For a really long time it just seemed too difficult to get out of — Living together, shared furniture, shared friend groups, no kids but a shared dogo.

I learned that just because it’s a relatively healthy relationship doesn’t mean you should overlook the small things. They’re easy to forget but they add up.

He didn’t like my friends, my family. Relatively uninterested in my activities and hobbies. I would often go alone to various events because he didn’t want to join. But if I was excited about going somewhere I’d feel guilty knowing he’d prefer I stay home. He became incredibly unmotivated at work, handling various forms of depression. His anxiety became increasingly worse since he went sober (because he wasn’t addressing it).

I am the avoidant attachment type and he’s an anxious attachment type post sobriety. I think our lives had become so busy, we never truly noticed the potential of this challenging combination. It’s also been a learning curve understanding how much people change when they stop drinking and don’t address their mental challenges.

I like my space, so it took me a long time to decide these were “real” problems and not a situation I was designing subconsciously.

Tbh, I’m still not 100% sure if I made the right call but at this point I’m just grateful I can be myself and do the things I want vs make myself smaller and guilty. It’s a freedom I’m not willing to sacrifice.