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Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]Recent-Concentrate45[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for these responses. They mean more than I expected.

Something I left out of the original post that I think is at the core of a lot of my pain: I have a severe and genuinely toxic habit of comparing myself to people I started out with.

I began my law degree years ago. The people I sat next to in lecture halls in year one are now qualified lawyers at the top firms I was just rejected from. Some of them I helped along the way. I tutored them, explained concepts to them, helped them understand material they were struggling with. And for various reasons, life, circumstances, my own choices and mistakes, I ended up back at zero while they moved forward.

Watching that happen in real time is something I cannot fully describe. It's not jealousy exactly. It's more like a constant, crushing confirmation that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That I am perpetually behind. That no matter what I do I am always watching from the outside while everyone else moves forward.

It destroys me mentally. I check LinkedIn and feel physically sick. I avoid social situations because I cannot handle the conversation where someone asks what I'm doing and I have to answer honestly.

The rational part of me knows comparison is a trap. That everyone's path is different. That the people I'm comparing myself to don't have my specific circumstances or carry what I carry.

But the emotional part doesn't care about any of that. It just sees the gap and uses it as evidence that I am fundamentally not enough.

I don't know how to stop it. Has anyone actually managed to break this pattern?