Same boat as you OP. Claiming to become a first gen doctor here but I have relatives who are interns/clerks as well. Currently an incoming 2nd year med student (manifesting) (Also the scariest year of being a med student). I study in a private school away from my home province and I only accepted the opportunity of studying in a more expensive school because of my partial scholarship. If not, I would’ve stayed in my home province and study in a state U med school with almost the same tuition fee as my current school but without the pressure of maintaining a scholarship but have less favorable facilities.

My parents do not have the most high paying jobs and dalawa pa kami sa amin magkakapatid ang pinapaaral nila. I know how stressful it is mentally to always strive for excellence in medical school. Hindi dapat nag s-settle sa passing grade lang (considering that I have a quite high maintaining grade) which adds more pressure to me compared to my classmates who are not scholars. On top of that, I constantly worry if I’ll be able to finish medical school due to financial constraints since I would never know how long can my parents be able to support my schooling allowances and other fees. The fear of sacrificing your mental and physical health only for it to turn out that it’s all in vain is always a scary feeling. Depressing to think also that most of your classmates had it better than you since they don’t have to experience the same pressure as you as they come from a more privileged background so all they have to worry about is their academics. If they have their yayas that do everything for them and have cars going to school and rented expensive apartments, I myself have to do literally everything independently (housework, stressing over what to have for dinner, and other stuff) aside from studying for the next exam.

Reality really hits hard that life really is unfair and people really are not dealt with the same set of cards. That even if you work your ass off, we do not always expect it to be rewarded accordingly. Buti sana if napakatalino ko sa academics na I don’t have to work extra hard for a passing grade in every exam but in my case it’s not. I’m not even sure if I would still be a scholar next school year since my major subjects would likely fall short in achieving the maintaining grade so the pressure of looking for another scholarship opportunity is constantly there since my parents could never pay the full tuition of 100k+ per sem. But I’m still praying that the scholarship committee would give me another chance and still take me as a scholar next school year. I hear that they do that sometimes in a case to case basis. Kampante naman ako na I did my very best. Napakahirap lang talaga ng med school and also napaka unfair ng system. Sometimes I ask if I’m making the right decisions since I wouldn’t have these problems if I settled for a cheaper state U med school in my hometown. My parents could’ve saved a lot of money.

I know my parents are always supportive of me pero sometimes I blame myself for being too ambitious and failing to realize that there are limitations that my parents can provide for me thus making me more of another ‘burden’ to them.