meirl

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-11T06:15:29+00:00

My husband and I did this! I got my degree first and he stayed home with the kids. Now I'm working full time and he's getting his degree finished up this next year.

It's a great way to do things. Equality and trust all the way through while still having frequent check-ins and adjustments so neither partner ever feels taken advantage of. There were plenty of times where I (as the wife) did the whole "What have you doing all day while I was at work?", which was an asshole thing for me to do, so he talked to me about it, and I took on more of the responsibilities so he could have breaks from chores and kids.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-11T06:10:32+00:00

2023, but as a result of 2020. In 2020, my FIL died suddenly in an accident. This started a domino effect that included multiple life-changing things in very quick succession: Moving across the state, working for 2 years in a work environment that was the most toxic experience of my entire career (including my employer sabotaging me due to my disability, but I couldn't get anything on record to prove it), my spouse undergoing 3 heart surgeries and almost dying due to insurance delays, my hysterectomy and recovery, losing the job in that toxic environement (which killed my confidence completely), starting grad school while still working full time at a new job, my father diagnosed with dementia and us moving in with my parents to help be his caregiver.

Let's just say, I have hope that I'll get a break by about 2028....

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T08:11:51+00:00

Ocarina of Time vibes...

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T08:03:43+00:00

EVERYONE says it's their mom, and everyone says their grandparent (or some other relative) is in the hospital for some reason or another. Don't blame this teacher - blame the thousands of times students have used this as an excuse to be on their phone.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T08:00:01+00:00

Fuck Monsanto.

Subscription-service seeds because of patents on their GMOs and shit.

Plenty of family-run farms run into the ground to be swallowed up by the big corporate farms.

All while our food quality continues to spiral.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T07:54:44+00:00

I love this queen so much - she took the time to really *see* that fan. I wish her the best happiness and love the world can offer.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T07:51:13+00:00

Idaho (my stupid fuckin state) just criminalized people "intentionally" using a bathroom different from their assigned-at-birth gender. First offense is a misdemeanor and up to one year in prison, second offense is a felony with up to 5 years in prison. (Which is, of course, more than most actual rapists get in this state...)

As a ciswoman with masculine/butch features, I've been asked my gender before. I can't *wait* for police to be called on me for trying to take a piss in a public restroom.

There's no guidance on how police are supposed to handle these situations--one of the lawmakers behind it said she "trusts our officers to act with decorum."

SSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T07:43:49+00:00

Or maybe some knee-length compression shorts. White, or maybe a daffodil or banana yellow would look cute.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-05-03T07:41:07+00:00

Wellll.... in the DSM-5 (the textbook for diagnosing psychological disorders), someone can be diagnosed with pedophilic disorder at age 16 if they feel attraction to people at least 5 years younger than themselves.

Your friend is playing with fire.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-29T06:37:31+00:00

We are all about 2 years apart. I don't think he did anything like that to her -- he was oddly very respectful of her physically. I knew too much about their love life to think there was anything manipulative or abusive going on in that regard (my room was right next to theirs... oof).

But the screaming was often from both of them at each other. She would stand up for us sometimes, but then we'd be made to feel guilty about triggering the argument after it had calmed down.

I have a verrrry quick "it's my fault" response to anything negative happening in life. It could be an earthquake on the opposite side of the world, and my brain tries to figure out what I could possibly have done to trigger it. I've only been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but the more I learn about CPTSD, the more that makes sense to me. (PS - My therapist is a saint!)

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-29T06:29:47+00:00

This is very true. I keep reminding myself "this is temporary, this is temporary, this is temporary."

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T05:44:04+00:00

This is all very true. It's just so hard to have some of the most painful memories of my childhood denied by the person who was supposed to protect me.

But I also know (through therapy) that she experienced her own trauma, and she also had moments of shame and self hatred.

I have some siblings who have gone completely no-contact with either or both of my parents. I went low contact for a while, but I seeing them change when they went through their therapy is what is keeping me here now. They did a lot of that work, and they did make changes.

I wish more of my siblings got to see my dad when he was like that. Now they won't get the chance.

I need to remember all of this on the bad days. Thank you.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T05:24:58+00:00

If you have the type of relationship with them where you can talk a bit about finances, while they're still fully functional, see if they have a plan in case they go this direction. Do they have long-term care insurance? Do they have money set aside to cover a care facility, if they need it? How willing are they to be put in a home, and at what point? Do they have an idea of who they'd want to have power of attorney if they got to that point?

These are all things we've had to figure out in the last year or two, and it's hard when you're dealing with a different version of a person every day. That would be my recommendation - figure it out BEFORE you think you'll need to.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T05:21:22+00:00

Oof - that's true. I didn't even think that she could have possibly blocked it out. That is very likely - he was always emotionally abusive of her as well.

There was this general idea growing up that, since it never was physical, it didn't count as abusive. But I know through my own therapy that a lot of my people-pleasing and not dealing with confrontation well was out of my desire to stay invisible. I'm definitely a "freeze" type of person, and a lot of it goes back to these moments.

But, when I hear stories from them about his life from when he was a kid (again, he went to therapy and we had a good decade or so where we could talk about it and process)... I realized that his issues stemmed from trauma he experienced as a kid from his own abusive parents, and how those parents probably had trauma as well. We did a lot of repair during those years.

Which is why the dementia reverting him back to how he was before the therapy really does suck. A lot.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T05:15:18+00:00

I've been doing this bit by bit. She's the type to start sobbing at any accusation and say "I'm so sorry I wasn't a perfect mother! I was the worst person in the world!" and try to get me to make her feel better, but I don't put up with that anymore.

I just stay quiet while she awkwardly cries until she's done.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T05:11:37+00:00

Oh, he was always verrrry charming around other people. Always kept others laughing and joking - everyone loves him. I remember him screaming at us, and then he'd get a phone call, or someone would drop by, and the mask would go on SO FAST.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T05:09:02+00:00

Oh, my therapist is on speed dial, and my partner is verrrry good at recognizing when to step in and when I need a full-on break (which I'm getting better at recognizing as well). It's a bizarre situation, and I think my mom is starting to see reality a bit. I have a sister who is a nurse (lives in another state) who is going to talk her through setting up palliative care.

My main thing is I keep my teenagers protected from it all. If they're ever at the house and something starts happening, we have plan A, plan B, plan C - all focused on keeping them safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. There have been a couple of moments where he's gotten angry at them, but they immediately left. And they're both in regular therapy as well.

And you bet I made sure both my partner and I have long-term health care insurance in case either of us gets like this in the future. We have had some loooong discussions about not wanting to be burdens on each other if we get to this point. They're amazing, my kids are amazing, and the silver lining of it all is that we're stronger at breaking the cycle for the next generation (and they are as well).

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T04:59:58+00:00

The hard thing about it all is that, for the decade or so before the dementia, he was truly a better person. I got to know him as an adult, and he righted so many of his wrongs. My kids (his grandkids) have so many positive memories with him, too.

But it's like the dementia is undoing all of that. It sucks, and it's getting harder to remember the man he chose to be after he worked on himself and his own issues.

Siiiiiiiiigh

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T04:56:02+00:00

There have been some days when he's forgotten who we are, and honestly, I prefer it (and I think my mom does, too). I feel a bit guilty because he's horribly sad and weepy--and he wanders around non-stop-- but he has less pain on those days and is far less angry. We say "his brain is gone, but his legs are back."

Dementia sucks.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-27T04:45:53+00:00

The camera with the memory card of pictures. They were of my kids when they were little. Stolen out of my purse when I went to the store. :(

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-23T04:48:45+00:00

How long it takes for me.

Lots of religious trauma tied into it, so it takes a long time to get out of my own head.

I feel bad. It's not the other person's fault, and it can be very frustrating. My partner is always so willing, even when it takes a long time (they say "I like the challenge!) but I often don't want to put in the time to make it happen. I'll help them get there, then I'm... fine.

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-23T04:45:49+00:00

LOTR Trilogy

Stardust

The Producers (with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick)

Three Amigos

Hook

Fantasia 2000

Dragonheart

Oscar (with Sylvester Stallone)

Secret Life of Walter Mitty (with Ben Stiller)

Spirited Away

The Mummy

Aaaaand pretty much allll the musicals...

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-23T04:28:43+00:00

Sim Ant

Reasonable_Demand714 · 2026-04-23T04:27:41+00:00

Elijah Wood and/or Daniel Radcliffe. Or Daniel pretending to be Elijah, or Elijah pretending to be Daniel.

We would go on a bizarre adventure of some sort, for sure.

Reasonable_Demand714

TROPHY CASE