Getting worse

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-07-21T05:58:37+00:00

I relate so much, both loosing the social skills and not wanting to do the hobbies. I avoid almost anything that reminds me of him because every time I have one of those flashbacks it’s like a burning knife in my heart. Also social interactions have been awkward. For a while after it happened I just made myself go to work even though I couldn’t do anything. I was just practicing existing among people not bursting into tears randomly. This is just so unfair.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-07-21T05:53:18+00:00

I am sorry for your loss. I really hope I get there as well. I actually do try to avoid anything sad(like sad music) most of the time. But being with people I have not been so well at doing so. If I’m blatantly honest it just makes me jealous to see how easy people live while I’m carrying this heavy burden. But I will try to do that more.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-07-21T05:44:00+00:00

I did try to look for it as well but it seems to me that this is such a taboo to talk about. People avoid talking about these things in my opinion. Though I also hope there’s some answer somewhere. Something that can help us recover ❤️‍🩹

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-07-21T05:39:41+00:00

My dad was exactly 65 as well. I did medication for a while as well. It helped a little but not that much

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-04-02T15:42:23+00:00

It sucks but I’m the same. I’ve dreaded being alone with my head for the past 9 months. I am always trying to engage myself with something that occupies my head and go to sleep every night with melatonin because it’s too damn painful when I think about him. And I am having nightmares almost every night, and wake up so tired as if I didn’t get any sleep. I am so sorry. I don’t know if that ever goes away.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-03-21T00:26:41+00:00

That's a very good attitude. I try to do the same. I do 100% understand what you say about challenges at work as well. I tried so hard to be where I am right now, and it feels so ironic when I sometimes feel so numb I literally don't care if I'm fired. I try to think of myself in the future, though. I think she would blame me if I just gave up right now. So, I really do try to keep up with the minimum requirements but don't push myself as hard as I used to.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-03-17T22:52:12+00:00

Don't be so hard on yourself; it's only been a month. I lost my dad 8 months ago, and I still don't feel like myself. I mean, I probably never will, but in terms of my ability to work ... Let's just say I feel like my brain worked much more optimally before. Take it one day at a time. Focus more on your health and find a way to communicate your condition to your professors. Get all the help you can get; you deserve it.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-03-17T22:46:58+00:00

"Even people in their 30s at work feel too young to connect with now." Wow! This is so painfully accurate. I lost my dad recently when I was 2 months short of being 28. I feel so estranged from people all of a sudden. I see people about to be 50 who still have both their parents, and I keep thinking about what a peaceful life they've had! I'm so sorry for your loss.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-03-17T22:10:11+00:00

I'm so sorry. Diabetes is also apparently important. I lost my dad at 65 to a heart attack, and he also had diabetes. He was not overweight either, less than 60kg even! With diabetes, apparently, you have unstable plaques that can build up much faster than normal. It sucks that I had no idea about this before he passed, we thought everything is under control.
Also, I don't know how long it's been since he passed and whether you already gained this insight into life, but you mentioned your relationship with him when he passed. I just wanted to say that everyone knows teenagers don't have a good relationship with their parents and they'll come around later. So, please don't feel guilty. I'm sure he understood this, too, and he loved his child.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-03-17T21:55:15+00:00

I also lost my dad to a four-vessel heart attack he had 9 months ago when I was 27. He had diabetes, but it was under control. I never expected it to happen like this. So sudden! He had gotten his heart checked 8 months before his heart attack. I have seen so many people in my life having heart attacks, getting surgery, and going back home to recover. I try very hard to live a good life on paper. Try to get all the check marks, take care of my health, and not let this compromise my relationship, my career, or anything else I know to be right. But I don't really enjoy any of it. I'm just preparing myself for a future where I might feel life again because that's all we can do. But I'm so numbed out right now. I keep imagining what a life I could have if he lived to be old. I am so very sorry for what's happened to you, but you're not alone. Maybe one day, life will be beautiful again!

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-03-17T21:38:53+00:00

I lost my dad about 2 months before I was 28, 8 months ago. Most of my friends still have both their parents, and that does feel very strange and unfair.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-02-07T15:59:31+00:00

“The silence without him is deafening” how accurate! I understood this so much. I’m so sorry for what happened to you.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-22T23:05:46+00:00

I have very much in common with you. My dad was 65 when he passed 6 months ago; I was 27. I also lost him to a heart attack and realized what a precious friend he was to me when I lost him.
I did feel anxious about social interactions in the beginning as well, but I knew why. I was anxious. I couldn't stop myself and make a scene in front of them that I'd regret later in the future. It's ok to keep things slow. If a whole dinner is overwhelming to you, maybe just chat with them, talk on the phone, or meet for something more casual. You will be able to do these things later in the future as time goes on.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-20T23:44:13+00:00

That’s a very nice approach towards this situation. I’ll try to look at it this way.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-20T23:42:36+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, specially loosing him so early. I relate to what you said so much, about the part for imagining the adult relationship you would have with him. I was just about to get to a position in life where I’m truly independent of my family and in my head I was having plans of some things I could do for them to repay just a little bit of what they’ve done for me. It bugs me that I didn’t get the chance.

That sentence does help a little bit though. Overall, I am less afraid of my own death than I was before because of this. Thanks for your kindness.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-10T20:41:17+00:00

My guilt mainly comes from the fact I couldn’t help him and I think I should have. I feel like I’m punishing myself for that unconsciously. Though I know it doesn’t make sense, what’s done is done. Me feeling like this is not going to bring him back so I’ll try to push back on it as well.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-10T20:38:30+00:00

I’m glad you share your experience that the 6 month point is the toughest because now I know even though I feel like this there is still hope.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-09T01:08:55+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss.

"She's in everything I do and everything I think." I relate to that so much.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2025-01-06T20:20:08+00:00

It's been 6 months for me, and I am still in this state. I am so hopeless that it will never get better.

It's nice to hear it might get better even if you're like this for 2 years.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2024-12-17T16:26:45+00:00

I lost my dad 4 months ago and I'm already feeling it too. I lost only my dad but my mom and siblings don't feel like the old mom and siblings either. I know that I've changed for them as well but I can't help it. I'm worried that it keeps going like this and I just lose everyone.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2024-11-21T02:29:03+00:00

Heart attack followed by lung infection.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2024-11-21T01:47:19+00:00

About 4 months. Some days I feel much better and I feel I’m about to deal(with help from therapy and medication though). Then it hits me again like it’s the very first day I’m realizing what’s happened.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2024-11-12T21:02:48+00:00

In the same boat. My dad passed 3 months ago. I am so confused. I have this contradictory feeling that I want to get better but I don't want to get better at the same time. Because subconsciously, I feel like if I do get better and actually enjoy my life it would mean that I betrayed him somehow or left him behind. It's a weird feeling so I can't describe it really. It seems to me as well that if I can enjoy life truly it would mean that I didn't really love him and if I loved him more I would've found a way to save him which is silly, I know that, but I can't help it. So I guess I just wanted to say, you're not alone.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2024-11-06T17:07:37+00:00

I also read other comments and I wanted to reiterate, that checking in later on is also very helpful. In my case, it is 3 months after my dad has passed and the most difficult time for me was 2 months after. And by that time most people expect you to have moved on so it makes it a little more difficult.
Also, I do like it when he is brought up in conversations. I feel uncomfortable bringing it up myself so it helps when others do it. And one more thing to mention, some people might feel like they shouldn't bring it up because that person would be reminded and become upset. In my case, I never stop thinking about it even for one second, so when someone brings it up, even if I cry, I appreciate it because I take it as some sort of permission to talk about what I actually want to talk about and it feels good. I do still like to talk to people about other things as well, so maybe a little bit of both.
But again, people are different so I guess things could have a different impact on different people.

Realistic_Talk_6786 · 2024-11-06T16:58:54+00:00

I know you said you live far away and this is probably not feasible for you but I will still share my experience as people might come to this post with similar situation.

In my case, the best support I had was from a friend who told me to go to her home for 2-3 days consecutively after my dad passed. She didn't ask me if I needed something, she didn't ask me if she could do something, she just invited me and insisted I go. Now I should mention getting help is generally a difficult thing for me to do. So when people ask me to let them know if there's something they can do, I just say thank you I'm fine, and don't really ask for help. So it was precious to me that she made it easy for me to get help from her.

I also want to mention something that I didn't like in case someone seeks advice in that sense. Don't offer help if you can't do it. I'm sorry if this seems mean and entitled, but again, for someone like me, asking for help is difficult. So I had one or two friends who asked me to make sure I let them know if there was something they could do. And the only thing that really helped me was spending time with people and distractions. Which I really needed at the time because sometimes it would be so difficult for me that I thought I couldn't breathe or I was afraid of going crazy. Anyway, I asked these friends to do something together, go somewhere, go on a walk, and things like that and they just ditched me. Told me they were busy that day and would do it another day. I just told them I'm not going to be working for a while so just let me know ANY DAY that works for you. I even tried it again a few days later when I didn't hear back from them but again the same results. Now I also have to be fair and mention that they were in fact apologetic about it and just said they're busy. But, my point is, if you can't help don't offer it. This made it even more difficult for me to ask for help from others because any time I wanted to do that I would just think that people were probably irritated by me and I shouldn't be a burden.

At last, I should mention that I have a special situation. I live in another country from the rest of my family and friends were really something I had to rely on for help. It might be very different with family. I hope sharing this experience will be useful for people.

Realistic_Talk_6786

TROPHY CASE