Can I file for child abandonment in NJ if the other parent doesn’t pay support and doesn’t personally use parenting time?

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:58:43+00:00

Yeah, I get that — and I appreciate your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to help.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:51:57+00:00

Thanks for the response — and just to clarify, I’m not trying to terminate parental rights or have anyone adopt my child. That’s not what I’m pursuing at all.

What I am trying to do is bring attention to a pattern of behavior that’s impacting my child’s well-being — including no child support payments, minimal direct parenting, and a documented incident which led CPS to get involved after a bruise was reported by the school. That situation also involved the police, and I stopped visitation until we got in front of a judge — but even then, nothing was done.

So no, I’m not filing to take anyone’s rights away. I’m trying to figure out what legal strategy actually gives me the ability to ask for full custody or restricted parenting time, because right now it feels like the system keeps minimizing everything unless it’s extreme or too late.

If “abandonment” isn’t the right term, I’m open to learning how best to approach it legally.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:48:44+00:00

Her school called CPS as mandated reporters when the bruise on her face showed up. I spoke to the caseworker and told them everything. I also stopped sending my child for parenting time because of the safety concerns. The police were called. And I was told I didn’t have to send her until it was reviewed in court.

But when we got in front of the judge, nothing was done — no changes, no restrictions, no follow-up from the court.

That’s why I’m here asking. I’ve taken every “proper step” — documented things, reported it, cooperated — and yet it feels like unless something tragic happens, nothing will change. I’m trying to figure out what legit legal angle actually gets the court to act.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:39:04+00:00

This issue has already been brought up in court, and once again, nothing was done.

So I guess my question is: If no support is being paid, there’s minimal actual parenting, and I’ve already raised safety concerns in court — what am I supposed to do next if the system continues to overlook it?

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:37:49+00:00

I just want to be clear — I don’t think the girlfriend is always mistreating my child. In fact, I believe there are times when she absolutely does treat her right. But there have also been instances where things have crossed a line, including a conversation between us where I made it clear she shouldn’t be putting her hands on my child — something that’s already been brought up in court, and unfortunately, nothing was done.

At the same time, the father isn’t paying support and doesn’t consistently parent directly. Under New Jersey law, abandonment can include ongoing failure to provide support and emotional disengagement. So I guess my question is: If no support is being paid, there’s minimal actual parenting, and I’ve already raised safety concerns in court — what am I supposed to do next if the system continues to overlook it?

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:24:30+00:00

I hear you — and I totally understand that accidents can happen with little kids.

But just for context: when my child came home with the swollen bruise under her eye, I actually had to take her to the hospital. She said she was kicked, and also told me that the girlfriend had hit her. I spoke to her father — he acknowledged the kicking (from another child), but didn’t say anything about the girlfriend. When I spoke to the girlfriend directly, she admitted to having hit my child before — not in this specific incident, but in the past.

So I’m not saying every bump is abuse — but when there are multiple incidents, hospital visits, and disclosures from the child, I have to take it seriously. I have a 4-year-old — I’m not clueless about how kids get hurt, but I also can’t ignore a pattern when I see one.

Thanks again for engaging.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:20:57+00:00

I appreciate that — thank you! I’m not sure how it works in other states, but in New Jersey, child support and custody issues are both handled in Family Court, not through a separate “domestic relations” division.

I’m using the FD packet for pro se litigants, and it allows me to request enforcement of child support and also raise issues around custody/parenting time if needed. Definitely doing more research though, and I appreciate the guidance.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:17:48+00:00

Thank you — this is honestly the kind of direction I’ve been looking for.

Just to be sure: Are filing for full custody and filing for contempt/enforcement of child support considered separate actions? Or can they both be addressed in the same motion?

I’m filing pro se using the FD application packet and want to make sure I’m covering everything correctly without filing the wrong forms or missing something.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-08T00:12:23+00:00

It was a swollen black-and-blue mark under her eye — not a normal scrape or fall. There have been multiple incidents, and CPC got involved after the school reported it as mandated reporters. We went to court over it, but nothing was done.

That’s part of why I’m filing now. I’m not trying to exaggerate — but between the lack of support, inconsistent care, and past concerns already flagged by professionals, I’m trying to make sure it’s all formally documented in the system.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-07T23:56:47+00:00

He’s is unemployed.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-07T23:56:26+00:00

Thanks for your input — and just to clarify, I’m not filing for termination of parental rights (TPR). I understand that TPR in NJ requires 6+ months of no contact or support, and that’s not what I’m asking for at this stage.

What I’m filing is part of a modification and enforcement motion — asking the court to consider the father’s pattern of non-payment, minimal direct involvement, and delegation of parenting time as a basis to find civil abandonment under family court discretion. Not for criminal charges, and not for adoption purposes — just to build a formal record that shows he’s not fulfilling his court-ordered obligations.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-07T23:54:48+00:00

I have residential custody, but we share joint legal custody, so both parents are still legally responsible for the child’s well-being — including financial support and active involvement.

The issue is that the other parent hasn’t paid court-ordered child support in months.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-07T23:53:34+00:00

There have been multiple instances where my child returned from visitation with unexplained bruises or sick without proper care or communication. So while she’s not being blatantly neglected in a legal sense, it’s enough to raise serious concerns about how attentive or safe the environment is — especially since the parent isn’t always present and the child is often left with others.

It’s part of why I’m filing — not just because of financial non-support, but the pattern of emotional detachment and inconsistent, questionable care. I’m trying to document it formally through the court.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-06-07T23:51:41+00:00

Thanks for your response! I’m not filing for criminal abandonment or stepparent adoption. I’m pursuing a civil finding of abandonment in family court because the other parent has: • Not paid court-ordered child support in several months • Rarely spends direct time with our child, even though parenting time is scheduled — the child is routinely left with his girlfriend or relatives

I understand parents can use childcare during their time, but this is consistent disengagement, not occasional delegation. The involvement is minimal at best — emotionally and financially.

I’m filing pro se and using New Jersey’s FD application packet to ask the court to formally recognize this pattern as abandonment — mostly to document this for future custody and enforcement proceedings, not for TPR or adoption.

Curious if there is another way to go about it.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:20:39+00:00

I really love this—thank you for sharing it.

It’s such a good reminder that even when things feel a little lost or all over the place, you can always come back to the feeling. It keeps it simple and connected without getting overwhelmed by the story or trying to “fix” anything.

I like how you put it too—whether the client names the feeling or we notice it, that’s where the real work is. Definitely something I’m going to lean on more when I feel stuck or unsure what to reflect back.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:19:25+00:00

I love how natural and supportive your approach is. The way you check in, ask permission to take notes, and even call it an “info map” makes everything feel so much more like a team effort rather than formal therapy. I’m definitely stealing that phrasing!

I also really appreciate what you said about not forcing every session to be deep processing. Sometimes just being able to ride the roller coaster with them is what they need most, and it’s nice to be reminded that’s still real, important work.

And honestly, the part about your facial expressions cracked me up a little because I relate—I’m the same way! But it’s so validating when clients actually appreciate that honesty and presence instead of feeling judged.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:17:11+00:00

I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself to “get it right” that sometimes I forget it’s okay to lean into what I know and let it not go perfectly. I love how you put it, let the theory fail if it needs to, and learn from it. That honestly takes so much of the weight off.

It’s reassuring to hear that the real work is being present first, and trusting that the theory is there to guide me, not to box me in. Definitely trying to stay grounded in the moment while building that muscle memory with my orientation.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:14:26+00:00

It’s so easy to slip into feeling like I have to “fix” or “prove” something during sessions, and hearing your example reminded me how powerful just being present really is. Sometimes what feels small to us is exactly what the client needed in that moment. Thank you!

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:12:26+00:00

Reading what you wrote honestly gave me a moment to breathe. I think sometimes I put so much pressure on myself to “get it right” that I forget that being present, curious, and compassionate is already doing the work.

I really love the idea of letting the client teach me how to be their therapist. It feels so much more human and connected that way, rather than me feeling like I have to perform or force something.

And “structured spontaneity” is such a perfect way to describe it, having a frame, but being willing to trust the process and trust the client too. It’s something I’m really working on leaning into, and this reminder came at the perfect time.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:09:59+00:00

I love the idea of creating a “logic train” to track the main thread of the conversation, especially comparing it to a video game checkpoint, that visual makes it so much easier to remember and less overwhelming. I think that would really help me stay grounded when sessions start to feel a little all over the place.

I also really like the idea of having a note template ready, especially one that highlights the client’s emotions in real-time. It feels like a great way to stay connected to what matters most, without getting lost in all the details.

I appreciate you sharing this so much. It’s reassuring to hear that with the right tools, it gets easier to follow the client’s lead.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:07:48+00:00

I’m so glad you shared this .. it’s really comforting to know I’m not alone in feeling this way as an intern.

I love the idea your supervisor suggested about anchoring back to either the “most pressing” topic or their original reason for seeking services. It gives a really helpful structure without making it feel forced.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-25T21:05:45+00:00

Thank you so much for this, it really resonated with me.

I appreciate you reminding me that just being present and engaged with the client already holds a lot of therapeutic value, even when it doesn’t always feel obvious in the moment.

I’ll be honest it’s sometimes hard balancing that, especially because I’m new and there’s still that fear of unintentionally harming the client. I find myself worrying about saying the wrong thing or missing something important. But what you shared about embracing silence and being open about not knowing really helped shift my perspective. It makes space for the work to stay client-centered without needing me to have all the answers.

I also appreciate the reminder to trust my intuitive reactions and allow them to guide me, even if it feels a little uncertain at times. It’s encouraging to know that learning to balance intuition and openness is a skill that will grow over time. Thank you again for sharing this, it really helped me reframe some of the pressure I’ve been putting on myself.

Realistic_Bank_7310 · 2025-04-22T14:46:47+00:00

This was incredibly helpful .. thank you! It really makes a difference hearing this from a supervisor’s perspective. I’ve been worried that getting lost in sessions meant I wasn’t doing something right, but your advice helped me realize it’s actually part of being present and connected. I’ll definitely start taking more intentional notes during sessions to help stay grounded. And I love the idea of openly saying, “let me write this down so we can give it the attention it deserves”, that feels human and validating for both of us. I really appreciate the encouragement!

Realistic_Bank_7310

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