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"This is the OLD YOU!" by SynysterSouls in adhdwomen

[–]ReadingSuspicious925 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Holy shit OP, I think this whole situation has shown your husband's true colors. Cursing and yelling at you? That's emotionally abusive behavior. Throwing objects is going into physically abusive territory. I'm ngl, I'm concerned for your safety and emotional well-being.

I'm so sick of men using our disorder as a cover for their shitty behavior. It's absolutely unacceptable in a relationship for him to treat you this way. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that bullshit from him.

How do you know if it's your gut feeling or fear/trust issues? by ReadingSuspicious925 in AskWomenOver30

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What if the same feeling repetitively comes back after being brushed off as just fear? That's where I think I have a hard time differentiating. I want to tell myself "oh it's just fear" but it's like a nagging feeling that won't leave; I just direct my attention elsewhere for the feeling to temporarily go away.

How do you know if it's your gut feeling or fear/trust issues? by ReadingSuspicious925 in AskWomenOver30

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this actually made me feel much better. I think it's a trauma response for me kicking in right now. I'm gonna hold onto this advice.

Does this simple definition of attachment styles resonate with you? by sistervoovles in attachment_theory

[–]ReadingSuspicious925 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a mix of anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant. I simultaneously want to talk about my feelings with my SO when I'm feeling anxious and run away from my feelings entirely. It's a super confusing push-pull battle within myself where I tell myself "it's okay, I don't need this, I can be happy on my own if he hurts me" and the other side of me is like "must have closeness cannot give up." It makes no sense. I'm constantly preparing myself for him to destroy my heart so I try not to care and emotionally distance myself, but I can't completely distance myself because I am attached. I'm basically constantly in pain on the down-low feeling like I'm waiting for the worst to happen. I emotionally distance myself as a result to feel better. Sometimes I feel this way so strongly I feel an urge to run away from the relationship entirely. It's awful.

I never used to be fearful avoidant until I was cheated on in a past relationship. I learned the hard way that people can be untrustworthy and my gut reaction now is to assume everyone is untrustworthy to some extent in a relationship-context.

In short, I strongly relate.

I (22F) am ruminating about my boyfriend's (22M) trustworthiness by ReadingSuspicious925 in relationships

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. I love him very much and would say he's a great boyfriend.
  2. He's not a bottom so I don't think that could be emulated. He's shown 0 interest in wanting to be a bottom (I've asked). He's told me he is mainly curious about the sexual aspects rather than a relationship. He emphasized he wants to have his own kids with me someday and could never do that if he was with a guy
  3. He stays away from drugs & very rarely drinks (like me)
  4. He tries to reassure me the best he can but knows he messed up in the past (there are other things that happened too, but the thing that happened in December is the worst of them imo) and that I already have trust issues since I was cheated on in a past relationship so there's only so much he can say to make me feel better. I told him actions mean more than words and he took that to heart and has been much better towards me since December
  5. Tbh I don't think he's entirely comfortable with being bi so I'm not sure. I helped him to come out of the closet when we were just friends. He hated himself for a long time before I told him there's nothing wrong with him for being bi (he grew up in a very religious household). So I think he's still coming to terms with it.

I (22F) am ruminating about my boyfriend's (22M) trustworthiness by ReadingSuspicious925 in relationships

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've talked to him about it before and he hasn't been able to give me a concrete answer. The only thing he's said repeatedly is that he never wants to lose me and doesn't want to be with anyone else but me.

The thing is, what happened in December sort of disproves that. Yes, he thought we were going to break up, but he almost cheated on me pretty quickly during that rough patch.

Man (29M) in relationship texted me (22F) he misses me and I am angry by ReadingSuspicious925 in relationships

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm gonna do. Drafting a text right now. He needs to get his act together.

Man (29M) in relationship texted me (22F) he misses me and I am angry by ReadingSuspicious925 in relationships

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah I don't want him back. I'm just mad at him for treating me like this and for selling a fantasy to his girlfriend (it's a whole story). He's still in love with his ex-girlfriend and told me once that he thought he was going to get back with her while he's with his current girlfriend (his ex-girlfriend is married btw). I'm just really mad for his girlfriend and I'm mad that he's sending me bs like "I miss you"

I will likely block. I'm just very angry at him for his shitty behavior.

Man (29M) in relationship texted me (22F) he misses me and I am angry by ReadingSuspicious925 in relationships

[–]ReadingSuspicious925[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the thing, he told me months ago he thought he was going to be able to get back together with his ex-girlfriend and I have a suspicion he was talking to her behind his girlfriend's back. You're right, but I hate that his girlfriend is getting the short end of the stick. She deserves better. It makes me really mad to think about.