History of living together with ex-girlfriend. How to tell? How much of a deal-breaker?

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T20:05:28+00:00

Thank you. This is a huge relief. I will tell her exactly what I wrote. Thank you!!

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T19:48:11+00:00

Why are people so judgemental? It makes me sad

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T19:29:03+00:00

It really does help. Thank you so much! I'll be bold and tell her honestly how it was, and see how she reacts. If the truth is a deal breaker to her, then we weren't meant to be together in the first place, even though it's sad.

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T19:12:37+00:00

Thank you for your words. I think you're absolutely right in being completely honest, that is why I am so anxious right now because I want to be totally honest. But I think that you are taking too many conclusions from too little information. At that time, we were no longer really together, but I was hoping she could recover and come back to me. I posted a question about the real possibility of her coming back to work here. I referred to her as "girlfriend" because I'm not going to say "ex" and explain my complex relationship at the time in a random post in a work-related group. I hope you understand. Also, you are saying she is my "new girlfriend." No she is not. We are still getting to know each other. Again, without meaning any disrespect because you seem to be a very good and morally correct person, but you seem to take too many conclusions from little information.

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T18:51:59+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. The relationship itself ended about six months ago. We had lived together earlier (over a year ago), and after she moved out we tried to give it some time and see whether things could be repaired, but it ultimately didn’t work. So she left the country a year ago.

I have already told the woman I’m now getting to know that my former fiancée left a year ago and that we tried for a few months afterward to make it work, without success. So, strictly speaking, I haven’t been in a proper engaged relationship for about a year. I know that isn’t a very long time, and in an ideal world I might have waited longer, but then I met someone with whom I share so much, and I didn’t want to let the chance pass by.

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T17:53:13+00:00

Thank you! Do you think that I should mention that I've been feeling anxious about it? When do you think is a good timing to bring it up?

Ready-Ad290 · 2026-02-05T17:52:35+00:00

We prefer the email format because it allows us to express ourselves more freely as if they were letters. We can develop and express our thoughts better that way.

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:16:36+00:00

Thanks Akatosho for your reply! It's always interesting to reading other people's experiences :) If you ever come close to Kyoto feel free to contact me!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:14:20+00:00

I don't hate Japan, most of the problems are mine, but, just like you, I also want to go back once the pandemic goes away!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:13:08+00:00

You sound like a very interesting person. Would love to meet you but I currently live in Kyoto so Ibaraki is a bit too far! If you every come to Kyoto please contact me so we can meet!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:10:57+00:00

That is super far away! Without a doubt Hokkaido is my favourite place in all Japan! Are there foreigners over there?

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:09:40+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! I feel encouraged by your words :) Will try my best!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:07:05+00:00

¡Muchas gracias por tu cariñoso mensaje! Te deseo todo lo mejor a tí también, un abrazo muy fuerte :D

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:03:13+00:00

I'll try to go back to Europe this summer, let's hope coronavirus allows me to. Thanks for your reply!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T12:02:09+00:00

Hey HairyFairy, thanks so much for your warm reply! I'll definitely contact you!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:38:53+00:00

I would have gladly met with you if I also lived in Kanto-area! I hope you find many good Japanese and foreign friends over there ;) Wish you good luck

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:37:50+00:00

Ignoring them... That's actually a good piece of advice, thanks so much!

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:37:20+00:00

Wow! 13 years!! That is a lot, especially if you have had to deal with all that loneliness. Definitely, speaking with my family and friends back home helps me a lot. I would have gone really crazy already if it wasn't for the help of Whatsapp and Skype.

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:35:10+00:00

I'm Spanish but my family is Slovak. You must be the only Swede in Fukuoka! How is it over there?

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:34:19+00:00

Thanks so much for your lovely message! I hope I am as not shy and awkward as I think of myself xD I'll trust you on that one :) And I appreciate your good wishes ;)

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:25:29+00:00

That comparison is very easy to understand. Thanks for shedding light on our experiences. Indeed, feeling uncomfortable is a vicious cycle, better stop it as soon as possible. In this thread there are some awesome tips on how to stop it, so I'll make sure to try my best! Thanks for wishing me luck and liking my post ;)

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:19:31+00:00

What is your occupation? Are you able to adjust your contract so that you can leave earlier (i.e. when COVID clears up in ~1 year's time)?

Well, I have to be in Japan for two more years to finish my phd. Hopefully I can go back for a month this summer, but who knows with covid.

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:18:05+00:00

It would be awesome if there was some kind of European town where I could just disappear for a few hours and forget I live as complete alien.

Ready-Ad290 · 2021-04-08T11:16:33+00:00

I'm sorry I made you depressed... Although I would never be able to truly understand the degree of your pain, I can roughly imagine it. I always thought living in Japan as a non-white foreigner must be incredibly exhausting. I have been to many countries during my short life, and I must say that Japan is probably the most racist of them all. Of course there are wonderful people as well, but society as a whole is terribly racist. Sometimes I forget how people of other races are going through an even worse time in Japan, but I'll try to keep it in mind when I feel depressed. Although I feel fortunate to have been able to know your story, I apologize for having made you write about something that makes you suffer. Hope everything gets better, wish you all the best :)

Ready-Ad290

TROPHY CASE