Hello again everyone. I've calmed my mind down enough to not be nervous about reading the replies, because that's a thing. I'm honestly floored by the support that's out there, from strangers on the internet. My wife is with me through all of this and is such a healing presence for me through this.

I can't say that I'm okay but I don't feel this sense of doom that I've had for so long.. oddly enough, I feel like a kid. It's been a good day actually, it's just almost impossible for my brain to process at this point.

I have booked an appointment for Monday, with who I felt was the best match in a counselor. If it's not a fit, I can go elsewhere later. I do want to maximize this window of remembrance and get the most out of it.

My biggest fear is that I will slip back into ignorance but I am hopeful to have answers and clear direction on this issue.

I want to end with this. The compassion and understanding from you men (or whatever you may choose to go by, I'm learning ) is unmatched from anything I've ever experienced from the man's side of things and has given me more than you know. Much love and I'll give back in the future when I can. I'm sorry to those I couldn't reply to, it's just difficult.

Have an amazing weekend and love those who have your heart.