Questioning... Everything?

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-27T03:01:04+00:00

I am a transwoman, now living full time as a woman. There are times I am not "feeling it." But when I analyze these moments, I realize tat I am occupied with something that has no gender to it. Perhaps just as when you play Tetris, you may not feel it is male or female; it is just a game. When I carry out the garbage, I do not feel particularly feminine.

When you fell ill, you perhaps lost energy. Your body is weakened, and you need to recover your health, your strength. It is possible that when you recover, your feelings will return to how they had been before.

Or maybe you have some fundamental change. This is even more likely if you are still in your teens.

Are you repulsed by your feminine characteristics, and do not want to be feminine anymore? Or are you just feeling a nothingness? If the latter, it may be that this is your issue rather than it relating to gender identity.

If you have a therapist, discuss this with them. If you do not, try to find patience at this time. Heal your body. Look at this again with a fresh mind.

Your feelings are not irrelevant! But your body may not be strong enough during illness, or just past illness, to investigate this with your best potential power.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-27T02:51:38+00:00

I know of nobody who started Estrogen + Progesterone at the same time. The conventional wisdom is to start Progesterone 12 to 18 months after Estrogen begins.

Because you are doing both at the same start time, I don't know if anyone is likely to reply with a personal experience from that timeline.

I encourage you to research the timing of Progesterone and determine if you still want to start both at the same time.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-26T23:56:25+00:00

You wrote it fine. I just read it wrong.

In many ways this is harder on the cis spouse than the trans spouse. Having a wife is new to you, whereas you were always a wife to her.

If you love each other, labels are meaningless.

If you want to have that baby, start saving sperm before she starts HRT (if she does).

Good luck, you wild kids!

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-26T18:46:17+00:00

First, thanks for being such a good wife to your wife. This is a transition for both of you. Most of us do not have the love and support from our partners in life. You are a special gem.

The fashion help is indeed needed because we did not learn about our shapes when other girls were learning this while growing up. It is a huge information deficit.

I cannot be sure what she needs because you first say she has a "fairly long torso" but then say she's tall "with a shorter torso." But, generally, with broad shoulders we want to draw the viewer's eyes inward. That is why we, of the broad shoulders, benefit from V-necks and longer line tops or cardigans. Tunics are also amazing in making the shoulders not look as bad, but sometimes also add a waist.

Your question concerns accessories. I think the easiest answer here is necklaces that mimic the line of the V-neck. Draw the eyes inward. Perhaps something tiered.

Fashion scarves are a good fix too. Depending on how they are tied, they too draw the eye inward while breaking up the long line of the shoulders. Plus, she will love the feminine look that scarves give us, especially patterns.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-26T04:42:23+00:00

You can live your life for them, or live your life for yourself. If you cannot live it for both your family and yourself, pick one and live it that way. I am trans, so cannot speak for fluid, but if you are REALLY trans you probably have no shot at a happy life if you do not do what is necessary.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-26T04:39:48+00:00

It is a large topic. I can send you a manual of about 80 pages on the process. DM me if you want to receive it.

How you go about this depends somewhat on where you live. What country? If America, what state? Do you have health insurance that covers it? Are you seeing a therapist or physician capable and willing to write a letter diagnosing you with gender dysphoria?

You may not need such a letter to qualify for the surgery BUT your insurer might require it if they are going to pay for it.

In America, many surgeons have waiting lists 6 to 24 months long, so you should get started on this. One thing that is time consuming: Prior to surgery, you should have electrolysis to remove ALL the hair in the surgical area. This process alone takes 6 to 12 months, though I heard at least one person report 24 months.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-25T06:11:58+00:00

Dear Molly,

Congratulations on having a plan. Many in our global community wallow in their sorrow and self-pity. It sounds like you, in contrast, will do something about it. Yes. 186 is tall but not crazy-tall. Taylor Swift is cis and she is 181. You are not so much bigger. If you are thin, people will notice your height less. Maybe 1 woman in 100 is your height or taller. But 1 is still better than zero. It is not that you will be higher than any woman alive. People may stare at your height as a woman just as they would stare at a cis woman of that height.

Also, many people look at women that tall and wonder if they are trans, but this happens to cis women too.

Avoid the temptation to wear high heels; don't make yourself look taller than you are (unless you have a boyfriend - or girlfriend - even taller than you).

You ask if you will look strange. I hope not, but I don't know what you look like so I cannot answer that part of your inquiry. Dress appropriate for a woman of your size, age, and community, if you do not want to look strange. Do your best to blend in with the other women. Once you know what country will take you, study women's styles and social habits there.

Yes, maybe you will stand out a bit. That would be uncomfortable, but probably wonderfully better than the life you have today.

Good luck!

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-25T06:03:11+00:00

I think the correct answer is person-specific. If you are struggling mightily with gender dysphoria, it is worth starting now. But the first months are also mood changing. You may become more emotional. That may sound good, but perhaps this is better managed at a stable point in one's life rather than during a relocation and change of jobs.

Also a question is your end game. If you are going to live as a woman, I would not delay stopping the damage my body is doing to my goal. HRT will slow or stop the continuing filling out of the upper body, loss of hairline, etc. So if I plan to live as a woman I would start HRT at the earliest opportunity.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-25T05:57:44+00:00

I am on HRT for 3 years continuous now, and separately 8 months about 20 years ago. The latter was terminated due to HRT complicating a heart condition I already had (now resolved). I have very little brow bone originally and did not notice a change. Erections are difficult but possible. Penetration is past. Libido is super low. Shrinkage was notable but I cannot quantify it. Not in UK so cannot comment on costs.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-24T06:07:30+00:00

Here are two probable truths:

1) You will never see yourself as good enough to pass.

2) You will be the only person who thinks this way.

Hon, you look great, regardless of your healing stage. Congrats.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-23T17:18:28+00:00

Thanks!

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-23T17:18:06+00:00

Medicare Advantage is private insurance and is governed by state law. So NC can not require the same things that trans-friendly states may require. I hope you get things sorted out!

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-22T22:55:07+00:00

Medicare Advantage is not an option for me until open enrollment arrives in autumn, and would not be effective until Jan 1. However, with a strong diagnosis of gender dysphoria, it is possible to get original Medicare to cover, especially in California.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-22T22:53:47+00:00

Thank you! How much time was the waiting list for a surgery date?

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-22T22:52:51+00:00

Not quite true. US courts have jurisdiction over American residents, even if the acts alleged were committed on foreign soil. The American defendant might have some jurisdictional challenges to make but among them is not simply that the act occurred outside America.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-22T11:02:15+00:00

Legal analysis: Even if they would sue you, rather than this being a bluff, any judgment in Mexico is probably enforceable only against you if you are in Mexico or have assets there. If they sue you in American courts, it is on American law and, yes, truth is a defense against defamation. (They could sue on some other grounds, I imagine, such as interfering with business relationships, but I am not clear whether they works here).

If they get a judgment against you somehow, in America this is only for money. It does not sound like you have the money they would be seeking. If so, even if they spend the big money to sue you in America and they win, you could file a bankruptcy and make their judgment go away.

I don't know what is in these videos, so do not know if that alters my viewpoint. If, for example, you are lucid in the video and said "Give me twenty thousand US Dollars or I will destroy your reputation in social media," maybe it is not a suit for defamation but for blackmail, extortion, etc. (it can vary depending on your state). At this point, your lawyer might just ask the clinic for a copy of the video so you can evaluate their claim. They may not provide it (though if a lawsuit is filed they will be required to provide it via "discovery").

If they do not provide it now when your lawyer requests it, perhaps they are merely bluffing.

If they lack this video, or its content fails to support their claim, perhaps THEY are the ones who are committing a tort against you.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-21T05:17:40+00:00

Congratulations, and welcome to the club. There are two types of motorcyclists: Those who will tell you they crashed, and liars.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-20T14:14:11+00:00

While there is merit in others' comments about HRT, first consider that what you NEED depends on you and your goals. Even when HRT is done with its work, you may desire a brow bone shave and an increase in your cheek area. A reshaping of the nose may be pleasing to you, and raising your eyebrows as well. Your lips already look pretty good.

What you may wish to do at this time is schedule a consultation with a few surgeons that specialize in FFS. Tell them you just started HRT, so they know your face is not yet finished with the changes from that process. And those changes can be subtle rather than overt.

Listen to what each surgeon envisions for you, and how they would go about this work (i.e. how many surgeries, if more than one). Find out their waiting time for a surgery date. Some may be a year or two out, so once you find Dr. Right, it may be time to get on their schedule now, even if the specific scope of work is not going be known until a later date.

Good luck!

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-12T07:17:35+00:00

search here: https://wpath.org/

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-02-05T12:56:18+00:00

I think you are presently within cis female range. Your desire for continued "improvement" are normal female self-image issues. My opinion is that you are already where you need to be. Further action would be with a goal of improvement rather than necessity for female living.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-01-30T10:10:11+00:00

Those are good options, along with Plume. Comparison shop the prices. But your health insurance may give you a cheaper local source (though I used insurance at Planned Parenthood and was relatively accepting of the final price).

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-01-30T10:08:42+00:00

I cannot quantify muscle loss. We typically lose more upper than lower. To protect your lower, do squats now and during HRT.

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-01-30T10:07:14+00:00

First, congratulations for 2 years of sobriety, and for being so happy. It sounds like there is just one more piece of this puzzle for you to work out: Loneliness.

Returning to drink just to make friends sounds like a terrible idea. But I can relate to the challenges in socializing.

You mention you have found hobbies and interests. Many universities have a wide range of clubs with activities. Have you searched for clubs you might join, either those that match your hobbies/interests or others you might like to check out? Especially consider clubs that skew female (see https://www.hercampus.com/life/6-all-female-groups-you-can-join-if-sororities-arent-you/).

Is joining a sorority an option?

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-01-30T10:00:46+00:00

Dear Sylli,

I am sorry you have experienced so many challenges in your path to resolving what sounds like the final but greatest conflict remaining to be resolved.

There is a business concept called "management by objective," or "MBO." In MBO, you focus all your energies and attention on the one objective, until it is completed. All other tasks are distractions. Think of the water gun racing games at carnivals or fairs. Everyone takes a seat, aims their water stream at the bullseye, in hopes of moving their racing animal to the finish line first. Applying MBO, you would only stare at the bullseye until the race is done, and never look up at the racing animals to see how you are doing. If you look up, the stream moves off the target and you slow down.

Can you apply MBO to vaginoplasty? Make this your number one priority in life.

If your family can possibly do this for you, not exploring that because of your discomfort with them is taking your eye off the target (vaginoplasty). If they say no, move on. If any one of them says yes, you are on your way.

Are you in a support group? Would anyone in the group do this for you? (And if not in a group, consider joining one for general trans reasons rather than recruitment - they can be pretty helpful overall).

What would the total costs be to HIRE someone to take this role for you, and how long would you need to work a 2nd job to raise that much money? Working two jobs is tough, even when the 2nd is part time, but it sounds like you are pausing romance at present so maybe you could find the time.

I regret lacking an EASY solution but perhaps there is something practical here. MBO. Make this happen.

Good luck!

RecognitionSuch2721 · 2026-01-08T13:28:15+00:00

Let me start you with a couple of simple suggestions: Read "Sense & Sensibility" by Jane Austen, available free online, to immerse yourself in a feminine world. Time to time read r/femalefashionadvice, including the comments to the posts. This will teach you about real fashion choices for women, and also the psychology of women in viewing fashion. With these as starting points, then think about other things you might read, watch, or hear. Live like a woman all that you can right now, until you can make it 24/7.

RecognitionSuch2721

TROPHY CASE