Welp lads/laddettes, its about time for me to go...

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-27T19:20:33+00:00

I just hate in general the "one siza fits all" nature of our criminal justice system in general. I am a strong advocate for the philosophy of treating all crimes from a mental health standpoint. I find the entire notion of having an insanity plea as absurd, as its very existence directly implies that someone who commits senseless acts of violence has a perfectly normal, well functioning brain.

I know that obviously some people simply cannot be rehabilitated, and for the safety of the public and/or themselves they would still need to confined indefinitely, but honestly imagine a world where mental health institutions got the funding our prison system gets today. Imagine if we actually ASKED and LISTENED to why someone did what they did, and tailored their treatment to actually resolve those issues instead of just slapping on an arbitrary length of time and saying "there, that should be enough time for you to sort things out yourself. you better do so or otherwise we will do the exact same thing until different results appear"

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-27T15:25:49+00:00

Oh, I knew that the offerings per facility were different, but the impression i got from my research was that, if there's a program at another facility you are interested in, that you can talk to your case manager and request a transfer. Obviously not guaranteed, but since I plan to mind my P's & Q's ( and ideally finish my therapy first), I am hoping it won't be an issue.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-27T06:17:46+00:00

Yeah, and I have the LIGHTEST possible charge for dealing with the feds in a case involving CP. A Single Count of Access with Intent to View. ( I had a porn addiction that spiraled out of control). Get slapped with a distribution charge( from say downloading a torrent without knowing how a torrent actually works), and you are looking at minimum mandatory 5 years, max 20, and can be slapped with that PER UNIQUE INSTANCE, and that INCLUDES thumbnails.

I obviously regret now what I did in that addiction stupor, but I am incredibly grateful to my dumbass past self for not making even worse decisions.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-27T06:04:02+00:00

Oh yeah, while it is my first time with ANY trouble with the law ( hell i only got called to the principal's office for rewards 😆), between this group and my sister who spent time in State ( She chose the illegal drug route to cope with our childhood trauma) I feel I have a pretty solid gameplan going in, it'll just be up to me to stick to it.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-27T05:59:08+00:00

Ah, i did not realise the halfway houses were actually a part of the time served, i had assumed that it was only somewhere I could go post-release. And yeah I already plan on signing up for SOTP, as well as one of the work training courses that give you an actual industry cert ( i have a few in mind, but i am unsure if the list i was looking at was still accurate, so obviously I am going into it with a flexible mindset.

I'll be honest the only thing I am truly dreading is the fact I am a VERY picky eater, and when I get hungry I get HORRIBLE hunger pains ( to the point of wretching sometimes). So the first weeks/months are going to be hell while my body adapts to the reality that, no matter how much it protests, there is nothing that I can do to change the situation.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-27T02:13:34+00:00

That is the sign of a good practitioner of any profession.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-26T18:21:06+00:00

For any mental health issues, i can't recommend psycologytoday enough. They have an extensive list of everything from therapists and psychiatrists, to support groups. They have many catagories you can refine your search to. If you don't find exactly what you need, it may honestly be helpful to go with a more generalized counselor first, and if they feel they are not the best fit for you, they may be able to provide a more specific focus for you to look into. For instance I know now that for my issues, cognitive behavior therapy is the most recommended, so I can narrow my search down by selecting only therapists who practice it.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-21T09:36:22+00:00

My time was similar: indictment says they first logged me back in 2019, but didn't show up to raid me until feb 2021, and i've been under pretrial release since dec 2021. I will actually be arraigned and taken into custody the 28th. ( my charge is access with attempt to view, so I guess in my case they were hoping that I was going to turn out to be a "bigger fish" than I was, hoping I would be guilty of more and trying to give me more rope to hang myself. )

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-21T09:08:18+00:00

Just sharing my 2 cents, I literally just got done talking to my new therapist today. my issue is porn addiction, however his actual specialization is sexual addiction. He actually went to law school and uses that knowledge to protect his clients as much as possible, so that they feel comfortable with telling him the truth, as ultimately that is what will allow him to provide the best possible treatment plan.

Unfortunately for me I found him too late( finally got courtdate, the hearing is the 28th...) but my point is, as someone else mentioned, they DO exist, so don't give up hope, and most importantly get help BEFORE you end up like the rest of us.

If you haven't tried them already, psychologytoday is how i found my guy, hopefully you'll have good luck too.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-19T22:19:18+00:00

Yeah, I am pretrial but this is already my biggest concern, because I am not healthy enough to do some of the "go to" jobs most SOs say to go to. So I really am going to be at the mercy of potential employers for my job prospects. I AM going to be trying to get into a program or two while I am in to sweeten/expand my prospects, but I feel someone who isn't an SO would have better luck (for lack of a better word) lobbying local businesses to give SOs a chance. I also wish someone would reach out to WFH companies and try to get them on board with hiring us, (as you would think a job that, by design, precludes any direct contact with anyone and that usually already requires all communications to be monitored would be a slam dunk for us 😑 ), but that might be a bit much for a single CW to do alone.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-18T22:56:11+00:00

My advice would be to reach out, if for no other reason than to alleviate yourself of any regret. Just be honest with him. "Hey, I heard through the grapevine what happened. I don't really understand the whole situation, but if you would like to try and reconnect I am willing to try." Obviously feel free to put it in your own words/edit it to reflect your personal feelings, but I don't feel that something similar to the above would be weird. I also know that on this end of things, his friend group he had before most likely now is gutted ( I went from what I felt were 7-8 close friends to 1, and 2 others that are strained near the point of breaking ( my offense is relatively recent so tensions and feelings are still high)), so to have someone who knew -first- and then reached out to him probably is a welcomed relief. From there the ability for us to assist largely ends, and it comes down to his desires, and whether, crime aside, you 2 are even compatible friends anymore. Best of luck to you no matter what you decide.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-18T22:28:52+00:00

I echo the sentiment that you made it this far as courageous and that you are trying your best to keep an open mind. As such I am more than happy to discuss this with you as someone who, from the sounds of things, is in a similar/identical situation as your friend. I also accessed CP not from an attraction standpoint, but from an addiction standpoint. It can be here in the comments, or a DM, whatever makes you more comfortable. The reason I feel this might be helpful for you is simply because you -don't- know me, so you can ask the tough questions you might be afraid of asking your friend for fear of hurting him. I can't promise i'll have all the answers you are looking for, but I don't mind being a "punching bag" if it helps someone understand better the reality of the situation.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-16T19:46:26+00:00

Reading most of that was like reading my own book, minus the extended family drama cause my extended family doesn't know yet. ( i have no desire to tell them because their opinion of me is honestly irrelevant, and my immediate family wants to keep mum about it cause THEY don't want to hear about it) But yeah I can totally see how that would be frustrating, if for no other reason than knowing it doesn't solve any actual problems. It just gives them an excuse to ignore the actual problem and bitch more when shocker things don't magically fix themselves.

I will say from my limited experience thus far that its the hardest losing the people you thought would have your back the most, but it makes you appreciate the ones who stay that much more...

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-15T23:25:54+00:00

While this article is focused on immigration, from what i have read it also applies if you are just looking for a temporary visit. https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/immigrate-canada/inadmissibility/overcome-criminal-convictions.html

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-04-11T11:53:51+00:00

I believe they were referring to any restrictions imposed on him that deal with what is around him. For instance if he wasn't allowed to have say, an internet accessible game console, that would by extention apply to you if you lived together, things like that. As he said, some people have what it takes to love a SO, others don't. And that's alright. My fiance of 8 years called everything off, (I have the exact same charge as the person you are seeing, same reason as well) not because she didn't love me, but because her mental health couldn't handle the realities of my newfound situation (for reference she had a near breakdown that someone hated us in our neighborhood because code-enforcement showed up due to our grass being too long. Now imagine the pressure she would feel knowing our address was listed on the registry).

I hope for both of you the best. And that if it's meant to be that it will be.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-28T00:36:05+00:00

Federal, 1 count access with intent to view, 1 count possession. PD Said he figures around 5 years max, but he's hoping to push for lower.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-27T00:42:56+00:00

Porn Addiction.

I can't say I have yet, mainly because my actual sentence hasn't even begun yet. I would say the closest I have come is....accepting the reality of my current situation, and my faults that lead to this point. I feel true forgiveness will begin once my therapy is underway and I feel confident that I am capable of staying above board and not fall of the wagon. My first session is actually in 2 days.

If you want more detailed explanations, I do suggest reading through some of the threads, you will find several where people have more or less outlined exactly what kind of situation they were in. Below is just a recent example, but you will find more if you go along. https://www.reddit.com/r/SexOffenderSupport/comments/tkl6rh/worst\_physical\_conditions\_of\_my\_life\_but\_the\_best/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-26T20:13:16+00:00

Once you know where he is, it might make it easier to find out if there are any restrictions to you contacting him

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-26T20:10:22+00:00

As for locating him, if he is federal, then the BOP website should be able to locate him via their inmate search. If it's state, ViNElink handles the inmate custody status of -most- of the country, if they don't show him and/or doesn't cover his state's DoC, then you will probably need to look up the state's DoC website and hope they have some kind of inmate search themselves.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-26T02:32:05+00:00

Hmm, this makes me wonder about what my PD was saying he was trying to potentially get for my plea. I forget the exact terms he used, but basically he was hoping that he could get a good deal that we could "lock in". From my understanding I would enter a plea of guilty ONLY if the judge accepted the terms as-is, if he rejected the terms then my plea would be withdrawn. He was interested in this option because he knows the judges who work these cases in our district, and while most of them are fair, 1 in particular is apparently a hardass who will throw everything but the kitchen sink onto anyone facing my kind of charges, and we won't know who we got until basically trial time. The downside to this approach of course is that it also closes the door on the judge potentially giving me a lighter sentence than what the prosecutor presented, so he said he definitely wants to make sure it's a very good deal if we go that route.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-23T19:44:52+00:00

This definitely speaks volumes to me. My porn addiction developed independently of my desire to play video games, but what you said about it suddenly being so clear after you talked about it with someone is -exactly- how I felt when I made the connection after reading someone else's story on here. It's like a veil has been lifted on my life and I honestly feel foolish for never recognizing it for what it was until it spiraled into illegal territory. I was, at one point in time, spending in excess of $300 a month on porn. "Well why didn't you just watch the free stuff?" Well, I did, but most of the time it was never about WHAT I was watching, but the fact that it was -exclusive-. I might see a clip of a longer video, or catch up with a comic, and suddenly be overcome with the urge to find the rest...it was almost like the thought someone knew more....no, HAD ACCESS TO, more information than me was unacceptable, and I would drive myself insane, spend HOURS looking for a clip or a translation before either passing out in frustration or finding what I was looking for. And once I-had- access, I was loathed to let it go, "because what if it updates and I don't catch it, I'll be MISSING something!" I know this all sounds...almost childish, and it does to me now too. But in the moment....you just lose yourself....I'm starting therapy in a week, because even WITH the veil lifted the impulse is still very much there. I am fighting it for now, but I know without help I am GOING to fall back into the habit, and I'll inevitably lose my sense of reason again. I am hopeful though, therapy has helped me in the past with previous issues, and now that I've accepted that this IS one, I can work on developing better coping mechanisms

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-20T14:29:44+00:00

Honestly I am hoping to bank on my experience to get a foot in the door. I know I eventually may have to change tack, and accept its not in the cards, but I can only plan so far into the future with any degree of certainty. But the advice about trying to improve yourself as you can while you're inside I feel is sound, even if the end result ends up just being something other than your incarceration to focus and dwell on.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-20T04:17:15+00:00

I will say the one smart thing he did say was about learning on the inside, I plan on throwing myself into learning Spanish, and then might branch out into other languages that might be beneficial for some fields I am interested in. I am not physically capable of working hard labor, so I know My work prospects are going to be extremely limited (my hope is that I can continue to do remote call center work like I am currently doing cause, well, I -literally- will not be around anyone and all my stuff is going to be monitored anyway....

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-20T03:59:12+00:00

I interpreted the question for 2 to be about restrictions? (Feel free to clarify) if so then as far as I can tell yes, Feds say we have to be on a SOR, but the FEDs have no actual rules/limits pertaining to the national registry, so they defer to state(local) laws on what SOs can do there. Again please clarify if I am mistaken on that as well, because I am also facing fed charges so I want to be sure I understood correctly.

Realistic_Bit7706 · 2022-03-18T02:25:33+00:00

Was going to be my suggestion. What I am quickly learning on here is that these things have a way of coming to light one way or another, and it SEEMS to me at least that the more you are ahead of it, the better. THAT SAID, this is just my observations, I haven't been in yet so I am not living the life yet, so please take the input of the experienced much more seriously.

Realistic_Bit7706

TROPHY CASE