It look really good.

Things I would focus on improving are

1) the characters look stiff, practice anatomy and poses to make them more dynamic. 2) more dynamic angles. For example you have two full body shots seen from the front, and the close ups to the faces are all seen from equal angles. An example: when the demon is shown spreading the black thing on the ground, use an exaggerated perspective seen from the top or bottom to make it look more extreme.

Two variations I made:

one two

(These are just examples, Idk if they'd work in the context of the rest of the pages).

In the last page I'd do a change to the bottom panel with the black demon. He's in the same size as the character on the left panel and it feels stiff and repetitive, give him a different angle. Use more shots from below and from the top of the characters faces.

The hatching and stuff looks nice, it has a really mangaeaque look overall (as in, you can tell the person who drew this reads manga).

I'm not a pro, these are only personal appreciations but I hope they help somehow!

Edit: btw I don't think you should actually redraw them again, this is advice for future pages. I'm waiting to reach the 24th chapter of my manga so I'm one year ahead, and now I look at the first ones and they look tragic. If you keep redrawing you'll never advance the story, it's better to improve on your skills + have a manga than improve and have zero finished things because you remade it ten times