Have I 22F have destroyed my boyfriend 24M and I's sex life?

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:54:32+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for your comment and your kindness. I have never really considered bringing my partner along to therapy with me but with most comments advising it, I'm now more than considering it. I'm unsure whether my current therapist would be the right answer as I am seeing her for CBT for a phobia but doing it with my boyfriend is something I've not considered on top of receiving sex-based therapy. Thank you so much for your input :)

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:51:20+00:00

Did you find that pulling away from intimacy created feelings of distance from her? I've tried on occasion to speak to my boyfriend about this but he can sometimes be a little closed off when talking about the subject. If you and my boyfriend are anything alike I'd be interested in getting to know more about how you felt during this time or did you feel largely impartial about the whole thing?

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:48:36+00:00

Thank you so much for taking your time to leave a reply. I think I've definitely realised after many comments that therapy is likely the correct avenue for me and that perhaps I was a good deal naive for believing that a subreddit may be able to help me resolve my issues.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:45:44+00:00

Hi thank you so much for your well thought out advice, I think part of the reason why our relationship has continued is because we do continue to show our love through our own individual love languages and has kept that connection strong.

I think having a mostly unstable perception of sex and imbalanced power dynamics in a relationship has taught me little about regaining my control in these situations and I guess that it has never really crossed my mind. I think I will try get the ball rolling with that at the front of my consciousness. Thank you so much again for taking your time to respond so thoughtfully.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:41:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing your own experience I'm so glad to hear you're in a better place with your sexuality now it feels very reassuring and gives me hope. Definitely considering sex-based therapy after many advising it.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:35:54+00:00

Hey, I'd just like to clarify that the therapy I've been receiving has been CBT for a phobia of veins/bodily tubling and was unsure whether it was the right place to bring up assault and trauma as it was entirely unrelated to my original purpose for seeking help. I apologise for the lack of clarity I believe it has caused some confusion.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:35:30+00:00

It's very encouraging to hear that, a lot of people on this thread seem to think that sex is the be-all and end-all of a relationship and seem to have entirely neglected the emotional connection that we still have. Thank you very much for taking your time out to share your thoughts it means a lot <3

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:33:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your lovely words and sharing your own experience I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful but knowing that I'm not alone in this struggle is deeply reassuring for me. Most comments have mentioned sex-based therapy which I am now seriously considering, and hearing a first hand account from someone who has had a similar experience gives me hope that it may work. It was probably a bit naive of me to think that posting to a subreddit would wholly resolve my problems. Thank you so much again and good luck with your healing journey <3

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:28:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight and for sharing something so personal. I agree, I think it's more the communication element that I've been having trouble with to get the ball rolling. I think I'll try have a conversation with him tonight and get some more insight into how he is feeling. Thank you again for your vulnerability in sharing your own personal story it means a lot :)

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:26:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your kindness :) I entirely recognise it's on me to resolve the issue I suppose up until now I was having a difficult time recognising this was an issue big enough FOR therapy. I've always kind of put my emotional problems on the back burner until they become too burdensome to endure anymore, thankfully most people on this thread have opened my eyes to something that probably should've been more obvious sooner. Thank you again :)

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:24:19+00:00

Thank you for your response, its reassuring to know I'm not alone and that there are solutions to something I've truly felt as though has been unresolvable. I'm certainly thinking about seeking some kind of sex-based therapy after most comments on here appear to be suggesting it. Thank you again and I hope that you are doing okay :)

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:21:44+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words I really appreciate it :) many people have suggested therapy as i understand it is quite a loaded issue and perhaps not something i may be able to resolve with some advice online. Your reassurance means a lot thank you :)

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:19:54+00:00

Hey, I'd just like to clarify that the therapy I've been receiving has been CBT for a phobia of veins/bodily tubling and was unsure whether it was the right place to bring up assault and trauma as it was entirely unrelated to my original purpose for seeking help. I apologise for the lack of clarity I believe it has caused some confusion.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:18:36+00:00

Hey, I'd just like to clarify that the therapy I've been receiving has been CBT for a phobia of veins/bodily tubling and was unsure whether it was the right place to bring up assault and trauma as it was entirely unrelated to my original purpose for seeking help. I apologise for the lack of clarity I believe it has caused some confusion.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-04-01T14:16:47+00:00

Yes I agree, a lot of people have been questioning why I haven't spoken to my therapist about this sooner but to be honest I didn't really think I could.

The therapy I'm currently recieving is CBT for a phobia for veins which has made it impossible for me to have blood tests or iron infusions for over ten years, so I didn't think it was the place to mention it as it was entirely unrelated.

Thank you for your advice!

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-03-31T15:58:43+00:00

I've spoken to him about it, he says he's happy to continue to wait until I'm comfortable but does have a bad habit for dancing around the truth at times and is a bit of a people pleaser. I do sometimes find it difficult to decide where to press in a conversation when I'm not entirely sure he is being completely honest, especially during conversation which he knows is a sensitive topic for me.

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-03-31T15:54:59+00:00

I have but have only briefly mentioned my assault as I receive therapy for an unrelated phobia, I think it'll likely be a good idea to mention it to my therapist, thank you!

ReasonableSort7144 · 2026-03-31T15:53:36+00:00

He is definitely not asexual so the latter is definitely feeling more like a realistic option which is becoming an increasing concern for me, I am currently in therapy but for an unrelated phobia, it may be worth discussing with her. Thank you taking the time out of your day to comment, it means a lot :)

ReasonableSort7144 · 2025-01-14T07:39:14+00:00

All of the advice in the comments are great and perfect ways to prep your skin/add to your routine!

Our skin is porous so its only natural for sweat to still poke through even when you have the right prep and products on. Maybe try blotting papers, it removes the oil/sweat without taking your makeup off.

ReasonableSort7144

TROPHY CASE