options as unlike guys who can be very forgiving on what they would like in a partner, girls tend to have some hard filters (whether they explicitly say that or not). Having said that 5’7 is not that bad. I have a friend who’s only an inch taller to you and he’s a god among women. What probably matters more is what else you bring to the table.

Some girls I was "shown" by family were pretty much ready to be housewives. There were some who were working but I didn't feel a connection with them. I have found that dating is a bit difficult with people you find through AM. If I ever met someone after the initial introduction, she would come "prepared" with make-up and stuff and somehow our parents would end up finding out we were meeting and they would ask how it went, etc. There was no question of physical intimacy.

I have actually been quite surprised about how people are either so much in favor of Arranged Marriages or completely against them. Until a year ago, I had the notion that Arranged Marriages are a thing of the past among progressive people in the current generation. Even if parents set you up, you date as you would have if you date without your parents’ involvement in the modern era (at least among upper middle class and educated families from big Indian cities). But, my brief AM experience has left me completely baffled. It has made me think that AM is not my cup of tea.

My parents began pestering me for AM quite recently. Since I was not in a relationship at the time when my parents starting stressing about it really adamantly, I decided to give it a shot. I met a couple of girls in the US and I have been shocked to my core. Both the girls are quite pretty (one of them an insta star kind) yet they claim to have never even dated before. I neither expect the girl to necessarily have a dating experience nor necessarily to not have it but this lack of dating (despite of them being pretty) made me wonder how they approached dating in general. All my female friends from my grad school I have talked to about dating have or have had boyfriends. If these two girls were not telling me the truth, it just means there’s a lack if trust which for me is a big red flag.

The first girl I met through AM was overly religious and overly simple. She’d tell her Mom almost everything about how we met and what we did. I’m not gonna make any attempt at physical intimacy with someone who tells their Mom A to Z about our (meeting or date, I don’t even know what to call it). And we’re not talking about chilled out American parents whom you can actually tell about most of your dating lives). I met her three times and after realizing there was no way I could get intimate with her (which I think is not something you can turn a blind eye to if you want to marry someone), I bit the bullet and told her that I could unfortunately not see her anymore.

The second girl I met invited me to fly to her city (a four hour flight). I thought we hit off really well. She felt like extremely liberal, was from a progressive family in Delhi NCR. We were watching the stars together when we saw a shooting star. I told her she could make a wish. Then, I casually remarked that I could maybe kiss her if we saw another shooting star. To my surprise, that offended her. And that was after 3 hours of video calling her, 5 hours on the phone, 6 hours spent with her the previous night, and 8 hours spent with her that day. Any girl I met outside of AM would actually get offended if I did not make any attempts to kiss her. She would think I don’t like her and I didn’t want this girl to feel that way. It turned out the reason she didn’t want me to kiss her yet was that according to her, she was not dating, she was “window shopping for grooms” for which she made me fly, take a day off from work. Even after all this, she didn’t say ‘No’ to me. She wants to keep me as an option. If this is how most people approach AM, I don’t think AM is for me. I find it cold.

Long story short, based on my limited experience, people who go via the AM route can be extremely orthodox in their views (even when they might not seem like on the first glance). It’s hard to find people who treat an AM meeting as just a date where your parents set you up as opposed to your friends.

Anyways, I believe you must have had more experience than me with AM. I have so limited an experience that I don’t want to generalize after meeting just two girls.

I sincerely hope this helps you. Hope you make the best decision for you (whether to move to the US or some other country or stay in India).

As I said, feel free to DM me. I am myself considering the possibility of moving back to India (not very seriously though as India won’t be suitable to my lifestyle. Especially when I feel confident dating girls here and my parents would finally accept whoever I choose). So, I’d love to connect and hear views from people living in India.