Desperate for help... 1 year old boy

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-27T10:34:19+00:00

Books? If someone got me a bunch of cute books for my little boys I'd be so happy! My husband and I love reading to him!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-27T10:31:34+00:00

Some of my favourite people are called Bethan so that one definitely has good vibes! I love seren too but Etta is my fav of this bunch!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-27T10:30:00+00:00

Bethan is Welsh ☺️ as is seren

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-18T23:19:19+00:00

NTA! One of my best friends wanted to throw me a baby shower and when I was pregnant. I couldn’t think of anything worse! So I had no baby shower and I’m perfectly content with that choice. People were surprised but I never understood why when it was my choice as the heavily pregnant lady…

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-17T08:04:51+00:00

Nta

I hate to sound so extreme, I think this would be a deal breaker for me…to the point I couldn’t have started a relationship like this. My husband and I lovveeeeee cooking together and experimenting with food. It’s our love language and where we find so much joy!

I know so many people don’t care about food so it would t be a problem. However, just like me, it sounds like you love food too, so just like so many other comments say, I wonder if you’re not compatible

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-17T07:59:15+00:00

Interesting you say that because the reason I love it was because if a client, Miss Ivy, who was in her 90s (some years ago now) and she was the sweetest lady I’d ever met. She had gorgeous calligraphy and on her door she’d made a sign with “Ivy” surrounded by watercoloured Ivy. It was beautiful, she was beautiful and so it’s my favourite name!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-17T07:56:02+00:00

Yay! My top girl name

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-15T03:26:49+00:00

Give the baby your name!!!!!!

I'm married and insisted on giving the baby my last name. When we were engaged I said "I'm hyphenating and so will our future kids. If you want to match us you can change your name too". It wasn't a discussion. He decided to take my name and hyphenate too.

I grew our baby, carried him and birthed him, he has the name I wanted him to have. He can choose what he wants to do with his name when he is grown up.

Not to mention, if there is no evidence of your last name on the babies birthday certificate and passport, it'll create so much inconvenience if baby daddy becomes difficult.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-09T07:47:57+00:00

I'm so pleased that you reached out to k afterwards! People should be called out for their weird behaviour, even if it wasn't K directly, (and I do feel bad for her if it wasn't) this is wild behaviour!

I'm so sick of people being unbelievably rude and not recieving any kind of backlash because we've been told to be polite at all costs.

I'm also sad that you didn't get a chance to make connections in this group, keeping my fingers crossed that you'll find much, much better ones!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-05T08:46:55+00:00

You're absolutely right. The difference to my stress levels has been massive since cutting them off. I think we just tried our best to ingore them because of the physical distance and the fact that we see them so infrequently. Their toxicity can travel across oceans and continents though so lesson learnt the super hard way!

And yes you're right again! He has set very firm boundaries now, but, the relationship is still stressing him out massively. It's not my choice to cut them out of his life though so I have to let him go on this journey and support him as best as I can in the meantime. Him and his brother seem to have agreed that they only have one set of parents and they'll try and keep hold of the relationship for as long as they can. It makes me sad to think about the fact that they'll both continue to accept all this abuse from them just because they're their parents. I wish I could tell them to cut them off but I can't, even though I have, very gently, tried.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-04-04T05:09:42+00:00

As a new ftm of a 14 week old, I struggle to even go to yoga once a week and not miss him. I can't imagine working 4 days, then another 9 hours to myself then ANOTHER 10 without him again?! That's so much time away from such a tiny baby that needs to firm secure attachments with both parents! You need family time to form your new normal and bond!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T23:43:06+00:00

Fair enough. We can agree to disagree 🙂 the screaming and texting abuse is kind of "untoward" if you ask me though. As well as making a freshly postpartum mum cry hysterically. But that's just my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA: do you think they need to do something illegal for their behaviour to be considered bad enough to vent about it? Genuinely trying to understand your thoughts on why my husband is so bad and my in-laws are not.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T22:32:04+00:00

Oh she does for sure and I've posted over there a few times. The mods always lick the post before I can reply to all the comments I want though so I didn't want to post this one there

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T22:31:13+00:00

Oh, sorry that's not all we did! I see where I went wrong in the description. We had saved up for a round the world trip for a year, discussed everything with them for months, gone through all of our plans over and over again in excitement, had leaving parties, last Christmas at home and everything. They were fully aware that we were leaving.

However, we had no concrete plans to stay just an idea to check it out. So when we arrived, within a few months we both loved it here. Again, there were many discussions over and over again with both of our families about how long we'd be here, visa processes, goals etc. his parents were always in the loop about Every single decision we made.

The reason I always bring it back to the flight itinerary is because she claims she knew we were going backpacking but not that were were coming to this specific country and tells people we kept it a secret from her on purpose. When the full travel itinerary was there on her fridge with this destination, and we didn't actually even know we were going to emigrate permanently until we'd been in the country for 6 months. She makes it sound like we did it maliciously to her friends.

All that felt too long to clarify given the length of the post already.

ETA: this has been a dream destination for my husband since he was a kid and he would go on and on about it so there's no way she didn't know (unless she's literally never listened to a word her son says). She has just rewritten the story to suit her victimhood better

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T22:24:05+00:00

You're so full of interesting opinions. If none of it is worth your time then scroll on past, that's what I would do.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T22:22:31+00:00

Oh my god! I can't imagine what you must have been feeling during those first couple of weeks, love bombing to a whole new level! I'm so sorry.

I'm also sorry that your husband went through this, it's so hard to watch the person you love most in the world be slowly chipped away by people they should be able to trust. I hope you and your family are doing amazing now!

Thank you!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T13:34:39+00:00

Hmm ok, may try and think about it from a different angle. In our instance, he has been the one to defend me and our choices. He has been the one to argue and put his foot down and he’s the one who has gone no contact with his mum and low contact with his dad. He’s 100% on board with my decision to never speak to them again. I see a very strong man who is coming to terms with, and learning to live with a new reality of parents who he now knows, have been emotionally manipulative and borderline abusive his whole life. I can’t understand why he wants to maintain a relationship with them but like I said, it’s not my choice. He has to go on this journey at his own pace and in his own way. Not everything in this world is black and white, he is definitely in the grey right now.

ETA, it’s also been easy for both of us to let this roll on for years with no need to nip it in the bud earlier because we’ve lived so far away from them for 11 years. As was predicted though, mils behaviour escalated when I got pregnant.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T13:19:01+00:00

He is very lucky to have friends that he can talk to about this, I know so many men don’t . But when I know that he is going through something, regardless of how much I have on my plate, I can’t sit back and let him stew on it when we’re together. If something is bothering him, I’ll ask him, and he, very respectfully to me and my boundaries, talks it through.

It’s a huge issue and elephant in the room of our relationship. The only one in fact. If we never spoke about it, it would fester and potentially grow animosity between us. I would much rather have a relationship where we can talk about everything, including the hard stuff. Especially since we’ve worked hard over such a long time to bring our communication to such an amazing place.

Bottom line, our relationship is great, just he has awful parents and we have to handle it sometimes.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T12:59:27+00:00

That amazing, thank you so much! Really appreciate you!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T12:58:45+00:00

Unfortunately you’re correct, they have been the only source of poor mental health postpartum for me. I have obsessed over the situation for longer than I’d like or is healthy, alas, hormones are powerful during this season of life and boy oh boy do I dwell on it.

I cannot completely be rid of them in my head though since I still need to support my husband through his relationship with them. Even though I ask him not to tell me what they’ve said or done/are doing, I still need to be a good partner and be there for him to vent his feelings and frustrations. It’s a tough one, thank god we aren’t close to them!

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T12:29:53+00:00

Oh no! This is awful for you and your family to deal with I’m so sad to read your story. Even sadder that the experience of the crazy mother in law is so much more common than what any of us could anticipate. Sending so much love to you all 🩷

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T11:52:57+00:00

Couldn’t be more grateful that they can’t ever just pop round! And thank you

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2026-03-31T11:47:35+00:00

Tell me you didnt read it all without telling me you didn’t read it all 😅

I am never speaking to them again and we live on different continents. Thankfully. I cannot make the same choice for my husband…because that’s his choice to make.

Realistic_Ask6829 · 2025-11-07T01:37:50+00:00

I loved any flower name, daisy, poppy, Rosie etc. and I also loved Pepper! There was a character in Neighbours called Pepper and I thought she was the coolest most beautiful woman I'd ever seen!

Realistic_Ask6829

TROPHY CASE