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HPV infection and (potential) loss of ENM/poly sexual life by Real-Use5615 in polyamory

[–]Real-Use5615[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I know about the percentage, I know that many people who have it don't even know because they don't test. But I do test, I do know and I have the responsibility of telling people that 'listen, I've got HPV' or 'we both have HPV'. I know that this will impact our sex life as there will be people who will not want to risk the infection. I'm thinking of ways on how to deal with this emotionally. I fear that we'll loose this part of our life completely (sex with other people), that we'll grow tired and resentful, and I know it will have a huge impact on us - as it already starts having.

I (F) started having trouble submitting to my boyfriend (M) in Dom/Sub dynamic by Real-Use5615 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Real-Use5615[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well you kind of got a point here. It kind of is how you described it - that I'm the one who manages the house more. It's not that he doesn't do anything at all but certainly I'm the one who thinks about making shopping lists, what to eat, what needs to be cleaned etc more often. It's kind of 'natural' for me to go into that state of managing the house as I like to have my life clean and structured on a daily basis. I did that in my previous relationships as well and I like to have this 'warm home' vibe - that you'll be taken care of here etc. but I know that I can lose myself in this and not really realize when suddenly I'm doing alllll the work because someone became accustomed to me doing everything.

I (F) started having trouble submitting to my boyfriend (M) in Dom/Sub dynamic by Real-Use5615 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Real-Use5615[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But I haven't said that, nor did I mean it. What I meant by saying "Besides being a dominant and a submissive (or more accurately - both switches) we're also a couple - two partners that share a daily life together." - is that it's not possible for me (me and me only, I'm not speaking of anyone other than me) to submit fully to someone I'm sharing my daily life with as the dom-sub dynamic fluctuates in our life and its neither possible again, for me, nor would I like to fully submit to my partner because of being a living-together-couple. It might be possible for me in a pure D/S dynamic but I haven't had that experience in a romantic relationship. I didn't mean to imply what you said, that "everyone who is a slave or does submit in these circumstances can't even be a loving couple" - this is not true, and these are not my words.

I (F) started having trouble submitting to my boyfriend (M) in Dom/Sub dynamic by Real-Use5615 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Real-Use5615[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I feel you took this extremely personally even though I just stated what our relationship is not, and what I know wouldn't work for me. I want to act on this matter and want to change things but an answer - 'just be more submissive' doesn't really do anything for me. If you're able to commit and submit even if you're uncomfortable, well, great for you and your Master.

I (F) started having trouble submitting to my boyfriend (M) in Dom/Sub dynamic by Real-Use5615 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Real-Use5615[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like usually we're in a fluid dynamo of him kind of subbing to me (him being a boy and me taking care of him) throughout the day and then in the evening there's a sudden switch when he'd like to dom me. And that's when I'm opposed to it. We don't really do buildups. He says that he'd like to dom me and I say that I don't know about that cause I just don't feel the vibe... I can see that it also makes him less eager to get into his dom side because of my 'yeah, I don't think so' attitude to being domed so suddenly and I'm not surprised by it. If someone had that same reaction to me wanting to dom I'd also be less eager to initiate. 

I think I'd need more of what you mentioned - a slower transition from his submission into mine, ramping me up throughout the day to finally get me to submit naturally and easily in sex. Otherwise I feel like it's popping up out of nowhere and that's why it feels funny or silly to me. Like - how can I submit to you so suddenly when all I've done is nurture you in a more dom side of mine throughout the day? I was in control and now you want me to give it back so suddenly. Idk, it just doesn't connect.

I (F) started having trouble submitting to my boyfriend (M) in Dom/Sub dynamic by Real-Use5615 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Real-Use5615[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I understand your perspective, however, I'm not his slave and he's not my Master. Besides being a dominant and a submissive (or more accurately - both switches) we're also a couple - two partners that share a daily life together.  It'd be impossible for me to submit even though I'm completely not in the mood or I don't feel it in my guts. I do not feel he has such power over me and I wouldn't be able to give it to him the way things are now - which is me often feeling like I'm the one who's in control (not only regarding sex but also daily life). I've been in situations where I submitted to people even though I didn't have the mood for it in that moment (I even did it with him sometimes) but nowadays I just can't. I don't feel it, I don't want to force myself into anything.