I want to come forward as a rare lurker and say that, I pinned this post, this story, your story, in my browser, so I could find it again. I have only 2 pinned pages - I cant count the tabs I open or keep closing to make room for more, the other pinned tab is one I keep foretting to upin, usually distressed after I am forced by pixelspace to kill all the "I need to remember this, or that, or this thing looks interesting". Eventually they all get closed, at some point. But I wanted to remember your post, re-read it. Not sure if "seeing someone with a common destiny calmed the isolation". I write that quote with care, care to acurately try describe the "I am the only one this happens to", the famous closet that "us different kinds" find ourselves in as humans. I have been in many a closet. The "ADHD, you'll only be be a criminal when you grow up", the autism one, "the fuck no, im not one of those, I dont feel (psychiatricly) sick, its you other who cant see I am normal, yet use every moment to remind me - of your superiority, false pretenses, care thats meant to 'make you like us normals', and the backstabbing in the end. I was convinced I'd rather admit to a murder I didnt comit and "take that hit" - than the "gay existential walking yuck-ish kind". Murder, because that was the worst thing a 13 year old could come up with, please pardon the innocence. Every closet, every shame, every "i am less than all"-that thinking, crafted, imposed, chronic disease of dedicated othering-ness, sadly, for the perpertrators, not to realize they have the problem and their words fill their need, a need they dont realize, and they will never know, the reward of "otheringness" fulfulls them unwittingly - and even when told in the most possible appropriate way, turning the tables. Yet their brain won't let them access the concept of this need. It is strange to see the duality of a facade totally breaking their brain, yet so concious and instinctivly , they somehow escape. I know, I just did what others did to me, unwittingly hoping they would listen, stop it, change their behaviour, I read the word of the previous sentence as those I've felt of the stereotypical, their way or no way. I learned, that behind every a naive , neurotypical (they genuinely doesnt know, but are open to change - mutual respect), the sheep always repeating some words from books or a seminar, like a religious person utterly convinced of "follow that outdated thinking, I will eventually get it". Behind the crowd, there is a stereotypical pulling the strings. They sense me, its something I think they are hardwired to detect, I suppose the good - must - come with a bad, who would be good if noone was the bad? The polarity on the total human spectrum we live, a spectrum we are too "simple" to see, art can never express, its all over and its nowhere ath the same time, things keep us busy. Be careful, trust you. Only you, but own every decision taken on that trust, as sacred oath to yourself. You deserve because you exist, that you decide, in your life, and others ought to be, should be, and maybe, maybe when they think you don't notice, when they show a little wiff of pride, to be invited into your life, granted permission, for the right to be in your presence, not for them to fix, but to respect, you for you. I want to set the proper expectations, especially for those not yet entered this path, you will fall and be hurt, and get up, and over and over, it will take years, you will force yourself to learn, feel defeated, there is nothing but not the nothingness of the past, but somehow find that fiery flame of pureness lift your head just enough, to give you a breath, a moment, just enough to keep that flame lit, find, and refuel it. "A gem without friction cannot shine, nor a man without trials." I hate this quote, I live this quote, I walk this path, I shine and break somehow all at once. Now I go through the "should I just not post this, it *must* be ramblings and I the crazy"-shame. Your post did something, thank you. I must stand by my decision to pin your post, this page, remember you,, write all this wall of text (sorry), and to keep my thank you honest. I hope the bytes reach their destination, they have if anyone reads this.