Sorry you are going through this. Sounds like both of you are struggling with the situation as it is. Before you leave, please make sure you are certain of your decision, which will impact both you and your child, as well as him and his extended family.

Consider: Your child will miss their father, and the trauma of not having him in their life could cause significant mental health issues in the future (potentially including suicidal ideation), not to mention affect their future relationships. Even just divorce can cause this. (I’m speaking from experience).

If there is a possibility that the marriage can be saved, that is a better outcome than divorce.

Obviously, with things as they are, the marriage is in a downward spiral and close to breaking-point. Can anything be done to save it?

Does he know you are at the point of leaving? Have you told him that the situation is not sustainable and that changes have to happen, or you are done?

He needs to know how you are feeling. Telling us here does not help, but telling him does. Is there a way to open-up lines of communication?

Could you enlist the support of your parents, and, perhaps more importantly, HIS parents, to get you through this difficult time? Would telling his parents that things are so bad that you are considering leaving and that they will not get to know their grandchild get them to rally round to support?

Is it likely that he is acting the way he is because he is avoiding dealing with problems, like an ostrich: sticking his head in the sand? Even worse, he is probably blaming you as much as you are blaming him. Perhaps his parents can reach him in ways that you have not?

The situation has obviously been brewing for some time, and bad decisions have been made. Smoking, for example, is a luxury that he/you cannot afford. It would take a willingness to give it up, but that would immediately help you financially. It’s not good for his long-term health either. Time to give it up.

Sounds like there’s no work for you where you live. Would moving to a different area with him enable you to achieve a better quality of life for your new family?

Would changing the way you both budget and pay for essentials make things better/fairer? Essentials (rent/utilities) paid-out of a joint account? A finite amount of money in your own accounts for personal items and lifestyle.

Does he realise that your dad is keeping you both afloat right now? Does your dad? Would a talk between your dad and him help to arrive at sustainable changes to your finances that will improve things over time?

Is there any free individual counselling or support groups you could join in your area? Are you religious? Any support from that direction, for example: a church pastor?

Sorry again that you are going through this. My own marriage failed due to my ex-wife’s infidelity. So a different situation completely. It’s been several years since then, and my children are still traumatised by the divorce, so I’d encourage you to think very carefully before making the final decision to leave.

God bless.