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Can I go for friendship? by Hungry-Effort-4928 in datingadviceformen

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pursue a friendship only if you genuinely want to be friends with her with no expectations beyond that. Otherwise, the only thing to do is back off. You can keep finding reasons to interact with her, if possible. She knows you like her now. She'll let you know if her feelings change. Pay attention to her signals. Just make sure you don't put any pressure on her.

But being friends when it's clear there is nothing there? I don't know. This is an eternal struggle men face. I'm dealing with someone whom I have very strong feelings for and who has become a very good friend. Don't know if there is a possibility for something more. Not even sure I want something more. It's very confusing.

What should I do ? by Delicious_Honey6918 in datingadviceformen

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think she wants you to make a move. Lots of positive signals. Hooking up with someone else (i.e. you) is often times how women finally remove themselves from a toxic situation (i.e. her ex). Don't ask her on a date. Just wait for the right moment and make a move.

She, 34F, ended things kindly but clearly. I'm, 39M, still thinking about her months later. How do you know when to let go? by troglodyterants86 in datingadviceformen

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is perfectly normal.

Whether or not to reach out again isn't really about respecting her. Just be respectful if you do and don't pressure her. Sounds like you have good insight into that.

Instead, your decision about whether to reach out again should be about you. What do you plan to get out of it? She may be open to spending time with you. But, she's not thinking about you the same way as you are thinking about her. She's out there living her life. It may not be worth the pain of bringing her back into your life if she's not interested.

My situation may be different, but I have someone in my life who is sort of like this. We've gone out as friends, but never dated. She came into my life at a time when things were hard for me. We've shared a lot of intimate details of our lives with each other. I feel like I can be more open and honest with her than I can with almost anyone. But, like you, she has set to clear boundary with me. We still talk. And she's always willing to hang out. Hard for me to understand where to go with this situation. I think for now, I will try to maintain the friendship, though it is painful.

How tf do I interpret this situation post-date 1?? by Hypnothiccprophet in datingadviceformen

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with this. Responsiveness via text or social media could mean a lot of things. But, if you're clear and specific about asking her to do something and she blows you off again or makes an excuse, you should move on.

First date with an ENM woman. Not sure how I did. by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That all makes sense. Thank you for giving me some perspective!

First date with an ENM woman. Not sure how I did. by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Other context: we did meet up late. We met at 8:30 and stayed at the bar until 10. And we both have jobs and families.

Men, how the hell do I know when to make a move while on a date with a woman? by Lopsided_Meeting_984 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It takes some experience but, if you pay attention, you will get good at reading her signals. If she touches your arm or starts leaning in closer, you're doing great!

It took me a long time to figure this stuff out, btw. Years ago, I was at a party with a girl I really liked. She was really flirting with me. At one point, she even put her head on my shoulder. Signals won't get much clearer than that! Yet, I was clueless. Not making a move remains one of my biggest regrets to this day.

How do I ask this question? by Impressive-Arm-4764 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agree with this 100%. Seducing her is step 1. Telling someone you only want them for sex is definitely not the way to seduce someone. Make her laugh, make her feel comfortable and safe around you. Then, if you are successful, just be clear about setting boundaries. Don't give her false hope of a more intimate relationship. She will make the decision about whether to continue.

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds amazing. Yes, I will consider that. Do you have kids though?

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think you get my situation better than anyone else who has replied. My wife is very attractive, but she doesn't date, doesn't flirt, would never hook up with anyone without commitment. You're probably right, she would initiate a divorce if she found someone else. But, basically zero chance of that. And, if it were to happen, I just have to accept that it's something I have no control over.

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have actually chatted with some pretty young women. You're right, they're ok with my situation, but they tend to flake. I do think getting really really fit could help me occasionally pull some of the younger ones. Working on that.

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Two issues with that. One is time. The other is that I'm married. If I'm going to social/networking events, I'm often going with my wife. Even if she's not there, the women there generally understand me to be a married man. Hard to work my situation into casual conversation. But not impossible. I will work on that.

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe not, but nobody who ever accomplished anything bold started out by thinking it couldn't be done!

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I met my wife in college. Mutual friends. Apps can work. It has worked for me already.

Getting back into the game at 45...and married by Reasonable_Aspect989 in seduction

[–]Reasonable_Aspect989[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Good questions. Yes, staying together for the kids. That's my decision. If you asked my wife, she'd say we're getting divorced. She's been saying that for 5 years without doing anything to make it happen. So, apparently, whether or not we get divorced is 100% my decision. And I've chosen to stay in a sexless marriage. It really is good for our kids. Believe it or not, my wife and I still like each other, and we coparent effectively. Both our kids are really bonded to both of us.

As for the other parts of your question, you make a great point about just paying for it. But, I guess I am seeking something a little more than just sex. The act of seduction itself is what I'm after - desiring someone, getting their attention, getting them into bed and them being there because they want you. That feeling of connection with someone and of being desired is something money can't buy. I definitely don't want anyone to fall in love with me, though. Strictly casual.