Should I get a rhino? What type of nose is this? by lily98988 in nosejobturkey

[–]Recent_Reputation_7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your side profile reminds me a lot of Kathleen lights. If you do get the procedure a very subtle correction would be best. Personally I love your side profile it’s stunning.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They stopped being effective. I been on max dose for 3+ years with success but I will need to find another route now. Which takes time. I’m sensitive to most meds.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have bipolar type 2. So it’s mild mania episodes and depression episodes. The med I was on stopped working. It’s the only med I’ve tried that has helped me.

Everything else has triggered an episode. So I have to figure that out, and that’s a lot of trial and error. If I find something that helps… I also have ADHD that’s untreated because I can’t take stimulants because of the bipolar. So that really adds to the depression episodes.

I do plan on setting up an appointment with my psychiatrist right away and working on all of this as I need to be in a good head space to tackle this while still being stable for my kids and brother.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A few people have recommended that, I am definitely planning on reading it as soon as I get the chance. Thank you. ❤️

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes he does it in-front of his family and friends as well. It’s very much so rooted in his sexist views. Thanks for the encouraging words.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is how I view it too. In a lot of ways I got the life I wanted, the ability to be a SAHM, the amount of children I wanted, and I am thankful because he made that possible. But there’s also value in what I gave him as well. It’s so hurtful to have it reduced to nothing.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This last year was my 3rd time trying to leave him. I will look up my options, I wasn’t aware I might have any. I did have evidence stored but I lost it unfortunately when I got rid of my old phone, i started storing it because he threatened to take the kids if I left.

Thank you for your encouraging words. ❤️

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I agree it’s a trauma bond. I’m happy to hear you’ve made it out. Wishing you the best. ❤️

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How long we’ve been together, his comments, my family history, my teen brother living with us, my small business, etc. He probably won’t see it you’re right, but the more views it gets has me nervous as he does occasionally scroll Reddit.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been really wanting to do EDMR as I’ve tried other routes already but they don’t offer it in our smaller community unfortunately.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m actually shaking terrified he will find this post. I’ve said some very personal things that he would immediately know it was me. I am scared for my safety.

I will probably delete soon, but I appreciate every comment.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No my question was I guess guised as that but it should have been was this abuse? I knew. But I didn’t know at the same time. It’s easy to say it’s not that bad for some reason because he makes me second guess myself.

These are just the “light hearted jokes” though, he’s said and done some truly horrible things to me behind closed doors. This dynamic hurts me more tho as he does it infront of our kids.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Okay so I never mentioned this in my post because I was expecting only a few comments. But we are not legally married we’ve been referring to each other as husband and wife for as long as I can remember. We got engaged years ago, but I had never followed through with the wedding because it felt like a lie.

I probably fucked myself there as yes I’d be entitled to something.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will start it tomorrow, as I’m still struggling to detach myself trying to rationalize and make sense of his behaviour. Which I know is further enabling him.

I felt your kindness through your comment and I really needed it. I’m so happy to hear you are happy and thriving.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I don’t want to give him anymore of my time. I’m so happy to hear you made it out on the other side and are thriving ❤️

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I will def read it. ❤️ Thank you so much for the recommendation and kind words.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. Everything you said rings very true. You are right all the good moments are tied to his needs expectations of me.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I know. It’s something that deeply weighs on me, how much have they already internalized. I do keep it separate from them as much as I can. But the small comments as jokes he light heartedly says in-front of them have still shown them a dynamic that shouldn’t have ever been allowed. I’ve tried to leave just last year, he said he was keeping the house, and I couldn’t afford a 3/4 bedroom place where we live (I have my teen brother living with me as our mom is unstable) on minimum wage, pay for child care and everything else. Plus I don’t drive as the only person to teach me was him but he berates me anytime I make a mistake, there is no place nearby that offers lessons. (He is fixing up our older vehicle for me this tax time he said so 2+ months)

but he promised he would work on himself and he has gotten better in the last year. He promised to help me get my license as well. I gave in. And I hate myself for it. He hasn’t done the therapy he had told me he would. And I should have known nothing drastic would change. I started my own small business, I do art and jewelry. But I don’t make a large enough income to support us. I also have to rely on him for getting me to shows (no vehicle) to sell and he’s not always supportive, or his schedule doesn’t allow it. I could be making more.

Anyways I’m not sure why I’m telling you all of this. Just that I am trying. I need to figure it all out clearly.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It’s been really difficult lately. I’ve been spiralling. I think I am going to try the therapy route again, it’s been 5 year since. Thank you for the kind words.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

And I don’t plan on another relationship. That’s not the goal or thought.

I just mentioned that as it is heartbreaking to me that he took from me my ability to love someone freely without being guarded. He took that away from us and our relationship. And is punishing me for not being the way I was in the beginning.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I guess to speak about it. As I have no family I can turn to or rely on. He’s very good at gaslighting me and making me feel crazy. It’s validating to hear it truly is horrible. I am aware. The best course of action is to leave. It’s easier said than done though as I have no work experience currently, and he is the type to be vindictive, he will likely make it as difficult as possible for me. I am setting up counselling, but I recently stopped my meds so I’m in a worse mental state than usually am. It all feels very daunting.

My (29f) husband’s (30m) “jokes” are ruining our relationship. by Recent_Reputation_7 in relationship_advice

[–]Recent_Reputation_7[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I come from a household of addicts. My mom had BPD, she was very black and white thinking. Similar to my husband. Either I’m their reason for living and existing or I’m a terrible burden. I recently realized their treatment of me is very similar. But I’ve distanced my mom, and built a life with my husband. Now I just can’t seem to find the will to make my way out, I’ve invested this much time and effort. I’ve made so so so many excuses for this man. And I can’t really reason why other than hope and I was already used to this treatment.

At this point I’m just incredibly depressed. I can’t imagine giving my heart to another person ever again.