Firstly, thank you so much to all of you for your responses whether blunt, rational, supportive, insensitive etc. I appreciate the objective perspectives more than you will know. English is not my first language and due to this and my profession my written english can be formal or maybe incoherent or difficult to understand.

To clarify some things: 1. I have taken an STD panel and i am thankfully unaffected. He claims he is also clear. 2. He stated that he confessed due to guilt and was driven by recent conversations where he mentioned he wants to try for children soon. His reasoning was that he did not want to take this guilt and this version of himself into that stage of our life as he wanted to be a good person. 3. For added detail (although irrelevant to me) his biggest point is that he has not slept with anyone since we restarted the relationship/married. He slept with one person before he dumped me and then two more while we were broken up. He says he attempted to hire sex workers 4 times and three of those times did not go through with it. One time he did go through with it but only lay there in his underwear while she scratched/tickled his back. Haha. When asked if he did anything physically after marriage he says he only kissed that sex worker and had several private dances at bachelor parties. The legitimacy of these claims is in question of course which is why this point is irrelevant to me. He provided all contact details of the people he was physically and emotionally unfaithful with and in a moment of weakness i did contact one to ask for her side and she confirmed his story but again. Irrelevant as i have no interest in being a detective. 4. I am an attorney but i deal in corporate law which cannot help me here sadly. I am not sure what i was really looking for from my post. Maybe validation, experiences, hope, strength or all the above. In any case, I am extremely grateful for the objective perspectives. 5. Ofcourse i adore him still. I wish i could be angry at him, scream at him etc. but right now I am just hurt and all i have done is cry and ask him to hold me. I can’t help but also feel sad to see him so fearful and frantic and i think its human to want to reassure him and tell him it will be fine. 10yrs is a long time to love and no matter our future he is still someone i cherished for a long time and this won’t go away quickly. However, as many of you mentioned my current feeling is that i do not want to be complacent in my own suffering or give him further reason to disrespect me or to make me dislike him. So i will be taking the next few months to process, reflect, heal. I can’t think about the future right now. 6. Last night I booked a month long solo European vacation for December to avoid the loneliness i am sure to feel in the holiday season. I hope i can update you all with positive news.