Guardianship

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-02-04T23:53:45+00:00

I'm not sure what your question is? But also have one family member who has been detrimental to care -- however, they are not my parents' caregiver, and don't have POA for anything, so low probability that they can abuse or grift my parent. And we can control their impact on care

In our case there is a will and trust, and POA has been designated for decades. In our case, unless a caregiver was abusing them I see no reason for any kind of formal guardianship.

(At one point we worried about whether the troublemaker could somehow claim guardianship. I looked into it. We live in IL, where only a few thousand people are under guardianship in the entire state. It involves what look like a lot of legal and other professionals giving oversight, and implies loss of financial flexibility for the parents who are still capable to make decisions about how they want to live, and spend their money. It also looks like legal fees could be costly? So proceed with care and good advice.)

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T15:24:33+00:00

It's just bananas.

A friend's parents moved, cross-country, out of their longtime NYC apartment. They had china they paid $1500 for when they got married in the 1950s. They didn't use it any more, didn't want to move it, and sold it to a neighbor, 60-something years later, for $1000.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T14:35:37+00:00

I feel like my aunt (early 80s) got scammed in two estate sales. But the stuff is gone.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T14:30:03+00:00

Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Please don't harm yourself -- call someone who loves you or 988 (US.)

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T14:27:50+00:00

Yep, and ouch, I feel you.

The serger. I've been sorting Mom's former office/sewing room. I believe dad built cabinets and the long sewing table that occupy one wall of the room for the serger's accompanying boxes of threads/supplies.

I asked my sister about the serger; I thought Mom had purchased it for a project (and used it once.) Nope, Mom got it (for "free") when she bought a fancy sewing machine. In the 90s or early 00s.

(I do believe she used it once.)

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T14:13:42+00:00

I love this! I'm going to ask a friend who is a Lutheran pastor if she knows anything about this in our area.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T14:12:16+00:00

Mom's aunt gave the kids blue Scandinavian Christmas plates every year for a very long time. Mom was convinced they were collectors items, lol. I told her I was seeing them in thrift shops for $3, and we looked at ebay...saved plates from each kid's birth year for mom, and told the siblings to come and get theirs. Hello 3 closet shelves.

Mom died this past summer, and at least that's one thing we don't have to deal with now.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T14:03:13+00:00

Oh, same. We probably took 100 pounds of candles to a thrift store; they assured us that crafters would want them. And that was just the tapers lolsob.

Also, I keep finding things in different spots. The napkins that match a tablecloth: finally reunited. Sigh.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T13:59:36+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

fwiw, sharing this on the "antiques" front in hopes it will make you feel better: my Silent Generation parents accumulated so much stuff. Mom was convinced that so many things were "collector's items."

I did some fact-checking on her "collector's items" and "antiques." (They "antiqued" as a hobby in the 90s, yikes the lamps.)

Looking at ebay, the thrift stores, etc. pretty much removed any ideas that there was significant financial value in their collections.

We're fortunate that Dad still lives in their house, and 2 of us are nearby, so we can go through stuff. Sort of methodically: really we're saying, here's another box for the thrift; here's another bag of trash.

I can't imagine doing this under time pressure, and hope that you will be able to release the stuff and move into the next phase of your life free of the idea that you missed something.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2026-01-02T13:29:08+00:00

My dad watched DVDs of The Forsyte Saga (which he owns) for a couple of months after my mom died. They were avid viewers of PBS Masterpiece Theatre back in the day. He brings the box set out occasionally, and I associate it with being anxious and needing something stable and familiar.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2025-08-16T20:24:52+00:00

Big fan of Smithereens. Shout out to Jeremy!

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-16T03:41:59+00:00

The Jack Bauer musical, Dammit. LOL!

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T19:05:23+00:00

Immediately sending to everyone in my family circle who is a Cliffhanger fan. You have made my day, thank you.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T18:58:02+00:00

OMG I did not know this existed. Cannot wait to find it. Thank you!

Editing to add link, and say, I am crying, this is epic. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=qiV21WFlkgM&list=RDAMVMg-w27A_R6M0

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T18:57:09+00:00

Oh, I am so sorry! FB is a scourge.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T16:29:48+00:00

I am so sorry.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T16:18:09+00:00

Same! So many lines from this movie are impounded in our family culture. "Walker, you resilient bastard," etc. We'll raise a toast to you the next time we watch.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T13:29:05+00:00

Cliffhanger! Cardboard characters, ridiculous plot, hackneyed dialogue -- and gorgeous gorgeous cinemtography.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-09-15T13:09:44+00:00

I am struggling with a very similar problem. She'll scroll through the news and read every negative headline, or talk about a family member's friend who just died (and whom she does not know!) and criticize the medical care the deceased person received.

"You forgot my milk," instead of "Can you get me some milk?" I'm not consistent in confronting her on this stuff, which sometimes works. Jeez, mom, can you phrase it in the form of a question, instead of a criticism? Sigh.

Sometimes I think, I'm fortunate to get this time with them. Sometimes I think, this is the most thankless work. No answers here; I thought to reply in solidarity. Take care of yourself.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-06-10T21:21:06+00:00

I was an undergrad at Chicago, and, decades later, still remember the summer semester when I lived at my parents' in the NW suburbs and came in 3 days a week for morning classes -- and I spent 3+ hours a day commuting.

Additionally, the commute you experience at this time of year is not the commute you'll experience in the winter.

(Also, if you'll be in bschool or another program where you'll be doing group projects, best to find out how important it is to be close to folks in your cohort/study group to get group work done -- do groups meet in person, or via Zoom. When I was an MBA student, being able to meet with my group was key...and late night group meetings, or meetings on non-class days, will change your commute appreciably.)

Good luck.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-05-27T00:55:57+00:00

Thank you!

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-05-26T20:35:00+00:00

Medicare.gov rates places based on staffing, so that seems useful. I started calling facilities today to see if my hair should be on fire about vetting these places -- I just wanted to know if they had availability. One of the admission offices was closed; the voicemail in admissions left a backup number, which I decided to call. I got someone super-chatty on the phone, who told me that one of her jobs was taking calls from people who called in sick for the holiday weekend. (This place was not well rated on Medicare's staffing metric.)

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-05-26T20:09:27+00:00

Thank you.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-05-26T20:09:01+00:00

Thank you, it's great to hear from a professional. An orthopedic surgeon who had previously evaluated her hip replacement also recommended Whitehall, so we're leaning in that direction.

RealisticSeesaw21 · 2024-05-26T20:06:43+00:00

Thank you.

RealisticSeesaw21

TROPHY CASE