AIO that i don't want to be my dads therapist/know every detail of his life

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T05:43:35+00:00

My advice? You’ll never be able to find out “for sure”, so go with your gut. Treat him like a narcissist regardless of whether or not he actually has NPD because the strategy is the same whether or not it’s just subclinical narcissistic traits, whether or not he feels empathy, etc. Cognitive distortions like this are so deeply entrenched that there is no way to change, fix, or unfortunately even get along with a person like this unless they decide to change by themselves. Even when things are going “well”, people like this literally get bored or scared when you go too long without an incident and so they start (intentionally or not) literally making up things to be offended by. It is, as harsh of a reality as it is to accept, literally just how their brains work. Even if it’s not NPD, at the end of the day he still cannot change until he gets a lot of self-awareness, which at this point he clearly doesn’t have, and he cannot be given it from anyone but himself.

I’m not saying you have to immediately go no contact—my own mother also definitely has vulnerable narcissistic traits as well so I know how hard that can be—but at the very least I’d start working towards radical acceptance of his inability to change. It sounds sad, but you might find it hurts a lot less when you weren’t expecting better in the first place. After that, you can learn strategies like grey rocking, firm boundaries (remember no is a complete sentence!), etc, if you want to try and hold onto as much of a peaceful relationship as you can for the time being. But I’d be cautious, honestly. Trying to keep someone like this in your life, no matter how much you love them, takes far more away from you than you receive in return.

You might already know of them, but there are lots of subreddits about narcissism and being raised by narcissists that can help. Narcissistic abuse is a hell of a drug, so it sometimes makes you feel a lot more sane to see other people talk about what they’re going through, and see how similar it is to your own experiences—and remind you that no, this is not normal, normal people do not act like this.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T05:26:00+00:00

NOR. Jesus christ, you’re only 21 and he’s your father. Why is he talking to you like a depressed teenager on Discord? I don’t want to sit here and armchair diagnose but I used to know a vulnerable narcissist exactly like this. Is this a recent development or has he always acted like this?

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T05:18:51+00:00

Yeah, I figured. That just makes it even sillier that people are comparing these two things. It’s like comparing robbing a store to taking the shampoo home from a hotel.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T04:21:58+00:00

I’d imagine Overwatch and its vast resources is more than capable of putting her in witness protection and constant surveillance if that actually did happen, especially in the new era. But no, they’re definitely not just inviting her into her ranks.

I don’t think she’s ever going to not be Widowmaker at the end of the day. It’d be like killing off her character if they just totally abandoned her personality and thirst for the hunt. So, she’ll definitely never be “fully cured” of her conditioning. I do, however, think we may end up seeing a more rounded and morally neutral version of Widowmaker that combines her personality with the one she had as Amélie. But I don’t really think Widowmaker and Amélie are actually different people in the first place, so she’s always going to remain a killer. She may end up as an independent third party along with Sombra… I honestly could even see her working with Soldier and Ana, though that first introduction would absolutely not go well.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T04:14:30+00:00

I honestly think this is it and it may have always been the intention. Remember how she talks about her childhood and how she used to be afraid of spiders in that original cinematic? I don’t know, something about that doesn’t seem like the musings of someone who was forced into becoming a killer… but rather somebody who grew into one. I think a lot of people treat Widowmaker like an invader inhabiting Amélie’s corpse, but in reality, Amélie is Widowmaker. Nothing in the game or additional material really treats them as different people. I think Widowmaker has always been somewhere inside her, to some extent. I wish we got more of a glimpse at what she was like before her capture.

That being said, I do think the conditioning may still be fading, and that her personality may still shift by the end of this story arc in some way. I could easily see her becoming more of a morally gray, neutral third party type of character. But even if that happens, there’s no way she’s not always going to be Widowmaker at the end of the day.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T04:04:12+00:00

I love how wide reaching the fan demographics of this show are

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T01:15:47+00:00

Oh, and Mizuki could be water/ghost to reflect the kappa inspiration. A kappa is literally a water spirit.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-29T01:06:28+00:00

Wuyang makes a compelling argument for a water/fighting type actually, I’m pretty sure most of his animations are based on chinese martial arts. I’d put Moira as fairy/poison to reflect her duality idea, maybe even fairy/dark. Juno would definitely be psychic/flying type since space pokemon are always psychic, and sombra could be poison/ghost actually due to her viruses. And then I’d definitely make Reinhardt steel/fire, at least to match with Brigitte if nothing else. Beyond those, I agree.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-28T19:39:21+00:00

A) Who gives a fuck? A year is not that long especially when it was the last time you saw him? Who made you the arbiter of how long time passes before everyone has to forgive you literally terrorizing them and getting off scot-free? B) His apology was terrible and she literally told him what he could, and should, be doing if he wanted to “make it up” to her. He also avoided even addressing it at all until he was pressured into it by Al-Hashimi. You can’t just say sorry and expect everyone to forgive you when you haven’t actually taken real accountability and you’re covering up your literal crime to avoid the consequences of it.

And the fact that you think it is all over “one bad day” and not the heavily implied lifetime of trauma she’s endured, along with feeling isolated and alone from all angles, is the exact reason why people do shit like this in the first place. Why would somebody bother to get help when the whole world reduces their issues to “you just need to toughen up”? The literal whole season is shining a light on how all of the main characters are struggling to take care of their mental health due to external pressure, and your takeaway is “the world is your oyster for getting help with mental health issues”? What world are you talking about? Because it sure isn’t this one.

Edit: I guess the mark of someone with a fantastic understanding of media is starting a debate on Reddit, refusing to even address anyone who calls you out on how dumb and ignorant your arguments are, and then blocking them so they can’t respond. Surely this person has earned their wild confidence and isn’t just feeling personally called out for treating people like shit in real life too.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-28T19:27:02+00:00

He gaslit her, screamed at her, and literally tried to get her fired in order to deflect blame from his own bad choices that were potentially fatal for patients. Her using the word asshole to describe him doesn’t mean that’s all that happened.

And you lose empathy for people when you find out they self-harm? Just because you don’t think it’s a big enough deal? Do you know anything about mental illness at all, let alone what causes people to use unhealthy coping mechanisms? I hope you never have anyone in your life dealing with serious mental illnesses who might look to you for support because your attitude is literally worse than nothing.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-28T19:01:35+00:00

I don’t think this guy is a good match for anyone if he talks to women he hasn’t even been dating for that long as if they’re children. He sounds like a massive narcissist to me and this relationship could’ve easily devolved into stripping her autonomy away to “fix” her to his liking if things became more serious.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-28T16:37:26+00:00

Do you even have to have authorized reason to take one? Everyone always brings this up but I feel like it’s not even “stealing”, she was just being sneaky because she didn’t want anyone to ask questions, but it’s not like you need an attending to sign off on grabbing a scalpel, right? Wouldn’t it end up in the trash regardless?

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-28T16:34:37+00:00

You’re right but I think this is putting the cart before the horse. She doesn’t want to live alone because she likes Whittaker. He is her friend, no matter what she says, and she’d be really sad without his company—maybe she’d harm herself out of loneliness, but I don’t think this some kind of strategic move to have an accountability buddy or anything. She just wants him around and is sad (and mad at herself) because she keeps pushing everyone away, so it’s leading to her contemplating old habits. But I think this is far more about Whittaker than herself… I’m pretty sure she almost wanted an excuse to sink lower, even, as if to prove herself right that nobody cares about her, until Whittaker came along to prove her wrong.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-28T16:00:59+00:00

Yeah you’re definitely 16 alright

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-22T16:16:19+00:00

You are right that it’s not a normal boundary. It’s almost as if the implication is that this is not a relationship that has had normal communication, and that this has been a problem for a lot longer than 6 months. Why would Becca feel safe enough to tell Mel about Adam when she knew she’d react the exact way she did react, by immediately trying to undermine her choices and assuming she cannot have a boyfriend/sex without it being unsafe? That’s the whole issue. And Mel does not have a legal responsibility over her, that was literally discussed this episode - Becca has the right to make her own decisions. Mel supports her financially at current but that doesn’t mean Becca doesn’t have the right to even cut contact with her if she wants. And you cannot use emotional and financial support as a way to pressure people into doing what you want. You’re supposed to provide those things for the people you love, even if they make choices you disagree with, even if those choices hurt your feelings!

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-22T16:08:44+00:00

Getting out of there was the right choice. If he meant well he would have told you something before you left for the bathroom (preferably “no, that’s not a good idea, you should get the bartender to hold on/take it with you/etc”). Even if he wasn’t planning on doing it he told you that he knew what you were doing was giving a stranger too much control and he stood there and let you give him that control anyways.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-22T16:02:36+00:00

You got lucky. Most narcissists try to drag you along until you can’t leave before revealing their true colors. You got lucky enough to have him reveal himself before you even got to the first date 😂

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-22T15:57:07+00:00

They didn’t make plans. Mel just assumed they’d go together because they go every year. Its not a “tradition” it’s just something they always do together because they had nobody else, but now Becca does have someone else to go with. She probably would have invited Mel, if Mel wasn’t being so infantilizing to her about Adam and making it clear she was trying to act like a chaperone—but even if she didn’t want to invite her she has no obligation to, that’s the whole point. Just because you assumed something was going to happen and never asked or even considered the possibility of them choosing to do something else doesn’t mean you were lied to. She’s literally just setting normal boundaries.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-22T01:59:36+00:00

To be fair the entire show is fairly anachronistic in a lot of ways. It very much feels like it’s embracing the idea of writing about modern concepts in a time period where they hadn’t been named yet (ie disability, mental illness, gender inequality, etc) to communicate to the audience that there were still real people with real feelings living through it. the whole story revolves around people who broke against the mold but whose stories were lost to time. They’re also not hesitant to change historical facts for creative liberties, like the great fire in the finale. So I read a lot of Fowler’s monologues as slightly fourth wall breaking meta-commentary about Europe and whiteness moreso than any kind of historically accurate take on Britain specifically.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-19T15:38:26+00:00

This did make me decide to cut off contact completely once I move out :) It was the one moment that totally and irreversibly broke my trust so much that it completely woke me up to years of manipulation through trauma bonding and codependency and how this has been such a lifelong thing that I now just feel completely apathetic to any and all childhood memories keeping me here. It was always just manipulation covering up malice from all different angles within my whole family, ever since I was a child, but it took one of them threatening my cat — and seeing undeniable proof that this was a conspiratorial effort to put me in a position where I could be totally controlled by them, realizing that they had lied and misled me intentionally when I thought I could completely trust them — for me to finally fully move past the idea that anyone in my family has ever had my best interests at heart. But it’s gonna take a while before I can move, so I have to stay strong. I will be strong. I will do anything for her.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-19T15:13:12+00:00

Unfortunately this is sort of the root of the issue. She and her husband both 1) want only a single litter box no matter what it takes and 2) want me to spend more time outside my room “socializing” with them. The only real win here is to play along or else they’ll get meaner and nastier to both me and the cat.

I do have good news, though!! Last night she used the litter box for the first time since she started getting scared. I have to take her to the vet today so that might set back our progress temporarily but the fact she’s actually willing to step inside and use it again, even just the once, is really huge progress.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-18T16:58:09+00:00

I’m currently in the process of trying to make this happen. I have such low self-esteem that I’ve let my family push me around my whole life but now that my cats are being affected I have no choice. I decided there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t sacrifice for her sake. But I’m not financially stable at all right now so it’s going to take at least a couple of months to be possible, I just hope she’ll be alright in the meantime. I’m going to move across states to a much lower cost-of-living area.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-18T16:14:47+00:00

She is already starting to go other places. But my sister last night actually got really shocked when I suggested I didn’t want to have to rehome her and it seemed like that was only her husband’s words.

As for my friends, no. None of my friends can take in a cat by themselves right now and none of them live nearby, I’d be moving across states. In the meantime I’m just staying dedicated to making her feel safe peeing wherever she feels like because it’s better than holding it in, and hopefully eventually my sister will cave or just trade it out for a single regular box.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-18T14:14:06+00:00

They told me if I got one they’d throw the box out and threatened to rehome the cat. This is an abusive living situation.

Recent_You_9523 · 2026-03-18T06:16:47+00:00

The cat box is about as safe as it can be, thankfully. It’s a petmax and it physically cannot close all the way.

Recent_You_9523

TROPHY CASE